NFL Mock Draft: Eat Your Heart Out, Mel Kiper

I don't really have a witty opening here, and nor do I plan on thinking of one.

Why should I? All the ideas of possible draft picks are running through my head.

So, instead of wasting more time, I'll just tell you what I'm doing.

There are probably 50 different versions of these flying all over ESPN's Page 2. So that is why I'm doing the idea justice and ripping them off.

Here is the ultimate mockery of mock drafts for 2008.

The first thing we are going to do is make it a lottery like the NBA, because lets face it. That is just a brilliant idea.

The thing is the order came out pretty much intact. The only differences were the New York Jets got the first pick, and the New York Giants got the second pick.

Yes with just one lottery ball, the New York Giants were picked second. Let's face it, it's not the only time they beat ridiculous odds.

Shoot! There’s that witty intro, stop wasting time!

1. New York Jets - Stephen Spielberg, Filmmaker 

Not to be outdone by his counterpart Bill Belichick, Eric Mangini enlists Spielberg to help him create the ultimate collection of opposing team's walkthroughs.

2. New York Giants - Mercury Morris, Perfect RB

I'm willing to bet Mercury has dirty pictures of Tom Coughlin and the entire Giants team. How else could they muster up the ability to beat the Patriots? Mercury continues to blackmail New York into helping him make his comeback.

3. Cleveland Browns - Alice the Snorg Girl

Bill Parcells refuses to make a pick, then promptly deals it for Derek Anderson and every pick the Browns own. They select the girl from the Snorg T-Shirt advertisements because apparently, she's kind of a big deal.

4. St. Louis Rams - Trevor Immelman, Golfer

How many Majors has Marc Bulger won? That's right, one less than Trevor Immelman! 

5. Atlanta Falcons - Snoopy, Cartoon Dog

What better way to show you disapprove of Michael Vick's actions than select probably the most lovable dog ever? I mean, Snoopy is Joe Cool. 

6. Oakland Raiders - Tommy Kelly, Raiders DL

They liked him enough to give him an absurd amount of money. But, they like him that much more to select him in a spot they didn't have the guts to select him at years ago. 

7. Kansas City Chiefs - Trey Hillman, Royals Manager

Hey, he turned the Royals around. Why not the Chiefs? The only downside is Billy Butler is not included in the selection. Too bad, the "Big Donkey" would have brought some punch to that offensive line.

8. New England Patriots - Darren McFadden, RB

What? Just because none of the other teams are taking real players doesn't mean Bill Belichick has to play by those rules. Haven't we learned this by now?

9. Baltimore Ravens - The Entire Michigan Defense

Matt Ryan be damned, the Ravens are going to make Troy Smith work. What better way to give him some confidence in practice? I may have just poked my team, but I don't really care at this point.

10. Cincinnati Bengals - Dexter Morgan, Serial Killer

I've never seen the show but apparently this guy kills people and gets away with it. Perfect!

11. New Orleans Saints - A 12-Foot Wall

How else are they going to stop the streaking receivers from running down their side of the field? 

12. Buffalo Bills - Vince Carter, Nets Forward

In anticipation for their eventual move to Toronto, they need a tour guide and someone who is already familiar with the fan base.

13. Denver Broncos - Brian "Smash" Williams, Dillon Panthers RB

Mike Shanahan is content on showing the world ANY running back can play in his system. Even a fictional one.

14. Carolina Panthers - Stephen Curry, Davidson Guard

The NCAA Tournament darling is staying home to score for the Panthers. The Bobcats can have him if they take Jake Delhomme.  

15. Chicago Bears

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?