NFL Power Rankings Week 12: Every Team as a Famous Landmark

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Oftentimes, the buildings we humans erect convey just as much personality as the people who built them.

Some of them are awe-inspiring.

The Sphinx.

The Taj Mahal.

Others are infamous.

Auschwitz.

The Texas School Book Depository.

Could it be the same with football teams?

Granted, rosters do change from year to year, and often within the same season, in fact, but many NFL franchises have still managed to maintain a consistent personality across generations, and, just like the varied edifices that also occupy our planet, every single one of them has been gradually built from the ground up, too.

Both take careful planning, hard work and precise execution in order to be successful, and both by definition exist with the inherent danger of completely collapsing at any given time if the conditions are just right.

In this edition of NFL Power Rankings, we’ll pay tribute to the reputation each team has carved by comparing them to the landmark structures they most closely resemble, considering equally in every case, both their current state and their historical franchise image.

Whether your favorite team’s a skyscraper or just some crumbling, abandoned warehouse makes no difference.

There’s still only one way to find out.

32. Indianapolis Colts (0-10)/Fort Knox

Both have a highly valuable commodity temporarily stuck in storage.

31. St. Louis Rams (2-8)/Epcot

Occasionally entertaining, but often overshadowed by other nearby attractions.

30. Minnesota Vikings (2-8)/Caesars Palace

Catch a performance from these two, and you’ll probably see a one-man show.

29. Cleveland Browns (4-6)/Columbia Carousel

Constant movement with these two, but neither is going anywhere anytime soon.

28. Kansas City Chiefs (4-6)/Niagara Falls

Always just a few steps away from completely dropping off.

27. Arizona Cardinals (3-7)/The "Brady Bunch" House

Something exciting may come out of these two every now and then, but most of the time, they’re just plain boring.

26. Washington Redskins (3-7)/U.S. Capitol Building

Both have a problem spending lots of money for little in return.

25. Jacksonville Jaguars/Playboy Mansion

Both are led by guys who never seem to be dressed appropriately.

24. Carolina Panthers/GM Renaissance Center

Both hit rock bottom recently, yet both were quick to recover, too.

23. Seattle Seahawks (4-6)/Nebraska State Capitol

Both look better than they really are by comparison to their lackluster surroundings.

22. Miami Dolphins (3-7)/Studio 54

Both had their heyday in the ‘70s, and it’s been pretty much downhill ever since.

21. Philadelphia Eagles (4-6)/Leaning Tower of Pisa

These two may be interesting to look at, but something always seems a little off.

20. San Diego Chargers (4-6)/Fort Sumter

Once a force to be reckoned with, today’s versions are really just for show.

19. Buffalo Bills (5-5)/Amityville Horror House

These two seem scary at first, but eventually, you realize it was all a charade.

18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4-6)/One World Trade Center

Both have a bright future ahead, but are still a work in progress.

17. Denver Broncos (5-5)/Mahabodhi Temple

Don’t let their simple exteriors fool you; these two have both been known to foster miracles.

16. Tennessee Titans (5-5)/The Alamo

No matter how many setbacks they experience, these two just keep hanging in there.

15. Cincinnati Bengals (6-4)/Alcatraz

Both have an extensive history of housing hardened criminals. 

14. New York Jets (5-5)/The Jersey Shore House

Always having to deal with some kind of drama, but most of it they create themselves.

13. Oakland Raiders (6-4)/Three Mile Island

The hotter these two get, the more likely they are to completely melt down.

12. Atlanta Falcons (6-4) /Eiffel Tower

Elaborately built, but noticeably hollow.

11. New England Patriots (7-3)/New York Stock Exchange

If these two can’t wheel and deal their way to success, they’ll just go ahead and cheat.

10. Chicago Bears (7-3)/Great Wall of China

Both are effective at protecting their respective turfs, and both were slowly built one piece at a time.

9. New York Giants (6-4)/Washington Monument

The later it gets, the brighter these two seem to shine.

8. Houston Texans (7-3)/Chrysler Building

Always close to the top, but never quite there.

7. Dallas Cowboys (6-4)/Statue of Liberty

These two American icons both sell the hottest tickets in town.

6. Detroit Lions (7-3)/Space Needle

Whenever there’s a draft, these two are usually near the top of it.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-3)/Hoover Dam

No matter how often they’re challenged, these two never seem to budge.

4. Baltimore Ravens (7-3)/San Diego Zoo

Sleek, revolutionary, and chock-full of wild, uncaged beasts.

3. New Orleans Saints (7-3)/The Pentagon

Plenty of firepower with these two, and neither is very shy about spreading it around, either.

2. San Francisco 49ers (9-1)/Stonehenge

Sturdiness aside, what really makes these two so impressive is balance. 

1. Green Bay Packers (10-0)/Burj Khalifa

It took years to get there, but these two are finally on top and should remain there for a while.