I am really, truly trying to find reasons for why Thursday Night Football exists, but I'm coming up empty. It's like going fishing in a septic tank. There is literally nothing redeemable about the Thursday night game, and I am here to tell you why I am so outraged about its existence:
- The scheduled games are usually horrific. Look at the 12-inch sub of despair coming up: Jets-Broncos, 49ers-Ravens, Eagles-Seahawks (Only taking place due to the allure of having two teams with bird names play each other), Browns-Steelers, Jaguars-Falcons, Cowboys-Buccaneers, Texans-Colts.
The only game that will interest the general public at all will be the 49ers-Ravens game, and even that will probably be a massive disappointment once you remember that Joe Flacco or Alex Smith could self-implode at any moment. The schedule for the Thursday Night games are generally horrible, the throwaway games of the NFL season. When there is mediocre football being played, you know the NFL Network will be covering it.
- The audacity that the NFL/EA Sports is showing in using "Thank God It's Thursday" as its slogan for the games. First off, no one likes Thursday. It's Friday's demented cousin. No one gets excited for Thursday because it's almost Friday, they excited for Friday because it's almost the weekend.
- The impending lackluster play due to the fact that both teams likely played four days ago is always enticing. There is a reason why the NFL isn't played every day like the MLB, or four times a week like the NBA. It's because if they did, everyone would die, including the fans. And that is almost happening now.
- In addition to the last bullet, the playing of two games in five days goes directly in line with what the NFL headquarters talks about when it wants to improve player safety, right? Because nothing says "We would like our players not to die of traumatic brain injury" quite like demanding them to play despite the fact that everything in their body still burns.
- The fact that last year, the NFL allowed Joe Theismann to be the color commentator. The alone shows they don't care about anyone's mental health.
- For some reason, Brad Nessler is cast down into this pit of hell despite the fact that he isn't too morally reprehensible.
- It starts at 8 p.m. Um, hello? The 8-9 p.m TV block is run by NBC's Community/Parks and Recreation. If you expect me to deviate from that schedule, then you are insane.
- There used to be a big deal about how no one had the NFL Network, but I feel like that problem is slowly going away. And I've always had it.
- I am almost certain that when TNF (which looks like a wrestling acronym) started, there was no first-down line, and there is no worse crime against the football viewing public then that.
- I'm still trying to figure out the purpose of Alex Flanagan, the sideline reporter who does little reporting.
So those are my grievances. I feel like Thursday Night Football shouldn't exist, or should at least become Friday Night Football. Or at least have the games not blow. Yeah, I think that last one would solve more problems.
Thursday Night Football does have a few redeeming qualities, like the Nessler-Mayock duo, but this is overshadowed by the ineptitude of the games and the overall sense of "we don't really want to be here" of the players.
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