That man is smiling because Adrian Beltre is currently the "hottest" item left on the Major League Baseball winter stove now that Cliff Lee, Carl Crawford, Jayson Werth, Victor Martinez and Adam Dunn have found greener pastures.
Or more luxurious estates with more elegantly manicured lawns amidst a community with higher gates.
You say potato, I say potato...
The point is that the prize of the offseason is now a 31-year-old third baseman who's proven to be underwhelming unless surrounded by an elite supporting cast, working in a hitter's yard and/or playing for a new contract.
Oh, and he's represented by Scott Boras.
What you just heard was the sound of 30 major-league teams shuffling through the deck for more efficient options or a more pleasant negotiating partner (which shouldn't be hard unless this human Porta-John is the only name in their contacts).
And the first ones to pass were likely out near the Left Coast.
Based on the free-agent doings in the National League West, you can bet the Arizona Diamondbacks, Los Angeles Dodgers, San Francisco Giants, San Diego Padres and Colorado Rockies never even saw Beltre's tires. Forget about kicking them.
The former Dodger seems priced out of each club's budget and superfluous based on existing options at the hot corner.
So no, Adrian Beltre almost certainly won't be in the division next year.
But there are other players who could help and Spring Training is still months away so the dealing's not done. With that in mind, here are 15 players (really 12) who might be competing in the NL West come 2011: