New Jobs for 15 World Series Stars (If They Couldn't Play Baseball)

By (Contributor) on October 24, 2011

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Unless you are a stalker, or Bryant Gumbel, its tough to see much of the personality of a baseball player. Only when the camera does catch an argument, a laugh or a bad mouth full of sunflower seeds do the fans get a glimpse into the real-side of the players.

That X Factor (ironically bumped from TV for most of the World Series) is probably a big part of what makes us keep watching these guys play in the first place.

Loosely based on fact, this is a dreamed up list of occupations for 15 St. Louis Cardinals and Texas Rangers players if baseball was not an option. 

Matt Holliday, St. Louis Cardinals: TV Doctor

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Too likable to be a real doctor, Matt Holliday would make the perfect on-screen MD.

At 6’4” he could easily handle the gunman that eventually rushes into every ER in TV Land.



C.J Wilson, Texas Rangers: President, Match.com

His “I’m single” promo video says it all. Even though he tried to back pedal after it came out, C.J Wilson is on to something with the video plea for love.

Look out Zuckerberg, Wilson is coming (after the postseason).

Ron Washington, (Coach) Texas Rangers: Gangster

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Ron Washington was man enough to admit he deserved to be fired after testing positive for cocaine back in 2009.

Even so, the Rangers club stuck with him, unleashing the spirit of Shaft, old-school charm and a genuine love of the game.

We shall see if he's gangster enough to clinch the 2011 World Series title.

Yadier Molina, St. Louis Cardinals: Jersey Shore Cast Member

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He’s got the tattoos (which apparently have a secret meaning revealed to no one), the fist pump and the swagger to go head-to-head with the Situation and friends. 

Yadier Molina could be right at home on the Jersey Shore or at least visit the house long enough to show Ronnie who's boss.

Michael Young, Texas Rangers: Accountant

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He’s got the honest look of a guy you want to trust with your taxes. No drama, no smiles, just the facts gets results for Mike Young on the field.

A serious looking Jim Carey, Young seems like the type who could do wonders with those so-called “business expenses” you are claiming.

Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals: Gastroenterologist

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Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Albert Pujols is going down in history for 3 home runs in a World Series game but the pronunciation his name (“poo-holes”) is rather unfortunate.  

Mr. October is otherwise destined for a career in the intestinal field.

Josh Hamilton, Texas Rangers: Author

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Josh Hamilton has a best-seller waiting to happen, based on his life as a recovered addict.

His struggles, his demons, (a few sex escapades) and how he overcame it all would make for great reading.

Elvis Andrus, Texas Rangers: Model

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Tom Pennington/Getty Images

A refreshing player with some actual style when it comes to facial hair – not only groomed, but with a little pizzazz.

Elvis Andrus would look great in a GQ spread rocking his hygienic hipster look.

David Freese, St. Louis Cardinals: Cop

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

David Freese has many talents, but it would be such a rush to take down a criminal simply by yelling out your own last name.

Craig Gentry, Texas Rangers: Firefighter/Stripper

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Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Working hard in the outfield, Craig Gentry rarely misses a catch, but looks like he’s one to party when the job is done.

To satisfy both his responsible and wild side, he’d make a great firefighter, moonlighting as a stripper.

Mike Napoli, Texas Rangers & Nick Punto, St. Louis Cardinals: Restaurateurs

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Every legendary pizza parlor has a great back story.

What better than a partnership of former World Series rivals Mike Napoli and Nick Punto.

Lance Berkman, St. Louis Cardinals: Spokesperson

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Someone please get Lance Berkman a sponsorship deal with the facial hair dye product Just for Men.

Time to wash that Ewok fur right outta his beard.

Chris Carpenter, St. Louis Cardinals: Priest

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Rob Carr/Getty Images

At 6' 6", pitcher Chris Carpenter would look great in a cloak.

Jesus was also a carpenter so he’ll have the street cred.

Ian Kinsler, Texas Rangers: Bartender

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Ian Kinsler is a little rugged, but good looking enough to want to tell him all your problems.

He'd make the perfect host to serve up a cold one.

Tony La Russa, (Coach) St. Louis Cardinals: Actor

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Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

Apart from the transitional lenses in his glasses, Tony LaRussa is a Michael Douglas look-a-like who could score with a comeback in Basic Instinct 3. 

Relevant work experience includes reading signs between the legs.

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