2011 World Series: The Hipster Perspective
Of those following the World Series, a good portion will be hipsters. No survey data exists that measures the number of hipsters in the United States. Nonetheless, the hipster community is a mobile, vibrant group in American culture today.
Hipsters know what’s good in music, TV and sports. Not only do hipsters know what’s hot, but the hipster folk will also remind people what’s hot in a sardonic tone.
That said, hipsters will set keen eyes on the World Series. The hipster perspective will provide cunning Cardinals-Rangers analysis that others are afraid to give. Hipsters will bring new ways to cheer the game.
Following are some World Series angles from the hipster perspective.
The Hipster Team to Root For: Texas Rangers
The hipster will be rooting for the Rangers. The Rangers have been a historically mediocre franchise. Never have the Rangers won the World Series, and they have only made the playoffs five times. In their 51 seasons, the Rangers only have 19 winning seasons.
Unlike the Rangers, the Cardinals have a winning tradition. The Cardinals have 10 World Series titles and 24 playoff appearances.
Thus, the Rangers are a little more of an under-the-radar World Series team.
Indeed, the Rangers played in the World Series last year. However, the Rangers didn’t do a great job against the Giants last year. The pitchers didn't do well, with a team ERA of 5.86. They hardly scored, averaging 2.2 runs per game and being shut out twice.
Even Madison Bumgarner baffled them. Not cool.
The Rangers weren’t primed for the World Series last year. This year, the Rangers will be good. The bullpen will be clutch. Nelson Cruz will hit his share of home runs. He had six home runs in the American League Championship Series.
The Hipster Fashion Look of the Series: Ron Washington’s Glasses
Rangers manager Ron Washington has the coolest glasses. The hipster has to find those glasses somewhere. This will be the look of the World Series. People must follow suit.
This calls for a Goodwill adventure. All nearby Goodwill stores—and Salvation Army stores—will be scavenged for the pair of glasses worn by Washington. With the Washington glasses shall be worn a Washington Senators shirt and a nice pair of slacks.
These glasses will be worn during the games—save commercials between innings—and at other pertinent events. When they are not worn, they will sit on one’s head.
The Hipster Take on C.J. Wilson
The Hipster believes that C.J. Wilson will sell out. Wilson will help the Rangers win the World Series. He’ll have a win in a nice start.
After the World Series, Wilson will give a half-hearted speech about how he loves Arlington and wants to settle down in the area, but then he will take offers from various teams. In the end, Wilson will sign a six-year, $107 million contract with the Boston Red Sox.
While Wilson seems to like pitching in Arlington, he doesn’t care about the fans. Wilson just wants the money.
The Hipster Dislikes Tony La Russa’s Fungo Bat
The hipster is not fond of Tony La Russa carrying around his fungo bat during practice before games. The bat is way too passé.
First, the bat is the wrong color. La Russa might want to go with red, the color of the Cardinals. However, La Russa should try a more forward-thinking hue of red. Perhaps La Russa should consider a cherry-colored fungo bat if he wants to be classy.
Second, La Russa needs a better-looking bat if he wants to be taken seriously. He needs one with a barrel the size of his head. Also, with his salary, La Russa should be able to afford a fungo bat custom-fitted for his hands.
At any rate, this is a bad look for La Russa. La Russa is too old for a fungo bat. He should try something else, like a Cardinals umbrella hat. Then, the World Series wouldn’t have any rain.
Albert Pujols Is a Hank Greenberg Knock-off
Albert Pujols is a great player. This is not to detract from his accomplishments.
However, Pujols is just another Hank Greenberg knock-off. Look at their power numbers. Pujols has a career slugging percentage of .617. Greenberg has a career .605 slugging percentage. Also, look at the number of Perfect Offensive Player (POP) years each compiled. Pujols has nine. Greenberg has eight.
Both of them sold their ethnic groups short. Pujols didn’t belong at Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally last fall taking that stupid Hero Award. Greenberg should have spoken out against Adolf Hitler. That might seem like revisionist history, but he could have said something.
The Hipster Isn’t Sure How Good the World Series Will Be
The hipster doesn’t have high hopes for World Series thrills this year. Last year, the World Series wasn’t that great. The Rangers and Giants were a mismatch.
The hipster hopes this will be a good World Series. Maybe Pujols will hit a few home runs. Nelson Cruz could hit a few, too. The pitching matchups seem exciting. C.J. Wilson and Chris Carpenter in Game 1 should be good.
Then again, it could disappoint. The Rangers' starting pitchers could fall through like they did in the ALCS. Cruz might lose his stroke.
Here’s for the best. If it isn’t much fun, at least the hipster will look good watching it.
For Routine Griping, There’s George W. Bush
If the hipster lacks a decent topic of conversation, thoughts will turn to former president George W. Bush.
Why does Bush have to be at the game? He should be somewhere else. Bush should be lifting weights or going for a night run. The hipster doesn’t want to see Bush at a game, whether watching on TV or at the park.
FOX cut away to Bush way too much during the ALCS. They did it whenever they had the chance in that series. That clip where the umpire was telling Bush how his wife loves him was simply sanctimonious.
I thought Bush was trying to lay low, as he had been keeping a low profile since he left office. He’s only done a few interviews, and he published his book Decision Points. Besides that, he’s been the new Lyndon Johnson, a former president who keeps quiet because of his unpopular war.
Bush should stay home.