Jackie Chan's not the only one who does his own stunts.
New! Week 1 Jackpot Conclusion You know, I call it Jackpot for a reason. Picking players can turn from calculated decisions to gambles so quickly. Ultimately though, I take responsibility for Jacoby Ford. I picked a dud, but I didn’t expect him to flame out so completely! Negative run yardage and a fumble? Good grief, Charlie! Well as promised, I lost the bet so I made my way to Target instead of Wal-Mart thinking they’ll be a sparcer crowd of grizzly biker dudes here. Apparently grizzly bikers dudes shop at the same stores that everyone else shops at. T As seven foot, 400 pound Biker Bob and 2 foot, 40 pound Little Cloey were walking to the car with red Target shopping bags in hand, I mustered some courage and patted “little monkey” on the head.
Well Cloey must’ve learned a thing or two from papa, cause she knuckled me square in my jewels. Bob finished me off properly with a full nelson and an atomic drop on asphalt pavement. I’m typing this article on my laptop with my toes as both my arms are in casts. If you followed my advice last week, you can relish in my pain. I suffered right along with you. I don’t hate myself that much, and plan to make up for it Week 2. Check out Jackpot Week 2, if not for advice, then at least for a chuckle. Hey, I might even be almost right this time!
Sniff. Smell the testosterone in the air. That's the smell of the fantasy football season starting tomorrow, and you, amigo, have to make some decisions for your team's lineup.
Don't fear, my nervous little friends, because the Fantasy Jackpot is here to solve your problems (at least if you own him). What is a Fantasy Jackpot? He's the little guy who outscores some of the big stars. You can play matchup with them and reap the rewards.
When I say little guy, coming from someone monikered Papa Smurf, I don’t mean that far down the roster like an Antonio Brown or an Early Doucet. The guys I’m talking about are legitimate starters, but are often picked as a No. 3 receiver or No. 3 running back in the draft and are used sparingly. I’m all about playing the matchup and giving these guys some room to score for your team. If you joined me last year, you know how this works. If not, just keep reading.
The Heartbeat of America. That's Today's Jacoby Ford (Did I Get That Right?)
With all the talk of Denarius Moore this and Moore that, the second best offensive player on the Oakland Raiders roster has been in the shadow due to a hand injury. Well, the hand is healed folks.
Jacoby is ready to run, and run he will. With a trick play, he ran 71 yards for a touchdown last year against the same Denver Broncos he plays this week, so expect Jacoby to get receptions AND carries to make him a double threat and a fantasy powerhouse.
Even with dusty Brian Dawkins (he’s 37, which is Bible old in the NFL) in the background, Ford should make a splash. There’s a rookie in the backfield, too. Rahim Moore will be open to mistakes his first pro game. Couple all this with the fact that their defensive line is wracked with injuries, and Ford is your No. 2 or No. 3 wide receiver.
I project five receptions for 60 to 80 yards, one or two carries for 40 yards and 2 touchdowns.
Start Jacoby Over These Studdlies
Steve Smith – Even playing the Cardinals, he’ll perform like the other Steve Smith is performing now—sitting on his hind parts. You’ll be lucky to get a touchdown with DeAngelo Williams rushing for every play on an epically bad Cardinals rush defense.
Mike Thomas – Garrard is gone. And so we bid farewell as Mike’s breakout fantasy year fades into the sunset.
Any Rams receiver – They play the Eagles. Have you ever seen an eagle swoop down to catch a muskrat? Meet the St. Louis Muskrats!
Marques Colston – Do you remember in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy greased the Tin Man’s knees? Meet Marques Colston, the Tin Man!
Bernard Berr (can’t use him as a scapegoat anymore. He’s legit. I’ll miss you old buddy.)
Michael Crabtree – Welcome my new scapegoat that will guarantee me correctness! The Sultan of Suck, Michael Crabtree! Have you ever seen a rookie wide receiver, who’s never participated in camp training and blames his quarterback for his lack of productivity, with such a bloated ego? Meet Michael Crabtree, the… um… Michael Crabtree! (Okay, this joke has run its course, sorry.)
If I’m wrong about Jacoby, I’ll roam the local Wal-Mart parking lot to find a biker dude the size of America’s deficit holding his toddler’s hand. I’ll stroll up to Bubba, turn to his toddler and pet his head saying, “Hey there little monkey.” Ouch. Of course, If I’m right, then I’ll pitch in for a tub of Gojo to scrub the Harley tread marks off your back. Till next week, great luck!
About Me, Wendell "Papa Smurf" Gaymon
I’m not really a little, blue, hairless, half-naked leprechaun who lives in a decked-out mushroom. I’m an average Joe like you, who spends his eight hours of sleep obsessing over this game we call Fantasy Football. You’ll find I’m a bit off-kilter with my picks, but I think that’s how you win best, by picking the best players with the best matchups.