Which NFL Players Will Generate the Most 2016 Summer Nonsense?

Memorial Day weekend marks the official end of the NFL news cycle and the start of the NFL nonsense cycle. 

From now until the start of training camps in late July, the enormous NFL industrial infotainment complex lives off its stored fat reserves like a hibernating grizzly, gurgling out stale, foamy spasms of news like a keg the morning after a frat party.

What is NFL nonsense? It's that pungent, steamy broth of celebrity gossip, manufactured scandal, rampant speculation, unhinged editorializing and borderline character assassination that flushes through the football news pipeline this time of year. It has little to do with football and a lot to do with wringing every last drop of fan interest out of the league's most famous, glamorous or polarizing personalities. You hate it, we hate it and none of us can stop gorging on every last morsel of it until late July brings the sweet, sweet relief of real football news.

As the NFL media's ranking expert on nonsense, it's my job to predict the summer's most promising sources of newsiness. It's like predicting summer blockbusters, but with quarterbacks instead of Marvel superheroes.

So here are the top 20 NFL nonsense producers for the summer of 2016:

20. Antonio Brown

Brown may be the best wide receiver in the NFL right now. He's also underpaid. And best of all, he's coming off a semifinalist stint on Dancing with the Stars. The stage would be set for extreme nonsense for many players.

Yet the silliness will probably be kept to a minimum. Brown and the Steelers have always been grownups about his contract status, and the "reality television instead of football" argument lost its sizzle back in the early days of Kendra on Top. So while there will be some chatter, don't expect the holdout-threat fireworks like we saw from Dez Bryant and Demaryius Thomas last year.

At least Brown's Twitter feed remains a source of inspiration…

…and information.

When designing new plays, it's best to go straight to the public and eliminate the needless "offensive coordinator" middleman.

19. Von Miller

Miller, like Brown, is an All-Pro who appeared on Dancing with the Stars and has a long-term contract on his mind. But Miller one-upped Brown: Who needs Ben Roethlisberger when you can visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter?

Miller has also been named Spike TV's "Most Unstoppable Jock" and will be honored at something called the Guys Choice Awards on June 4. Miller's Super Bowl MVP trophy probably won't be ripped from its case to make room for an award that sounds like something Jimmy Kimmel made up in 1999.

The deadline to sign Miller, currently the face of the Broncos franchise, to a new contract is July 15. Once the Potter magic and basic-cable award show thrill ride ends, Miller will be pressed into midsummer service as the primary source of contract speculation. At least he will share that burden with the next guy.

18. Andrew Luck

Russell Wilson taught us last year that many a summer evening can be happily spent blogging fanfic about the size of a quarterback's contract extension. The Colts have one job to do this summer, and like a neighbor with a garage to clean, they will draw it out for weeks, allowing imaginations to run wild about $75 million guarantees or franchise-crippling future holdouts.

Luck lacks Wilson's ability to cause a stir by strolling through an amusement park in an ill-fitting shirt, but "highest-paid player in the NFL" is a Pavlovian trigger, and the dogs are already drooling.

17. Josh Norman

Norman hugged former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi at the White House Correspondents' Dinner! He flew to Paris to hang out with the Paris Saint-Germain soccer team! He has gotten rides in Dan Snyder's private plane, which is not to be confused with Dan Snyder's black helicopters, which Mike Shanahan swears circle his house at night and intercept his thoughts.

Norman is pricing an 18-acre farmhouse in Virginia, according to the Charlotte Observer. Congress? Trips to Paris? Virginia farmstead? A relatively unknown cornerback for a fluky playoff team last year, Norman is now one Broadway musical away from becoming a Founding Father.

There's a long Washington tradition of treating the latest ultra-expensive free agent like a conquering prince for a few months before he takes the field and something goes horribly wrong. Norman may be the guy who bucks the trend, but he must have noticed as he got comfy in the cockpit of Snyder's jet that he was sitting in butt indentations left by Albert Haynesworth and Donovan McNabb.

16. Las Vega$ Raiders

This will be a reliable source of semi-newsworthy speculation throughout the summer, as fans everywhere but Oakland dream of an easy excuse for regular bro-trips to Sin City (a big, sandy Dave & Buster's, really) while the NFL pretends to be horrified by being "close to gambling" in an era when we can blow our credit ratings to online slot machines on our smartphones during our children's piano recitals.

No decision is coming on a Raiders move to Vegas anytime soon, but every team owner, league official or politician who speaks on the record about the subject will make headlines, especially if they suggest that it's OK for the NFL to put a team in a city that built a roller coaster on the site where Moe Greene got shot through the eyeglasses.

15. The Eagles Quarterbacks

What's most entertaining about the Sam Bradford-Carson Wentz-(why not?) Chase Daniel controversy is that even the most casual fan can plainly see that Bradford is an overpaid caretaker who will hit the bench the moment Wentz outgrows his FCS water wings and dives into the grownup pool. But no one is allowed to come right out and say that, so there will be weeks of careful hairsplitting, like offensive coordinator Frank Reich insisting on CBS Radio on Wednesday that Bradford is not the confirmed starter just one week after Doug Pederson made it sound like Bradford is the confirmed starter.

Bradford and Wentz are not particularly interesting, and I wouldn't recognize Daniel if he sat next to me in a bar. But listening to coaches and executives subtly correct and contradict each other about a matter that's patently obvious? That's some serious summer entertainment.

14. Laremy Tunsil

The Dolphins are unique in that their linemen produce most of the nonsense; they have plenty of time on their hands because they are rarely protecting Ryan Tannehill.

Tunsil brings a complex bouillabaisse of extracurricular weirdness to the menu: a bong-mask-induced draft slide; a Dickensian backstory that features NCAA investigators, shifty agents and a litigious stepfather; a mysterious cybervillain; a rumored pre-arthritic condition in his ankle; and even sudden allergy outbreaks.

With friends like Robert Nkemdiche and enemies with the power to take control of the Internet like the Lawnmower Man, it won't take much for Tunsil to become the eye of a summer nonsense hurricane. Let's hope he gets the chance to settle down and become just another offensive lineman. But for some reason, that never happens in Miami.

13. Marshawn Lynch

Lynch is Silent Favre. He uses his telepathic ability to create a retirement drama that exists largely within our imaginations without uttering a word. Reporters used to complain about Lynch's media blackout, but now it's liberating: No one expects an on-the-record quote from the source anymore, freeing us to speculate wildly about his future. Will Lynch return to the Seahawks hours before the season opener? Is he meditating in a Himalayan temple like Rambo? As long as no one knows, no theory is too wild.

12. Chip Kelly

Kelly's shadow still looms large over the Eagles, even as he tries to build another football think tank/cold-fusion reactor/Hogwarts a little closer to Silicon Valley. While Bay Area fans and media are getting used to the sports science, peppy practices and ultra-literal responses to even the most benign press-conference questions, Maurice Jones-Drew was blasting Kelly on TMZ.com (during an interview that appears to take place at an airport mall and may not represent the carefully considered opinion of a former player who has put much thought into it) for ruining the Eagles with a "gimmick" offense.

Whether you hate analytics, the read-option, sports science, persistent racism speculation or executives with the interpersonal communication skills of malfunctioning robots, Kelly offers something for everyone. He's also proved that he is at his most compelling before his teams are playing games that count.

11. The Jets Quarterbacks

Kathy Willens/Associated Press

Christian Hackenberg. Bryce Petty. Geno Smith. It sounds like the brainwashing activation code that turns Mike Mayock into the Winter Soldier. If only the Jets' trio of suspect prospects could join forces like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. The merged super-quarterback could combine Hackenberg's accuracy, Petty's play-calling chops and Smith's leadership! No, wait, that cannot be right. Smith's accuracy, Hackenberg's consistency and Petty's durability? Hmmm, no. It's hard to even mix and match an appealing quarterback here.

The Jets' quarterback controversy gets extra sizzle from: A) Ryan Fitzpatrick hovering overhead waiting to make a heroic entrance; B) Petty explaining to NJ.com's Darryl Slater how a year in an NFL organization has made him as savvy a Madden gamer as your basic eighth-grader; and C) the obvious attempts at spin control by veterans like Brandon Marshall who are clearly pining for a quarterback who can throw straight, repay debts, call plays without mashing buttons and/or beat Temple.

10. Ezekiel Elliott

Kena Krutsinger/Getty Images

It hasn't even been a month since the draft, and Elliott's abs are already as familiar as the face of an old friend. They are impressive abs, hilly and fascinating like a patch of English countryside, but they are already challenging Miley Cyrus' bellybutton as the most overexposed midriff in the world. When Elliott flashed the abdominal power train during rookie camp, it sparked a mini-crisis over NFL uniform regulations. We may be just inches of fabric away from a full shirtless-Tebow-level panic.

When not revolutionizing the half-shirt as both formal wear and football wear, Elliott is showing off potential end-zone moves that look like slow-motion outtakes from Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.

With Tony Romo now firmly in the golf-and-financial-planning demographic and Dez Bryant tuckered out after an exhausting 2015 summer of nonsense, Elliott has to carry the mantle for America's (Silliest) Team.

Cowboys nonsense just ain't what it used to be.

9. James Harrison

The NFL's designated crotchety grandpa, Harrison can make a controversy out of anything. Already the nation's leading voice in the Anti-Participation Trophy Movement, he's boldly protecting America against little children who have high self-esteem despite not being awesome at sports. And Harrison has now expanded his activism: He wants to take video of his own drug tests, manufacturing an NFL vs. NFLPA drama over an issue that's down on the importance scale with "Why won't the NFL let me keep a pet ostrich in the locker room?"

There's no way Harrison can get through an entire summer without weighing in on some sociopolitical hot button, like the public restroom controversy. Winners-only restrooms, perhaps? Come to think of it, those would make us all try a little harder…

8. Cam Newton

All has been quiet on the Cam front since Newton rage-quit his Super Bowl press conference. Sure, he has his own dab-themed video game coming out—Dab Dab Revolution? World of Dabcraft? The Dabbing of Isaac?—and has been showing off a gold-plated 1970 Oldsmobile, but otherwise, Newton has avoided the national spotlight and the inevitable culture war that accompanies his every dance step or fashion choice.

That's because no one wants to waste precious Cam ammunition—Cammunition—during the summer doldrums. Thinkpiece Nation is gearing up for a full assault once training camp starts. Newton will play his part by straddling the line between lovable sports superstar and middle-schooler trying to talk the principal out of a detention: the same line that made him an all-you-can-eat buffet for opinion-mongers in the first place.

7. Robert Griffin III

The nonsense champion of the summer of 2013 is back and reunited with his most powerful enemy! Mike Shanahan charmed The Undefeated's Jason Reid last week with 100 percent believable and evenhanded tales of Griffin ordering coaches to pipe down while he demanded playbook changes (with Dan Snyder's blessing) and Shanahan's reluctance to select Griffin in the first place.

Poor, powerless Shanahan, well-known stranger to front-office politics and storyline manipulation…

We must have imagined those Shanahan-Griffin predraft retreats of 2012. And the entire Donovan McNabb fiasco. And that year of Rex Grossman and John Beck. Yep, Shanahan totally took a seat while a 23-year-old barked orders at him, did what he was told and kept silent about the story for four years. Totally in character.

The latest Shanny just-so story demonstrates just what Griffin is up against as he tries to save his career and reputation. Griffin must make an elaborate show of his humility in Cleveland, which isn't easy anywhere but is especially hard in a city that will have nothing else to think or talk about as soon as the Cavaliers' playoff run ends.

6. Russell Wilson

Wilson's self-seriousness is a steady source of silliness. He's like the class valedictorian: multitalented, disciplined and genuinely likable, but a little too aware of how everything he does will look on his college application.

So it's no surprise that Wilson delivered the first no one believed in me valedictory speech in history ever to be rigorously fact-checked. It turns out that some people did, in fact, believe in Wilson. Tune in next week when we discover that kids in your dad's day didn't play outside all day every day, unless Legend of Zelda with the windows open counts.

FRANCK FIFE/Getty Images

Juxtapose Wilson's paragon-of-determination image with his role as Ciara's arm candy on the tabloid circuit and you have the perfect summer cocktail. Wilson is always in the public eye but never looks totally thrilled about it. He is beset on both sides, even when he gets slimed on Nickelodeon. He's one of the most reliable celebrities in the world for generating attention by literally doing nothing, which is hysterical for someone who always seems like he would rather be giving us a stern lecture on the value of perseverance.

5. Tom Brady

Brady landed near the top of a most-hated players of all time list last week, proof that Internet polling is a great way to take the pulse of the planet's most resentful computer owners.

Why would anyone hate Tom Brady? Just because we are supposed to simultaneously worship him as American royalty as he publishes $200 celebrity weirdovore cookbooks with Princess Elsa from Castle Xanadu, admire him as the ultimate Workaday Joe who represents all of our virtues and pity him as the persecuted victim of Roger Goodell's mustache-twirling? Is that any reason to resent someone? Oh, wait, that's exactly the reason to resent someone.

Brady would rank higher, but Deflategate is no longer news or quality nonsense—just a scab that the sports world can't stop picking at. The world would be a better place if Brady hadn't gone Mission Impossible and chucked his smartphone down an incinerator shaft. But that was last year's nonsense. Now it's just appeals (sigh), due process (yawn) and…look, just wake me up if I'm supposed to draft Jimmy Garoppolo in my fantasy league.

4. Odell Beckham Jr.

He's roomies and besties with Drake. He's cheered courtside by Cleveland Cavaliers fans, not all of whom are completely sold on cheering the Cleveland Cavaliers. His cousin is one of the few in-shape Americans incapable of cracking the Jets' 90-man roster. (Rex Ryan is in Buffalo now, Terron. If you leave to join that circus, put on a shirt, because it's chilly up there.)

Odell Beckham is successful, handsome, instantly recognizable and just flashy/overexposed enough to polarize people who go out of their way to be polarized. He's perfect for turning an innocuous quote or uneventful public appearance into an object lesson about…something.

As a bonus, he plays for the Giants, who average one or two spectacular-freak midsummer injuries per year. Beckham could easily be attacked by sharks over Independence Day weekend (while hang gliding) or get trampled by the hundreds of other NFL players stampeding to get their pictures taken with Drake.

3. Rob Gronkowski

Gronk is America's Youngest Sibling, the guy who gets away with all the things that got the rest of us grounded. His lovable shenanigans come with the joint seals of approval of Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and members of the Boston media who normally believe bat flips and end-zone celebrations will bring the downfall of democracy but grant occasional indulgences.

Eric Charbonneau/Associated Press

A few weeks of downtime for Gronk will inevitably result in some harmless-but-high-profile partying. The awkward Magic Mike-outtake level dancing will go viral, and bloggers and columnists everywhere will compose blog posts and columns wondering why Gronk's hijinks don't result in more blog posts and columns.

Gronk also earned the prestigious Madden 17 video game cover, which is big news to the 0.5 percent of gamers who don't simply download their games.

2. J.J. Watt

Watt has his own logo now, and the Cleveland Browns don't. Think about it.

Watt has been impervious to the kind of backlash that generates summer nonsense for most of his career. But that may be changing. He took flak for trying to work out at the Texans facility when much of Houston was facing a flood emergency. Leave it to Watt to face criticism for being too dedicated to his job. That's the slippery slope that comes when fame starts to transcend football.

From his playoff misadventures as a Wildcat quarterback to a self-promotion instinct that often makes Cam Newton look like Major Modesty, Watt is teetering on the brink of an overexposure supernova. Everyone takes a turn down the well, J.J. You volunteered for yours when you approved a logo that makes you look like a stain-fighting superhero from a detergent commercial.

1. Rex Ryan

Ryan's genius is his ability to pull extraneous nonsense into his orbit like some sort of dwarf star.

Case in point: He somehow managed to shoehorn Odell Beckham Jr. into his personal storyline last week while discussing Sammy Watkins' injury problems with SI's Don Banks. It was an off-the-cuff remark that simultaneously threw shade on Watkins, Bills general manager Doug Whaley and Ryan's former Jets employers, with the clickable Beckham guaranteeing that the football world heard a story that had no real news value.

Among the dust and pebbles currently in the tail of Ryan's comet, there's: Cardale Jones, who compared the vintage Bills logo to a cow; Rex's twin brother, Rob, whose promotion to assistant head coach after leading the Saints to one of the worst defensive seasons in history sends all the right messages to the team; Whaley, whose football-is-too-rough-for-humans remarks suggest a rather conflicted individual; an off-brand Gronkowski sibling; and an injured first-round pick.

Even obscure undrafted rookies can get in on the Ryan act. Eric Striker voiced his skepticism about Buffalo wings to reporters during rookie camp, which is just about the only thing you can do to insult Upstate New Yorkers. It's like an Ed Wood production—if Ed Wood were an ardent Donald Trump supporter.

The Bills hope to put a lid on the nonsense by limiting the amount of tweeting reporters can do during training-camp drills. Tweets from training-camp drills are just about the only news that comes out of Bills camp that sounds like real football news! Instead of tracking Tyrod Taylor's seven-on-seven completions, reporters will have to focus on the quotes, decisions and opinions of the Ryans and Whaley. That should still keep everyone amused, even when nothing is happening on the field.

Mike Tanier covers the NFL for Bleacher Report.