Week One: Leftfield Lunatics 8, LB's Maniaxs 2
Press Conference with Loons GM Sergey Zikov and Manager Lloyd McClendon.
THE MODERATOR: Questions, please.
Question: Congratulations on the win, first of all. How does it feel?
Lloyd McClendon: Look, it's one win. We couldn't buy a Filet of Fish from McDonald's with that. And you're talking like it's the playoffs? PLAYOFFS? That's a terrible question!
Sergey Zikov: Well first we want to thank all our incredible fans and millions of season ticket holders. Without them, nothing is possible. It's a good start for our ballclub and we expect nothing of the same next week.
Question: The offense was completely in gear and it's only the first week of the regular season. What do you make of that?
Lloyd McClendon: Well you know me, fellas. I still don't think we stole enough bases. We definitely we're up to our potential there. I felt Jose Reyes and Emilio Bonifacio could have got their feet out of the chicken coop and run like they got a dingo on their behinds.
Sergey Zikov: There are obviously places we can improve. We need to score more runs if we are going to win in this league. Our home run totals are also a bit low so we will be passing out HGH and other types of anabolic steroids tomorrow in the locker room.
Question: Any concerns about the pitching? Several guys had very poor outings to say the least and the team did not manage many saves. What's the deal?
Lloyd McClendon: Don't you have a go at my boys, Jimmy! Come after me!
Sergey Zikov: The saves will come sometime. I wouldn't count on it too much, because we will probably be sending Mariano [Rivera] down to the minor leagues later this week to get some more playing time. As for the pitching, our strikeouts are there but we can't keep our *bleeping* ERA down!
Question: You've managed to work a number of minor league starters into the rotation this week, guys like Nick Blackburn, Yusmeiro Petit and Kevin Correia into the lineup. Is this a trend we can expect to see more of?
Lloyd McClendon: Yep. We just take 'em kids and put 'em out on the dirt. No pain, no gain, Sally.
Sergey Zikov: No question about it. We like to see guys like that on the big league roster. Better them than Justin [Verlander] or Jared [Weaver] stinking up the joint.
Question: What did you make of the opposition?
Lloyd McClendon: No comment.
Sergey Zikov: They were a worthy opponent who gave us all we could handle. It came right down to the wire for sure. They were hurt in the long run though by starting Matt Wieters at catcher and two very disabled pitchers, uh, in the rotation.
All the lucky bounces were going our way and we were fortunate enough they ate the cake that Soriano sneezed all over. It gave them a nasty bout of common cold for the week.
Question: Now we understand the team has a trade in the works, can you talk about that a little?
Lloyd McClendon: Meh? I just steal the bases. Talk to him.
Sergey Zikov: That is correct. We have traded Evan Longoria, Curtis Granderson and Joba Chamberlain to the Brooklyn Bashers for Nick Markakis, Josh Beckett and Conor Jackson.
Question: What was the reasoning behind that?
Sergey Zikov: We felt that we had ample depth at middle infielder and therefore was an expendable position. We had a glaring need for a staff ace like Josh who can deliver wins and keep a good ERA. He will definitely bring stability to our rotation. We also gained a young player in Nick who brings a lot of potential and youth to our veteran outfield.
Last, we gained a versatile position player in Jackson, who has the ability to play infield and outfield while hitting for a very solid average. We knew we had to give to get and giving up a great player like Evan was what we needed to do.
Question: Any other players on the trading block at the moment?
Sergey Zikov: Mariano Rivera. We are looking for a position player or even a starter in return for him.
Question: You face End of the Dugout next. What is the strategy?
Lloyd McClendon: We need to drink more protein shakes, take some more HGH, all the usuals pre-game rituals. We're gonna need to steal some more too if we wanna run with those boys.
Sergey Zikov: I won't lie, I don't think we have much of a chance. They're just a great all around ballclub. We have to stick to our game and continue to get pucks into the offensive zone to create scoring opportunities.
Question: We heard that Kaz Matsui hit a foul ball through your windshield. What happened there?
Lloyd McClendon: Boy, you really think Mr. Matsui has that kind of power? That kid couldn't hit a golf ball out of the infield.
Sergey Zikov: That cost a considerable bit of money to fix. We gave him the pink slip for it and brought in Emilio [Bonifacio] instead. Alright that'll be all for now. We have to go watch Anna Benson's game film from last week.