Tim Tebow: What Other Movies Could He Take Over?

Timothy RappFeatured ColumnistOctober 13, 2011

Tim Tebow: What Other Movies Could He Take Over?

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    Some things just die hard. Like that character from Austin Powers. Or all of the Tim Tebow controversy, from the moment he was drafted in the first round until now, when legions of fans prayed that John Fox start him.

    Hell, even the movie series Die Hard seems to be, well, dying hard.

    Which makes it only fitting that Tebow may be starring in the next movie in the series—A Good Day to Die Hard—alongside Bruce Willis.

    Wait, what? From the Miami Herald:

    The movie’s story line will be significant because its aim is to pass on the successful franchise to a younger actor, who will play action hero John McClane’s son.

    And among the names being floated to play Willis’ son is Denver Broncos quarterback and former Florida Gator Tim Tebow.

    The topic of Tebow came up Wednesday when Tom Rothman, co-chairman and CEO of Fox Filmed Entertainment, announced the new film project exclusively on Wednesday on the syndicated sports show The Jim Rome Show, known as The Jungle.

    Which got us to thinking—what other movies should Tebow take over? Here are five we would love to see the quarterback star in.

Wildcat

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    The transition to the NFL could have been easier for Tim Tebow. No, head coach Josh McDaniels didn't need to draft him in the first round, fueling talk that the Broncos reached and Tebow would be a bust. It didn't help that his throwing motion was out of whack and many envisioned him more as a tight end than quarterback in the NFL.

    His ceiling seemed to be Kordell Stewart. His floor was Eric Crouch. (That's a "quitting" joke by the way, for those of you who aren't up on your "Option quarterback at Nebraska who quit football for a year after he was drafted by the Rams to be a wide receiver" knowledge.)

    But with the influx of the gimmicky offense known as the Wildcat, well, coaches could at least claim that the highly divisive Tebow had a role on the team, temporarily tempering his fanbase.

    Does this in any way, shape or form mirror the plot from the movie Wildcats starring Goldie Hawn?

    Nope, not really. But the title works, so just go with it.

24-Year-Old Virgin

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    Tim Tebow is a religious man. Tim Tebow doesn't plan on having sex until he gets married.

    And you guessed it—Tebow isn't married yet.

    The hijinks Tebow encounters on his way to love will make you smile, laugh, grimace and possibly question how a stud quarterback at a huge university in Florida never once succumbed to the many temptations he surely faced.

    Because let's keep it real, the expression "Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while" was probably coined at a college party.

    Of course, that blind squirrel probably didn't win the Heisman Trophy.

Angel Eyes

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    To be honest with you, I have no recollection of Angel Eyes beyond the fact that I saw it many years ago, Jennifer Lopez was in it and it was friggin' strange.

    However, I do recall that Tebow used to write Bible verses on his eye black, and the NCAA banned the practice of writing anything on eye black in 2010.

    So this would be the story of, um, Tebow fighting against the man for the right of free speech and religious persecution and maybe even the right to write an area code under your eyes if you happen to be cool like that.

    Oh, and Jim Caviezel will be in it.

Tim Tebow's Orton Hears a Boo!

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    October 11th, a sad date indeed.

    If your last name was Orton, many boos you received.

    Until one day, your head coach...his mind finally changed.

    Decided to bench you and give your backup the reins.

    You didn't really deserve it, the whole team kinda sucks.

    And because of damn Tebow, it won't be for Luck.

    He has a hard time throwing, his motion is odd.

    But people do love him, to his fans he's a ...

    Well, let's not go that far.

    It couldn't have been easy, hearing the crowd chant his name.

    While he sat on the bench, and you played the game.

    And they say the most popular man in a city these days

    Is either the backup goalie or the quarterback who doesn't play.

    So take solace in this, Mr. Orton hearing the boos.

    You'll be the popular one now, while Tebow and the Broncos lose.

The Passion of the Tebow

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    This is the story of one of the most polarizing athletes of his generation, all stemming from one fact: Tebow is a religious guy and he doesn't shy away from publicizing that fact.

    I mean, he was featured in a pro-life commercial during Super Bowl XLIV. Many conversations about Tebow naturally gravitate toward religion.

    He has become the central symbol of religious athletes and has never shied away from his beliefs or disassociated himself from them. Power to him, he has the right to them and to broadcast them—but because of that fact, he will always be a divisive figure, whether that's fair or not.

     

    My name is Timothy Rapp, and I put the "grrrr" in Swagger.

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