The NFL draft is upon us, and with it comes enough speculation to fill a stadium: How will players fit into systems? Was it smart to trade up? How can this person make an immediate impact? Long term, will that pick be the right choice?
There's no way of knowing for sure, but there is one definitive thing we can conclude tonight—the suits.
Yes, the players' suits. We have no idea of knowing if the inevitable high selection of Ryan Tannehill will be a dumb one, but we can grade his ensemble. The guessing game to whether Andrew Luck or Robert Griffin III will have a better pro career can rage on, but we can definitively conclude who had more style while shaking the commish's hand.
Looking the part is key, even if these guys usually rock T's and jeans like yours truly. The pictures and video of these players at the draft will be shown for years to come. For the inevitable busts, this moment will be the high point of their careers. So, per our yearly tradition, Bleacher Report is here to put its massive sartorial skills to use.
Yup, just what you'd expect from exciting 'ole Andrew. When he wasn't fascinating us with his stupid-good passing skills, Luck was a virtual dial tone off the field. He set records at Stanford for his "aw-shucks, I'm just another dude" demeanor.
So, did you really expect him to come out Craig Sager-style? No, the safe money was that Luck took the inspired-by-Men's Warehouse route, and he didn't disappoint: dark suit, white shirt and tie the average middle manager can pull off.
In all, a simple Midwestern look for Indy's new franchise QB.
Whoa. More on this powder blue, red tie, mixing patterns, Twitter-baiting suit in a sec. (And did you see those socks?!)
Before everyone goes too crazy, RG3 could have come out in a sherbet-orange "Dumb and Dumber" tux, and it would still look better than that creepy Subway sculpture of him that took over the Internet a couple days back. Statues should be made of bronze, marble or other, non-edible materials. BBQ chicken doesn't count.
Digression aside, RG3's outfit is interesting to say the least. The conservative side of me says, "You'll regret wearing something so wild 10 years down the road"—like when kids at your school rocked dog tags on school picture day or something.
The fun side of me says "why the heck not?" He's about to play for Dan Snyder—may as well have a little fun before heading to Washington. And besides, none of us could pull that suit off—crazy socks included. "Go catch your dreams" indeed.
Grade: B -
Richardson may be "ordinary" in the eyes of Jim Brown, but "First Down" didn't have the style to pull off a look like this. The tie is meh, but the rest of the ensemble rightfully represents springtime. The safe play is black and RG3's power blue will be the zaniest, so going creme-colored is a good compromise.
Besides, this young man is now stuck in Cleveland, which has arguably the most bland uniforms in all of pro sports. And those glasses? Sure, a tad hipster-ish, but it's a step in the right direction from the combine.
Regardless what he's wearing, you can bet Colt McCoy is rather enthused right now.
UPDATE: Well, McCoy's happiness most likely went out the window after Cleveland drafted Brandon Weeden. Hello, controversy.
Grade: B -
Even with all the speculation that the Vikings would go the shutdown-corner route, it was like Kalil knew all along. The purple tie a coincidence, Matt, or just what popped out when your and your agent hit the tailor?
Either way, a good look considering you're heading to Minnesota. It's one that will stand the test of time. And the pinstripes are a nice touch.
One the best looks going so far, Blackmon's gray-creme-black outfit makes him look the part of a top-five pick (the fact he's an freakishly athletic, game-breaking wideout probably had something to do with it).
With that color combo, even the Jaguars' turquoise had and jersey actually looked OK. Fate? Who knows, but Blackmon's sporting one of the best look of the draft so far. Experts may have doubts about his abilities to be a legit No. 1 receiver in the future, but he does earn himself the highest grade we've got so far.
This, RG3, is a way to do it without going over the top.
Grade: A -
Shutdown corner rocking a chunky, red power-tie? Makes perfect sense, even if it clashes with the the Cowboys jersey he's holding up. By the way, how cool is it that this year that they're pressing the names of the players onto the jerseys? What's making it an even bigger accomplishment is that this draft is moving at a sprinter's pace. Not much time to catch breath, let alone cut to a commercial.
Deion's NFL Network corn-balling, though? Working like a charm.
Oh yeah, the suit. Decent.
The grey suit and shirt combo is the best going so far, but then it all derails with the purple tie and massive gold bling on both hands. No problem with a little flash, but the gold just seems to clash with the rest of the outfit. For instance, Dontari Poe is going platinum, and it just looks way better. (Though he's got other issues, as you'll see).
The minuses cancel out the plusses, and we end up with a 2.0 average here.
Dude gets an A. Wait, scratch that. Dude gets an A-plus. And here's why: odds are, his wife helped him pick out this suit, and have you seen his wife? Yeah. She got two seconds of time on ESPN earlier this year and crashed the internet.
There may be bust stigma all around the future Dolphins QB (the first first-round QB taken by the team since Marino), but he wins here, and at home.
Grade: A +
You remember that cake class you had in high school where the teacher never seemed to fail anybody? I'm starting to feel that way right now. Am I being too nice, or are these future football stars just upping their style? Seriously, I may have to go back and dock RG3 a grade or two. Each person who steps out just keeps outdoing him.
Gilmore here takes the lead in the totally official B/R Best Look of the Draft contest (Tannehill doesn't count), who pulls off the multiple-blues look here with ease. Just look how effortlessly he out-styles the commissioner here in this photo.
Grade: A (Ugh).
Yawn. Digging the fact he's rocking the price of a house on his wrist, but it only manages to add a little life to this otherwise drab black and white ensemble.
That being said, it's scary to write anything about this big man considering just how fast he could catch me in person. Remember that 40 time? Anyhow, it's about time (gulp).
Uhhhhhh, OK. Like the creme color, but the rest of it is suspect. White shirts are boring. They belong on waiters, or in Don Draper's office drawer, so he can change them inconspicuously after a night on the town. For the draft, though? Kinda weak, and the tie isn't helping either. Reminds me of a generic J-Garcia look.
Good thing he's going to Philly, where there's bigger concerns than style. Like booing. (Yeah, it's played out, but I couldn't resist.)
Grade: C -
I'm happy for you, Michael. You get to play and learn from Larry Fitzgerald, who will not only be a great person to observe, but will eat up a large chunk of attention from opposing corners and safeties. OK, now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's vent.
I'm sick of purple. It's everywhere. It started out nice with the Vikings' pick Matt Kalil rocking team colors, and has spiraled out of control. Look, I've got no problem with purple. When you pull it off, like Floyd is here, it can be a good color. But I'm sick of it, and Floyd's going to get an unfair deal: minus two letter grades for pushing me over the edge on this color.
Sorry, Michael, at least you're going to be a lot richer than me.
Brockers, all 6'5", 322 pounds of him, pulls this suit off nicely. Problem? It's purple. This draft has TOO much purple. Yeah, I know he went to LSU. Still, the purple is officially played out. Sorry, but this had to happen. Deal with it.
Grade: D -
Yes or no on the polka dots? I'm on the fence. In almost any other situation, I say go for it. The draft, though? Maybe a little bit of an over-the-top attention ploy? Hmmmm.
Screw it. I'm for it. The vest is an absolute no-no, but it's not like he wore baby blue with conflicting stripes (*cough* RG3). Minus points for the vest and pocket square ('lil too poofy), but props on taking the risk. After all, this is sports. We can have a little fun, right (like those TOTALLY sober dudes screaming out before each name is read)?
Grade: B -
This will be simple, like Coples' suit.
It's nice. It's clean. The handkerchief and tie bar are a nice touch. The tie is a neat, yet a subtle way to remind everyone he went to UNC. A simple, understated outfit for a defensive end going to a team that's anything but.
Grade: B +
Remember that Mentos commercial where the guy sits on the newly painted bench in his black suit, then he turns it into pinstripes? For some reason, that's all I can think of here. These pinstripes are way too profound, and let's not get started on the shirt.
And a three piece? A three piece? Not in 2012.
The Suit: F
There's a Brooks Brothers around the corner from the B/R office. I could hop out of my desk right now and emulate this look within minutes, a look that makes it look like McClellin just got done with bid night at the Omega house.
Boring. So, so boring.
(My co-workers have reminded me that he went to a school in Idaho, and should be granted leniency as such, so I will back off...a bit. Minus points for the boring suit, and an extra demerit for playing at a school with blue turf.)
Final Grade: D -
(So much for being that easy teacher.)
Doesn't take a style guru to find the problem here (thank goodness). The tie simply overpowers the rest of the suit, which is rather tame by comparison. All for crazy ties and socks, but they can't nuke the rest of the outfit, like this beacon of fuchsia brightness does.
But, he can't fail, because A) I've been a bit too mean lately; and B) this still looks better than the athletic apparel his alma mater (Baylor) has been cranking out this year.
Grade: C -
That suit just matches so well with that Packers jersey. So, so well. It was a good-looking suit by itself, but the fact it doesn't clash with his new uni makes all the difference. Works for me, and he'll be graded accordingly.
A no-fills suit doesn't need any frill-y critique.
The consensus around the office (OK, well the couple people around my desk) is "understated." Works for me, as I'm still trying to catch my breath from this NASCAR race that posed as an NFL Draft. Man, that was fast.
Before we get too off-track, let's give out some credit to his tie, which is in the running for best of the night. Incorporates in a little Alabama without being too brash about it. A good site for sore eyes.