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The Rays Are Good, A-Rod Likes Madonna, and Other Things I've Recently Learned

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The Rays Are Good, A-Rod Likes Madonna, and Other Things I've Recently Learned

The Rays are the best team in the American League East right now. 

They have everything, from young power pitchers to young, exciting hitters.  They might have more “tools” than any starting lineup in baseball.

Their only weakness is youth. Their pitching staff is loaded with guys who aren’t used to throwing a ton of innings.  Because of that, they probably won't hang on in the AL East.

But regardless, as the Red Sox learned this week, the Rays are for real.

 

I was right about Brett Favre. 

The man is an attention hound. He loves the constant speculation. He might make a return just so he can announce his retirement again.

That is, if the Packers allow him back.

 

Serena Williams looks almost exactly like Damon Wayans in a dress. 

Go to SI.com, assuming they haven't removed the picture yet. Just like Damon Wayans, except far, far more manly. 

Seriously, she looks like one of those freaks from the Chinese Swim Teams back in the nineties. Why is there not a steroid investigation going on here? 

If she were any more manly, she’d be Michael Strahan.

 

You can’t make some of the people happy any of the time. Or something like that. 

The same people complaining that Manny Ramirez wasn’t suspended for his run-in with the Red Sox’s elderly traveling secretary would be screaming bloody murder if the Red Sox lost because he was out of the lineup. 

No team in baseball would suspend a player of Manny’s significance for anything short of attempted murder. To single out the Red Sox and say they carry a double standard is insane.

 

A-Rod’s wife’s breaking point is...Madonna?

Let me get this straight: 

He buys the same high-priced hookers the former governor bought, you’re OK. 

He brings strippers back to his hotel room, you’re OK. 

He hits on Jose Canseco’s wife, you’re OK.

He gets with Madonna? That’s just too much for any woman to take.

Can’t wait until ABC/ESPN does a halftime special about how great of a family man he is....

 

Expensive gas is the least of our problems.

Four-dollars-per-gallon gas is completely ridiculous, but it just dawned on me that gas is the least of my worries.  I just figured out that it’s going to cost as much as a mortgage payment to fill my oil tank this year.

Which is good, you know, because everyone has an extra mortgage payment just lying around…

 

Hanson, Delcarmen, Lopez, Timlin...good God, I need a drink.

The Red Sox bullpen is suspect—which is a nice way of saying it’s going to cost them a chance to repeat as World Series Champions if they don’t do something to fix it soon.

 

The rookie salary cap thing is a fun subject to talk about, but the owners don’t really care. 

It would be nice to have a rookie salary cap, but it's not high on the owners' to-do list. They’re using it because they know it will drive a wedge through the players union. The young guys are wanting to keep the status quo, and the older guys want to change the system to put more money in their pockets.

Any time you have your opponent in a negotiation arguing with themselves, it’s a good thing.

 

I was wrong when I said Javon Walker was the dumbest guy in the NFL. 

Willie Andrews, now he’s the dumbest guy in the NFL. After somehow keeping your job after a pot arrest, you decide to pull a gun on your girlfriend? 

Of course, he’s no longer in the NFL. So I guess Javon wins his title back by default.

 

The Patriots have had an incredibly bad PR year. 

I still think they’re the best team in the NFL, but their string of bad press is starting to wear on me.

First Rodney Harrison, then Spygate, then the Super Bowl loss, then multiple arrests, then their pathetic right tackle has to wear a wire because he’s running a pharmacy out of his truck, and now Willie Andrews.

This never would have happened if Bill Belichick were still alive…

 

I'm still hung up on this oil price thing...

I hate to insert more politics into this, but why the hell can’t we get someone in office who’s going to do something about the “market speculation” that’s driving oil prices through the roof? Why?

Here’s the thing (if I’m boring you, just skip to the next bullet), there is no supply and demand problem. So drilling and getting more supply isn’t going to help. The government needs to put a moratorium on commodities trading in the U.S. Get the prices back to where they were in the '90s. 

And I agree. Less gas usage is a good thing. But it’s going to cost me nearly $3,000 to heat my house next winter. 

Just think about that for a little while.... 

 

The Dallas Cowboys must have the richest fans in the NFL.

The Cowboys are charging their fans anywhere from $1,000 to $150,000 just for the right to purchase a single season-ticket. Not for the ticket, mind you. For the right to buy the ticket.

Jerry Jones is an a*****e.

 

Hank Steinbrenner is one of my all-time favorite sports owners.

The Yankees are a weekend sweep by the Red Sox away from a classic Steinbrenner meltdown. The younger Steinbrenner is ready to throw a tantrum, the likes of which would make his father proud.

Speaking as a Red Sox fan, I can’t wait.

 

Sean Crowe is a Senior Writer and an NFL Community Leader at Bleacher Report. You can email him at scrowe@gmail.com. His archive can be found here. You can find everything he writes, including articles for other publications, here.

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