The Charm City Choke: Why It Sucks to Be from Baltimore

It’s hard to argue that there has ever been a better time to be a sports fan from New England. 

The Red Sox are World Champs, having successfully supplanted the dreaded Yankees as the beast of the East. 

The Patriots are rolling toward an undefeated season, with a QB poised to take over a host of single-season records. 

The Celtics have actually lived up to the hype, and are as good, if not better, than everyone expected them to be.

As fans from Maine to Connecticut bathe in an even-increasing glory, I can’t help but want to spit in their clam chowder.  I’m from Baltimore. I love my hometown, I embrace its flaws and celebrate Charm City, even as outsiders claim the charm has all but rubbed off.

But I can’t help thinking that right now, there is no worse place to be a sports fan than Baltimore.

There is little as sacred to born and bred Baltimoreans than their beloved Orioles.  A team with a rich history, a smattering of classy Hall of Famers, a stadium that could be the eighth wonder of the world—and of course, Boog’s BBQ. 

Sadly, that’s about all the good you can say about the current team.  Though Andy McPhail has sparked a little hope, the Orioles are rebuilding, and fans can dream for nothing more than finishing at or just over .500.  How’s that for a low-level goal? 

While Toronto, New York, and Boston continue to post winning seasons, the Orioles are shopping around the few players that actually mean something to this team.  Though there is no love lost in the Miguel Tejada trade, he was supposed to end the losing ways, so losing him certainly hurts.

And O’s fans know that in order to accumulate any respectable young talent we must part with Erik Bedard and likely Brian Roberts, the two home grown stars of whom we are the proudest, save Mr. Markakis. 

Despite 19 current and former O’s being named in the Mitchell Report—more than any other team—our players weren’t even so generous as to have their performances enhanced while on HGH. 

With Peter Angelos likely to pass the franchise on to his sons, O’s fans continue to live in the past, watching the DVD of Cal Ripken’s record-breaking season until it breaks.  After a decade of losing, with no reprieve in sight, industry experts predict that Tampa Bay is on the rise (where fans can at least celebrate the Bucs success), and no free agents want to touch the team with a ten foot pole. 

Even current Orioles trash Baltimore: Aubrey Huff referred to it as a horses*** town, and fan favorite Kevin "Mascot" Millar went north to bond with his former mates in Beantown as they won another ring. 

Former Orioles, both new and old, from Curt Schilling to John Maine, succeed on other teams, leaving Camden Yards in clouds of dust created by Orioles fans running from "Yankee Stadium South."

Meanwhile we collect everyone else's trash—Benson, Wright, Payton, Zambrano—only to learn that the dump is in fact where such refuse belongs.

But hey, at least we have the Ravens. Or that’s what we said after Steve McNair led the team to 13-3 last season.  Who could beat us in the AFC North, we reasoned? 

The answer?  Apparently everyone.

With one game left against a division rival, the Ravens are poised to go 0-6 against the Browns, Steelers, and Bengals.  As the Ravens complete their transformation into a staggering disappointment, fans are still dealing with Super Bowl victories by the Colts and Steelers—the two teams Ravens fans hate the most. 

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?