Fake Rough Draft of Roger Goodell's NFL Job Application Letter Surfaces

On Thursday morning, ESPN's Darren Rovell tweeted out an image of a letter written by a young Roger Goodell asking former NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle for a job.

As far as historical NFL documents go, it's basically one of the Dead Sea Scrolls but with a whiff of club sandwich and seersucker:

B/R illustration

Short and proper, the letter set Goodell on his path to the summit of the professional sporting world—but things could've gone much differently.

What appears to be a rough draft (but isn't, really) of Goodell's cover letter surfaced Thursday on the Internet. While sharing a similar font, this first draft varies drastically from the reverent tone used in the final edited product.

The following is a verbatim of the draft (full image available here). The foreshadowing of regimes to come is unmistakable:

"

Dear Mr. Rozelle:

I am writing to you in reference to any job openings you may have in your offices.

Having just finished my 22nd year as a senator’s son, I am looking for a position in the management of professional sports. Being an avid fan of football, I have always desired a career lording over the sport and passing case-by-case judgement upon any who would defy me.

So it goes without saying, I am a great admirer of yours, and it would be both an honor and a pleasure to help you hector young entertainers with total impunity.

Of course, I do not come to you empty-handed. The following are some proposals for how we can make a more marketable league culture everyone will definitely like forever:

1. Defense Reform

Turning free safeties into revenue streams.

2. “Thursday Night Football”

Midweek games for the undiscerning drunk.

3. The Devil’s Spinach

Marijuana is a leafy call girl God created to test the weak, and no young man will poison himself into a sinful Cheetoh slumber on my watch.

3. Balls

Round and supple. We must respect and protect the balls. Balls.

4. New Goal Posts

Save money by switching from steel to balsa wood.* *Criminalize post-touching.

5. Did You SEE It Happen?

Because I didn’t.

Thank you for your consideration in these matters, Mr, Commissioner. I look forward to replacing you.

H.A.G.S.,

Roger S. Goodell

P.S.:   Stay cool don't change.

"

And that's why you always let a friend edit your cover letter. 

Dan is on Twitter, staying cool, never changing.