Thank God Roger Goodell sent his gang of roving constables out on Troy Polamalu, because what he did during Sunday's game on the sideline surely compromised the sanctity of professional football and would have corrupted the easily-melded minds of today's youth.
Oh, what's that? Polamalu was fined $10,000 for calling his wife on the sidelines after he was taken out for concussion-like symptoms?
Well, he shouldn't have been texting anyway, right? You say Polamalu has had about eight concussions in his career, and who is to say that the next one will render him unable to enunciate words and be force-fed through a tube? And he was just texting his wife that he was "fine"?
I see. This is Rick Majerus being fined by the NCAA for buying a player a bagel. To all those still on Goodell's side (as the comment section of this article I wrote last month still proves, that people are still receiving their daily intake of soma from Goodell and his cronies), how do you live with yourselves? How do you equate Troy Polamalu calling his wife to say that his brain wasn't bleeding out of his ears to Charles Woodson actually punching someone in the chest?
Those were both worth $10,000. God forbid Polamalu wasn't wearing the wrong color socks, because then the league office could have tacked on another $10,000.
All of this somehow makes sense in the mind of Roger Goodell, and to a lesser extent, Mike Florio, who said that "'fine' is the key word" in all of this.
The point is, there are no real guidelines or exceptions to the NFL player personal conduct policy, except when King Goodell decides to amend the bylaws himself. Set aside the fact that it should have been the responsibility of the Steelers (or, you know, the NFL), to inform his wife that Troy may not be speaking in complete sentences anymore, Goodell and whoever else is involved is still emote and will refuse to change their ridiculous policies even if you bang on your pots and pans as loud as possible.
Sure, Polamalu's voice likely is the only thing that would have calmed his hysterical wife after she just saw her husband's head extirpated for seemingly the umpteenth time. But Goodell and the gang just do not care, you know? Troy consoling his wife equates to a punch in the chest or flipping America off. In the eyes of Father Goodell, they are all equal.
Follow Brendan O’Hare on Twitter: @BrendanOHarePR