NFL Week 7 Picks Against the Spread Guaranteed to Win, Lose or Push

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NFL Week 7 Picks Against the Spread Guaranteed to Win, Lose or Push
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This is the face Brett makes after each survival of an encounter with Deanna

You know it's been a strange couple of weeks in the NFL when Brett Favre has to ask the media to limit the scope of its questions to Minnesota's upcoming game against the Green Bay Packers.

I think Favre's recent actions can be summed up by one phrase: I'm Keith Hernandez.

Let's just hope Brett didn't try expressing that rationale to his wife Deanna.

The anger radiating from her body during an appearance on Good Morning America was palpable. I sincerely feared for Robin Roberts' safety immediately after she broached the subject of Mr. Favre's artistic portfolio.

I have a feeling Brett has been sticking around the Vikings facility a few extra hours every day. You know, to watch some extra film. Because he's so focused on his game this Sunday. He is just a kid having fun out there, after all.

And...there. From this point on, we are in a Brett-Favre-member-and-violent-hits-in-the-NFL Free Zone.

Does that leave anything else even remotely interesting to discuss besides the games? No, not really.

Well, that was easy. Picks in bold, home teams in CAPS.

 

Pittsburgh (-3) over MIAMI.

Miami hasn't won a home game, and the Steelers haven't lost a game away from Heinz Field. That, and the fact that Chad Henne can't decide whether he's good or bad, makes this a pretty easy pick.

 

Cincinnati (+3) over ATLANTA.

Oy. I was rather confident in Atlanta walking into Philadelphia and coming out with a victory last week. Maybe this is just a spiteful pick then, but coming off a bye the Bengals have to be better on offense, right? And by better, I mean slightly above the level of inept Carson Palmer has shown through the first half of the season.

 

TAMPA BAY (-2.5) over St. Louis

The Rams seem like a team that's solid at home, and quite awful on the road. The Bucs are 3-2, and it has become clear they are a somewhat decent team that can beat up on lesser competition. Put them up against the top tier of the league, and this is what you get: 38-13 L, 31-6 L. The good news for Tampa is that St. Louis is not quite the Steelers or Saints.

 

CAROLINA (+3) over San Francisco.

I really, really dislike this 49ers team. If not for Jason Campbell having a worse passer rating than JaMarcus Russell ever had in a single game (think about that), SF would be sitting at 0-6.

I look forward to hearing Mike Singletary explain how his team is the best 1-6 team in the history of the NFL after they lose to a truly pathetic Carolina Panthers team, led once again by Matt Moore. It was fun while it lasted, Jimmy Clausen.

 

Washington (+3) over CHICAGO.

Has anyone in Las Vegas actually watched these two teams play? The Bears just lost at home to a Seattle team that wants nothing more than to be blown out every game they play on the road. The Redskins win this one outright, and probably by double digits.

 

Cleveland (+14.5) over NEW ORLEANS.

I think this game will be a reminder that the Saints still aren't very good. Last week, I believe, was more of an anomaly than a return to the norm. The Brownies aren't that bad, either. I really like both Cleveland and Detroit. They're both entertaining, ultimately poor football teams.

 

BALTIMORE (-14) over Buffalo.

I think the 2008 Lions are going to have to keep their Natural Light cans on ice for a long time while they wait for Buffalo to win a game.

 

TENNESSEE (-2.5) over Philadelphia.

Only because of DeSean Jackson's absence. This should be one of the best games of the week, so when in doubt I'll go with the home team.

 

KANSAS CITY (-9) over Jacksonville.

When you're asking Trent Edwards to come in and win a game for you, you know your team is in serious trouble. When you're probably going to have to rely on a third string quarterback, someone therefore worse than both David Garrard and Mr. Edwards, you might as well forfeit the game. Good luck on Sunday, Jaguars.

 

SEATTLE (-6) over Arizona.

Qwest Field should be worth about three extra home field advantage points when discussing the spreads. Max Hall making his first career road start in Seattle should be worth another 10. Seahawks by a lot at home.

 

DENVER (-9) over Oakland.

Only if Campbell is starting. I don't care enough about this game to do even the minimal research necessary to uncover this information, however. So there.

 

SAN DIEGO (-3) over New England.

This just feels like the week the Chargers turn it around. I really hope the Chargers lose again, though, because one of the things I enjoy most about Chargers games is watching Phillip Rivers act like a cry baby every time something goes wrong.

 

Minnesota (+3) over GREEN BAY.

The Packers are getting way too much respect with the amount of injuries they're trying to overcome. The Vikings, on the other hand, are getting no respect, which is crazy. Minnesota wins outright.

 

DALLAS (-3) over NY Giants.

I blame this on the fact that my rooting interests lie with the Giants, making me too close to the situation to objectively measure New York's abilities as a team. Somehow I am 0-6 picking the Giants against the spread this season. So, I think it's a pretty safe bet the Giants cover.

 

Last week: 5-7-2

Season to Date: 44-41-5

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