Brandon McCarthy: 10 MLB Player Twitter Accounts You Should Be Following

Brandon McCarthyGuest ColumnistJune 1, 2011

Brandon McCarthy: 10 MLB Player Twitter Accounts You Should Be Following

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    A few weeks ago, I was contacted by Bleacher Report asking me to write a few articles for the site. Apparently they found my Twitter account "funny" and wanted to see if that would carry over to pieces that were more than 140 characters.

    I'm pretty sure it won't, due to a crushing lack of self-confidence, but I'll give it a shot.

    On the outside, Twitter and athletes seem like a match made in heaven. The idea of being able to connect with fans directly, give your own updates, set stories straight and show your true personality seems like a dream scenario for pro athletes, who always feel misrepresented. But because athletes, and more specifically baseball players, have a general fear of the Internet, the love connection has been slow to form.

    Thankfully, that's starting to change.

    So with that in mind, I've come up with a list of the 10 MLB Twitter accounts that you have* to follow.

    * You really don't have to follow any of these because, to be honest, this list is poorly researched and you'd be better served reading The Onion. My laziness really had a chance to shine as I researched this, so basically it's a list of people I've played with or know personally, with a few others sprinkled in.

10. Dallas Braden

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    Reason to follow

    When you were young, did you ever shove shrooms into your computer's CD-ROM drive just to see what would happen?

    Neither did I, but if I had, I'd imagine my computer would've spit out something that mirrors Dallas' Twitter feed. His account is so weird that when he was on painkillers after surgery, his tweets made more sense than normal.


    Sample tweet

    @DALLASBRADEN209 no more terrorist playing cards, time 4 terrorist twister! left A$$ cheek on kadafi. can I see a body tho? could b hangin' w/2pac and Elvis.

9. Brett Anderson

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    Reason to follow

    I'm not sure, to be honest. My buddy Brett's tweets are very simple, which is nice if you don't care for reading…and there's some fan interaction (although most of it is about "rage music," or me and him making fun of teammates).

    He's actually a really funny person, but he's also quiet, so I guess his Twitter is perfect for who he is. He's the Twitter version of Kevin Nealon, actually. You'll forget for a long time that you're following him, and then one day it'll pop up, you'll laugh, and then you'll go about your business. 

    You can't miss gems like this:


    Sample tweet

    @BrettAnderson49 Today is a new day 

8. Derek Holland

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    Reason to follow

    To start, his profile pic is a pretty good prelude to what you'll get from him. Derek's probably one of the most easy-going and fun-loving guys in the big leagues. He's like a golden retriever. He just goes about his business and is happier than hell to do it.

    His Twitter account is a pretty accurate portrayal of who he really is. Things you'll learn when you follow him: He loves sports—mainly the Blue Jackets, Stars, Mavs, Cowboys and Wolverines (but he's not afraid to include any other team that gives him a chance to meet the players)—and he's deathly afraid of using commas.


    Sample tweet

    @Dutch_Oven45 games are in the afternoon and so was hockey so probably not and that sucks cause i wanna see it

7. Darren O'Day

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    Reason to follow

    O'Day is one of the smartest and funniest guys in the game of baseball. There are few topics that he doesn't know something about (self-proclaimed "renaissance man"), and his dry humor cracks me up.

    Unfortunately, NONE of this comes across on his Twitter feed. So I recommend you follow him if you have trouble sleeping, 'cause his feed is the Internet equivalent of an Ambien and a glass of wine.

    There's hope for him, but he probably needs more followers in order to hit his stride. Let's hope, at least.


    Sample tweet

    @DODay56 Sons of Anarchy before bed is a terrible idea.

6. Brandon Phillips

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    Reason to follow

    Man, this guy is positive. You open up his page and it's a treat for the senses.

    Well, just the vision sense, I guess, because the rest are pretty much unnecessary for Twitter. But visually, it's something else. Colorful background, colorful hashtags, exclamation points galore—the works.

    He always seems to have a positive message about whatever is going on with him or the Reds, and while I usually eye-roll at extreme positivity, I really like his. You probably will, too. (Then again, maybe you won't. What do I know?)

    Added bonus: Want him at your Little League game or your son's fourth birthday party? How about your kid's fifth-grade show and tell? Just ask him on Twitter. Anything's possible with this guy.


    Sample tweet

    @DatDudeBP Times like this, all you can do is laugh and joke around! Cheer up... We will be just fine... Staying positive is the key to success

5. C.J. Wilson

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    Reason to follow

    Warning: If you follow him, prepare to feel worthless, because he lives life like he's playing a nonstop game of "what would you do if you had six months to live?"

    He's more active than my stomach after my morning coff...never mind. He does a lot of cool stuff all over the world, and due to his need to prove he's done all the things he's done, he graciously posts every picture, video and tidbit even his diary doesn't know about.


    Sample tweet

    @str8edgeracer I really enjoy interleague play, getting heckled (albeit only by a handful) by people with new accents beats the "hey nice blue glove" crowd

4. Logan Morrison

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    Reason to follow

    I'm fairly certain that if you sign up to follow him, he's contractually obligated to @reply to you at some point.

    Someone once told me that he was funnier than me on Twitter, so now I kind of hate him. Actually, I'm still pretty bitter about it, so forget everything I just said. Don't follow Logan Morrison.


    Sample tweet

    @LoMoMarlins So wait "trolling" on Twitter is not looking for ugly people??

3. Ozzie Guillen

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    Reason to follow

    Ozzie's famous for being exactly who he is and, because of that, he has easily the most real Twitter account in baseball.

    If you like controversy in your feed, broken English or classic one-liners, then he's a must-follow. A high percentage of MLB tweeters go out of their way to not show their real personality or say what's actually on their minds. Ozzie isn't one of them.


    Sample tweet

    @OzzieGuillen This blepen tornado killing us my god

2. David Price

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    Reason to follow

    Like Logan Morrison's—but he's a pitcher, so obviously that makes him better.

    Honestly, you'd be really hard-pressed to ask for more from an athlete's Twitter account. TONS of fan interaction, and he's really funny on top of that. Plus, he was probably a high draft pick for most of your fantasy teams, and this gives you a way to ask him questions about setting your lineup. Athletes love that.

    Extra: He loves playing the video game FIFA, and that gives him like 1,000-plus points on my scale. At some point we'll be having a showdown, which I'm sure will be broadcast live over Twitter.


    Sample tweet

    @DAVIDprice14 Question…if I'm in the airport and on one of those walkways that move and I just stand as opposed to walk...does that make me lazy?

1. Brandon McCarthy

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    Reason to follow

    What? It's my list.

    You know how I said Brandon Phillips' Twitter always has a positive message, enthusiastic tweets and solid fan interaction? Well, I'm the opposite of that. I'm who you'd go to if you were looking for unnecessary sarcasm, outdated Arrested Development references and an unfounded sense of superiority.

    If that's not the type of Twitter feed that would interest you, then you can forget I said anything and go back to your TiVo'd episodes of The Bill Engvall Show. Everyone else, though—I'd be mildly happy to have you on board.


    Sample tweet

    @b__mccarthy Thousands of years after the rapture the new civilization will uncover what we leave behind and I'll still be 'on the DL'. #pitypartyforone