Ranking the NFL's Biggest Bros

What is a bro? According to UrbanDictionary.com, a bro is (with some variation and expletives) a guy in his 20s who drinks a lot of beer, likes to gel his hair, spends his life working out and pursuing one-night stands, is in a fraternity and dresses only in Ed Hardy or Abercrombie & Fitch clothing. 

In the simplest form, most of this is true of the bro, but only when the "bro" is actually a noun, since "bro" is now also a verb and an adjective, thanks to the bromania that has swept popular culture, 

("Look at that bro, he's wearing the most bro outfit I've ever seen. He's probably going to bro out at the club all night.")

Since one of the distinctive qualities of the bro is to look muscular, it is inevitable that some bros end up playing college and professional football.

Let's have a look at some of the NFL's most brotacular bros.

5. Gronkbroski

Rob Gronkowski just lost the Super Bowl, but bros will be bros, no matter how bad things get.

Sure, his ankle injury may have been the reason Tom Brady and Bill Belichick didn't get ring No. 4, but why should that stop him from getting his party on at the club a few days later?

If confronted on the issue, Gronk would surely use his extensive brocabulary to defend himself.

"Chill bro. I'm Gronk."

4. Kyle Orton

One of the major stereotypical marks of the bro is excessive drinking. If that stereotype is true, Kyle Orton is the quintessential bro.

If I were a betting man, I would say that shortly after this picture was taken, Orton's brocabulary consisted only of puking noises. 

3. Matt Leinart

Oh, Matt Leinart. He had it all. He was the bro king of USC. Heck, he was the bro king of California.

Now he's a career backup whose shot at redemption was blown by a first-half injury.

Hey, at least he seems to be making the most of what he's got. 

2. Matthew Stafford

Stafford appears to be a clean-living bro. With the trademark missing shirt, fitted cap, really hot girlfriend and sunglasses, he definitely looks the part. Surprisingly, he doesn't have a drink in his hand. 

Rock on, bro.

1. Jeff Reed

A lot of things come to mind here, the first of which is Peyton Manning's famous line "he's an idiot kicker." Obviously, that was about Mike Vanderjagt, but you get the idea. 

Jeff Reed's utter brotastic fail is matched only by the ridiculousness of his hair. 

In the end, the only thing you can say to this guy is:

"Really, bro?"