If NFL Players Got a 'For Dummies' Book Deal

Chase SummersCorrespondent IOctober 10, 2011

If NFL Players Got a 'For Dummies' Book Deal

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    Most of you have read the popular how to books For Dummies. But these books leave out many important topics.

    Fortunately our favorite NFL players are here to fix that. With expert guidance each of their new books is sure to be of great help and be loads of fun along the way.

    From retirement, to blocking, to choking, the new NFL For Dummies is sure to have a title for you.

Choking, by Tony Romo

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    Excerpt: Man you can't focus on the big things when you choke. It's all about (not) doing your job. If you try too hard it doesn't work.

    Just find one simple, easy to do task and ruin it to the best of your ability. For example, being the holder on a field goal. You have one job—catch the ball and set it down so the kicker can do his thing. The best way to go in a situation like this is simple just fumble the snap. The kicker can't kick the ball and you are labeled a choker.

    For more advanced chokers out there you can try picking the ball up and running for the firstdown/touchdown, but make sure you're tackled short or you might be labeled a hero. 

Not Blocking, by Eugene Amano

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    Excerpt: I consider myself an expert at not blocking. Being on the same team as one of the best running backs in the NFL, Chris Johnson, makes it really hard to suck it up to much. Even if I just block my guy a little bit CJ can find a hole and take it to the house.

    Fortunately I have come up with a technique to make sure this doesn't happen. I call it the "look-out block." To do this block you simply let the defender run right by you and yell "look out" back to the running back, thus the name.

    For added fun you can forget to yell "look out". It's always more fun when the runner doesn't see it coming.

How to Become the Most Loved Player in the NFL Without Playing, by Tim Tebow

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    Excerpt: Before we start let me tell you about Jesus. He is my lord and savior and thanks to him I have hope for eternal life. Everything I have accomplished is thanks to Jesus and God I would be so lost without them.

    After I am done playing football I hope to help spread God's word as a missionary and help the orphans and poor....now what were we talking about again.

How to Be a Innovator, Genius, and Legend, by Al Davis

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    Just win baby!!!!

How to Tackle, by James Harrison

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    Excerpt: Forget what every coach from pee wee to high school taught you, you don't tackle by hitting your opponent head up, wrap up, and drive down. 

    No the correct way is too dive like a torpedo and hit your opponent helmet to helmet. I swear despite what crooked devil Goodell says, that is how it's done and I will not back down.

    People go on about how dangerous it is, well they can shove it. Football is a hardcore sport where defenseless players will be brutalized in life-threatening ways. That is just how the game is played.

    Besides it's smart—let's see Adrian Peterson fight for extra yards when he is knocked out cold.

Coaching, by Jim Caldwell

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    Excerpt: Uhhh....well you need discipline and hard work, maybe. Everybody must buy into the system and...execute.

    Oh why even try?! Peyton come back I need you!!!