All Time Fictional Football Movie Starting Lineup: Offense
Any sports fan can't help but get psyched up for a good sports movie. For some reason, I've always preferred fictional movies because I love the overly obnoxious characters that are basically caricatures of real-life players.
I love Any Given Sunday, The Program and all those movies, so I figured that I would go ahead and try and come up with the greatest lineup from all of these fictional football movies.
The only criteria is that the player has to come from a college or pro football-based film.
So with that, here we go:
QB: Paul "Wrecking" Crewe, The Longest Yard
To me this was a three-horse race between Crewe, Willie Beamen and Shane "Footsteps" Falco.
Crewe and Falco were both decorated college quarterbacks, and Beamen was electrifying and led his team to the Pantheon Cup in his first year as a starter.
I think Falco is probably the best pure passer and Beamen is clearly the best athlete, but I think Crewe is the perfect blend and also seems the most consistently cool under pressure. Crewe also gets bonus points for his league MVP award, so he is my quarterback.
That is, unless he gets too far into debt with some bookies.
RB: Julian Washington, Any Given Sunday
Julian, while clearly being arguably the most selfish player in the history of football cinema, is also clearly the most physically gifted back as well.
Washington was a workhorse back who appeared to be amongst the league leaders in the AFFA year in and year out.
Tough, strong and durable with good speed, Washington would be a perfect back for Crewe to play off of on play actions.
As long as he's coached by a firm, strong hand that won't let him turn into a diva, he will be fine.
RB: Darnell Jefferson, The Program
I'll tell you, this is about as imposing of a backfield as you can possibly get. Like J-Man, Darnell Jefferson is a brash, arrogant, athletically gifted runner, but he can be a little more effective as a third-down back than Washington.
Jefferson has the speed to take every play to the house and would be dynamite on screens and in the short passing game.
Once again, there needs to be a strong coaching presence to keep Jefferson under control, and if that's done, the sky is the limit.
WR: Deacon Moss, The Longest Yard
Probably the biggest "no-brainer" pick of this list. Deacon is the perfect play-action deep-threat receiver that commands a double team and can take the lid off of the defense one play and go over the middle on a dig route the next.
He's got fly-paper hands that are incapable of dropping passes.
Also, he would be the emotional leader of the team that could keep all the knuckleheads in line.
WR: Rod Tidwell, Jerry Maguire
Jerry Maguire was made in 1996, and in the movie Jerry got Rod Tidwell an $11.2 million contract, which means Tidwell clearly was a stud receiver at the time.
Grantland.com chief Bill Simmons estimated Rod Tidwell's numbers to be along the lines of 1,550 yards on 110 catches, which clearly is elite.
Although a bit undersized, Tidwell had the will and intensity to be a better version of Hines Ward.
TE: Brian Murphy, The Replacements
The tight end market is definitely one of the weakest positions in fictional movie history, but Murphy (Roy from The Office), although deaf, has the size and hands that remind me of Heath Miller.
Murphy can stay in and block while providing Crewe a solid security blanket over the middle to catch passes and turn it up field.
OL: Patrick "Madman" Kelly, Any Given Sunday
Like tight end, offensive line is similarly thin as it's not normally highlighted in many of these movies.
"Madman," however, was a tremendously intimidating lineman who would be a terror in the run game, capable of dominating at the point of contact.
OL: Jumbo and Jamal and Andre Jackson, The Replacements
Had they both been kept together, the Jackson brothers would have dominated the league the way they started to do when they came back during the strike. Both are massive road graders in the interior that are dominant run blockers.
Jumbo is even bigger and could play inside or outside.
Conditioning could be a question, but if they keep their weight in check, they would combine with Kelly to be a powerful trio in the middle.
Coach: Nick Crozier, Any Given Sunday
Crozier was the high-priced offensive coordinator for the Miami Sharks who had trouble coexisting with Tony D'Amato's stubborn ways.
I think Crozier would be a great and innovative coach just like Sean Payton. He can toe the line between being a players coach but still commanding respect.
I know I haven't seen every football movie ever made, and I am obviously going to be partial to the ones that I've seen more (just like with real writers voting for post-season awards).
So who did I forget? Who do you think should be on here? Sound off in the comments.