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7 Fictional Athletes We Want to See in NFL

Jesse ReedCorrespondent INovember 13, 2011

7 Fictional Athletes We Want to See in NFL

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    The NFL features a variety of players and personalities. The athletes we hold in high esteem are sometimes larger than life. 

    Fictional athletes aren't encumbered by the same emotional and physical limitations that our real life heroes endure.  

    Imagine if you will, if we could bend the fabric of space and time and pull from our annals of fiction some of the athletes that have starred on the big screen and place them in the NFL.

    Indeed, the science has been discovered! We now have the ability to pick out our favorite fictional athletes and give them life in the real world.

Willie Mays Hays (Major League): Oakland Raiders Wide Receiver

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    Willie Mays Hayes is a guy that would have caught the eye of Al Davis, may he rest in peace. In honor of Al, Hayes would fit in nicely with that stable of young, explosive receivers in Oakland.

    Carson Palmer used to have one of the prettiest deep throws in all of football. He would relish the opportunity to see Hayes streaking down the sidelines like a flash of lightning.

    Willie Mays Hayes. I play like Mays. I run like Hayes.

    No doubt he'd make the transition from MLB to the NFL look like a cakewalk. 

Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump): Buffalo Bills Kick Return Specialist

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    Forrest Gump is just what the Buffalo Bills need to get over their division rivals, the Patriots and the Jets. The Bills are deficient in their return game, and Gump fits the bill to a "T".

    Forrest Gump turns anything he touches into gold. His innocence might be tested inside an NFL locker room, but he would certainly be a welcome addition to a very solid Bills squad.

    On a side note, opposing players should be aware that he will not tolerate any disrespect to Jenny.

Rocky Balboa (Rocky): Philadelphia Eagles Middle Linebacker

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    Tell me you can't see Rocky suited up in a Philadelphia Eagles uniform with eye black running down his chiseled cheeks. I can. He's perfect. 

    The Eagles already struggle at the middle linebacker position. Balboa could walk in off the street and whip up that mushy run defense in two days. 

    Yo! Adrian! I just knocked out Eli Manning!

Cal Naughton, Jr. (Talledega Nights): Oakland Raiders Backup Punter

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    OK, before you do anything else, please google "Shane Lechler" and then compare him to Cal Naughton, Jr. 

    Sometimes I wonder if John C. Reilly hasn't been moonlighting all these years on the Oakland Raiders' sidelines, disguised by a helmet and pads.

    Anyone who looks identical to another real player deserves to make this list.

Willie Beamen (Any Given Sunday): Philadelphia Eagles Backup Quarterback

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    Steamin' Willie Beamen fits in perfectly with what Andy Reid loves to do now in Philadelphia. He has a cannon for an arm while maintaining excellent accuracy. The best thing is, he's even better on the run.

    Sounds like someone else, I know. But Willie Beamen would be perfect to back up Michael Vick. And the best part is, when Vick gets hurt, Beamen can lead them on to the playoffs.

    Watch out, ladies, Willie Beamen is coming to Philly!

Rod Tidwell (Jerry McGuire): St. Louis Rams Wide Receiver

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    Rod Tidwell is an elite wide receiver in fiction, so he is a lock to make the Hall of Fame in real life, right?

    He would sure bring some needed talent to the downtrodden St. Louis Rams and Sam Bradford. Bradford has had no help this season, and the Rams are the worst team in the NFC West. 

    His swagger and boundless enthusiasm would inject much needed life into a franchise that is barely surviving on life support.

    It will cost them, though. 

    Show me the money!

Bobby Boucher (Water Boy): Baltimore Ravens Middle Linebacker

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    The look of fury is too much to behold. Bobby Boucher intimidates quarterbacks in their sleep. By the time they get in the game, all reason and sanity have departed. 

    Imagine Bobby Boucher lined up next to Ray Lewis on every play. With Terrell Suggs lighting things up on the outside, I think that the offensive linemen would be inclined to wear adult protection underwear so that they don't embarrass themselves on live TV. 

    By the way, as a word of caution, you should never, ever talk bad about his mama. 

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