There is something missing about the upcoming Jets versus Steelers AFC Championship game. Oh, I know: the animosity, or perhaps the hate? These two teams were born to hate each other, but it has instead turned into a lovey-dovey fest, with Rex Ryan leading the way.
Ryan said “Well, give me somebody you want me to call out and I'll do it. Hines Ward? Casey Hampton? I guess those would be the two early targets. Last week, I just felt Bill Belichick had dominated me the last time we played, and I knew that wasn't going to happen again. But Mike Tomlin, he's one of my favorite coaches."
What? Is Ryan serious here? This is a guy who would call out his own grandma if he was coaching against her. He thrives off of stirring anger in his opponents.
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But maybe, his plan this time is to not say anything. He beat the Steelers in Week 14, why does he need to say anything? With the Patriots, he was fuming off of a 45-3 drubbing from the regular season. He has no reason to be mad at the Steelers.
We should be the ones mad at the Jets! Of course, that is not what my Dad thinks. I asked him to contribute to the upcoming list, and he could not think of a single reason. Well Dad, let me remind you why we should hate the Jets.
Without further ado, here are the 16 reasons why we should want to annihilate the Jets in everyway possible come 6:30 on Sunday.
1) Rex Ryan
I think this one pretty much speaks for itself. As a Steeler fan, we should hate everything Ryan embodies. That is, of course, the loudmouth, overweight section of America that thinks they can do whatever they want and be rewarded for it. Luckily, this will be stopped on Sunday.
Did anyone see him run to congratulate Shonn Greene after his game-clinching touchdown last Sunday? How many mini-heart attacks do you think he had?
2) Mark Sanchez
If Ben Roethlisberger represents the city of Pittsburgh (hard working, never goes down without a fight, loves food), then Sanchez represents the opposite of Pittsburgh (appears to coast by on “talent” alone, goes down without a fight, probably does not like meat).
3) Braylon Edwards
Other than his absurd first name (really, Braylon?), there are many reasons not to like Mr. Braylon. For starters, every time I see his dopey backflip at the end a Sunday game I hope he kicks someone in the head. He must have known that there was at least a 45% chance somebody’s head was going to come flying off if he didn’t flip at the right angle.
He drops way too many passes, and if Ryan Clark or Troy Polamalu come within 200 feet or him, he will either (A) Drop the ball (B) Run out of bounds, and then not come back onto the field of play for 5 minutes (C) Actually catch the ball, attempt to run up field, and then do one of those quarterback slides in order to avoid being clobbered D) Actually hand the ball over to Polamalu/Clark or E) Get tackled, cry, then leave the game.
Either way, Edwards may actually be a good thing for Steeler fans.
4) Bart Scott
Spat all over poor Sal Palantonio (never thought I would use those three words in a row) during his post-game tirade on Sunday. If there was ever a reason to remind someone that football is just a game, it would be that interview.
5) Santonio Holmes
Just kidding, I love Santonio for all he did over the years. How could I ever hate on a guy who won a Super Bowl MVP and had the greatest catch in NFL history (For all the Tyree lovers out there, this catch actually won the game, and may have been more impressive a catch. Tyree’s catch required primarily luck, while Holmes needed the footwork of an Olympic gymnast to make his catch)?
But, he is the enemy now. He needs to be destroyed.
6) Bandwagon Jets Fans
This is probably my biggest pet peeve. As you know, I live right in the heart of Bandwagon Central (That’s the NJ/NY area). Let me just tell you, these “longtime” Jet fans make me want to punch a hole in a wall.
The incessant “Go Jetz”, “Yay Jets won!!!!!!”, and “Yea tahts right! Patroits suk!!!!!!” Facebook statuses are the most excruciating part of every Sunday. There is that primarily, and then everyone entering my school wearing brand-new Mark Sanchez jerseys. Don’t they know he sucks?
As Steeler fans, it is almost looks bad on our part to make fun of these people. They are almost too easy.
Luckily, I do not have a moral filter.
These people should walk into oncoming traffic, quite frankly. Even though I dislike the Jets, whatever they do on Sunday’s is wasted on these people. Moving on.
7) Fireman Ed
The overexposure of him this year was enough to actually make me hate firemen. When my kitchen caught on fire, I actually turned the firemen away.
Okay, that never happened, but did we really need an ESPN commercial with Fireman Ed? He now apparently travels to every Jets game (I saw him in the stands in Foxboro, so that constitutes every game), which is ridiculous.
How is this possible? How does a fireman have such a high salary? Shouldn’t he be out stopping fires? He must be the least reliable fireman of all-time.
8) The New York Post
God forbid I actually want to read something informative. Instead, everyday is welcomed with an over-the-top cartoon or a giant foot.
Don’t these people want to be seen as legitimate journalists? Their sports sections are best known for boorish caricatures of today’s modern athlete. It just saddens me, really.
9) Sal Alosi
He was the Jets coach who set up the most volatile weapon in football. That is, of course, a player wall designed to trip punt gunners. If this evil genius is not reason number one why we should want the Steelers to step on the throats of the Jets, then I am not sure what is.
10) Joe Namath
Brendan, how can you be mad at Joe Namath? He is just a sweet old man? At least that is what he wants you to think. Only could a New York Jet player be my personal choice for “Most Overrated NFL Player of All-time” and “Worst Hall of Famer (NFL Edition)”
Namath’s career stats: 62-63-4 career record, 50.1% completion percentage, 173-220 TD-INT ratio.
Seriously? Pro-football-reference.com compares his career to Jake Plummer. Only in New York could a guy with his career stats be talked up into a Hall of Fame spot.
11) The Meadowlands
Don’t get me wrong. I love New Jersey. But could there be a worse place to hold sporting events? Have you ever been to the Meadowlands? There is literally nothing surrounding it but marshes and sewage.
Pittsburgh has scenery, and its stadium resembles the gritty nature of the town it’s in. The Meadowlands just further adds to the untrue stereotype that New Jersey is gray and smells like garbage.
12) Antonio Cromartie
Oh, Antonio, the Shawn Kemp for a whole new generation!
For some reason, the average football fan gets confused into thinking that Cromartie is a great cornerback (you see this all the time with the bandwagon hoppers). The only reason he had mind-boggling interceptions in San Diego was because: (A) He played across from Quentin Jammer, at the time one of the best corners in the NFL, (B) he always had balls thrown at him, and (C) he is athletically a freak.
Now, he plays across from Darrell Revis. Are you kidding me? What luck some people have.
Cromartie averages approximately 5 pass interferences per game. People throw at him non-stop, and he usually gets burned. But every once in a while, Cromartie will make an incredible interception, and it’s back to people drinking the Antonio-Aid.
13) The “Snow Game”
Some of you may not remember this game. It was December 14, 2003. My dad, my buddy Matt, his dad, and I all had tickets to see the Steelers/Jets game at the Meadowlands. It was snowing, and 10 year old me was going out of his mind with excitement. I even saw a balloon that had the “F-bomb” on it that day.
At least until the Steelers lost the game, otherwise ruining a perfect childhood memory. Thanks, Jets. You ruined my childhood.
14) That Stupid Jets Touchdown Dance
You know, the one where they pretend to be airplanes and glide around the end zones? God, does that make me want to punch someone.
15) Did I mention the bandwagon fans?
Oh I did.
16) They beat us at home last time!
Shouldn’t that be enough reason right there, that we should want to destroy them in every way possible? Come on, Dad. You know what we need to do. We need to destroy them, mentally and physical.
The green menace must be defeated! Get it, deFEATed?
Brendan O’Hare writes The Attic Fan column for www.theatticfan.blogspot.com. Follow him on twitter @theatticfan. Email him with anything, and it may be seen in a future mailbag (http://theatticfan.blogspot.com/p/ask-attic-fan.html)