Trying To Deal: Coping With The Devestation

Max MannCorrespondent IJune 13, 2008

You have a minute? This may take awhile.

That loss last night hurt my soul. Damnit, it hurt my soul as a sports fan.

It devestated me like no other loss, except for maybe when Texas beat SC in the Rose Bowl.

Seriously, a day later I'm so enraged that it hasn't just affected my sports fandom, but my pop-culture allegiances as well.

Before this series I was most definitely too young to truly appreciate the old Lakers vs. Celtics rivalry. I'm twenty-two so I was like 2 the last time they battled in The Finals. Rest assured I get it now.

I hate the Celtics. I hate KG (I want to respect him, but it's overrun with hatred), I hate Paul Pierce and his dumb knee.

Eff Ray Allen and that stupid look on his face that he he's scared, but kind of like he's smirking at the same time.

Kendrick Perkins and Leon Powe, both make me hurl when I think of how they destroy the Downy style softness of Pau Gasol, and the total lack of big-game confidence that is Lamar Emo Odom.

You might as well throw House (the doctor too, just simply because they share the same sur-name), Posey, Tony Allen, Big Baby Davis, and Sam "X-Files case" Cassell in there too.

The only person in all of Boston that I can even stand right now is Rajon Rondo, because we don't have to guard him, and he gives the Lakers the best chance to win.

I hate the fact that Doc Rivers is coaching the the raspy voice out of the Zen Master.

There probably isn't words to describe how disappointed I am that even if Kobe wins five more rings he'll never live up to MJ because he blew this finals.

(Okay quick tangent here Kobe vs. MJ needs to be re-evaluated or something. Look there are some subtle differences in both of their games that have been completely overlooked. First, Kobe is not a better shooter than Jordan. Yes he has more range, but his mid-range game is nowhere near as consistent as Air Jordan's. The difference is MJ's turnaround fade away was absolutely unstoppable due to the fact that he could elevate for so long. He also had that great pull up mid-range shot that was money in the bank. Kobe's got shots, but he can't elevate nearly as well as Jordan could. That being said Kobe has more moves, more places on the floor that he's hot from, and a better crossover. However, that doesn't mean he was a better overall scorer or shooter. Look if it wasn't for the last two years of MJ's career he would have shot 50% percent for his career! Kobe's never shot 50% for a season. Second, Kobe's d' is not, has never been, nor will ever be what MJ's was. Jordan was a will crushing perimeter defender. In fact Jordan was probably the best perimeter defender ever. The dude won the Defensive Player of the Year as a 2 guard. That year he averaged over 3 steals a game. I love the Mamba, but he is not as a good a defender as Jordan. Lastly, Jordan was just flat out better. More athletic, more competitive, a better leader, more clutch...just everything. I hated the Bulls and I really don't like Jordan, but Jordan doesn't lose that game last night. No way Michael let's his team lose with that much on the line. It just doesn't happen. Okay that wasn't a quick tangent, but back to the heartache).

Now that I've developed my hatred for the Celtics...eff the old C's too. Bird, McHale, Russell (Damn he was really impressive...for you younger fans youtube this man. I can't stress how cool it was that he turned shot blocks into turnovers), Dennis Johnson, Sam Jones, Danny Ainge, Cousy, Havlicek, Auerbach, and freaking Parish. Aaaarrggghhhh you guys suck, but not really I respect ya'll.

You know how bad this is? I hate all things Boston related too so here's a big middle finger to....

The Boston Red Sox, The New England Patriots, Tom Brady, Bill Belichik, maybe Gisele, Ellen Pompeo, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, any past, present, or current members of SNL who are from Boston, The Boondock Saints, The Departed, Gone Baby Gone, Good Will Hunting, Boston Legal, Boston Public, Sam Adams, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Dropkick Murphy, New England Clam Chowder, Bill Simmons...god I hate him right now, and anything that I forgot affiliated with the New England area.

I don't even like baseball, but last night I officially became a Yankee fan. I hope they buy millions of dollars worth of players, and win thirty more World Series; just so Boston fans suffer every year.

Also I'm a die hard Raider fan, but I hope the Patriots lose every game from here on out. I used to love Tom Brady (yes I remember the tuck rule, but I've never seen a QB as good as Brady), because of his poise, play, clutchness, and swagger, but you know what I hope he never wins another damn game. I hope the NFL takes all of their titles away...freaking cheaters.

Boston fans I hope you guys suffer forever, or that the Laker just make the biggest comeback in Finals history. It's not over untill it's over.