After Madonna: Roger Goodell's Next Super Bowl Halftime Show Performers
There will be Peas. They will be Black-eyed.
Like any Super Bowl halftime performer, many people have many opinions about Madonna being chosen. I think it makes perfect sense, if you look at the past performances since Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction. Since that year, which predates Goodell's time as commissioner by a season or two, we've seen the likes of Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty, Prince, Bruce Springsteen, The Who and The Black Eyed Peas (with Usher and Slash).
Madonna fits right into that category of famous, established, global and safe for an older and less hip audience of a few hundred million. Really the only outlier in that group is The Black Eye Peas, but you have to assume either Goodell has a thing for Fergie or one of the Peas has pictures of something he shouldn't.
Looking at the Kickoff Weekend performers over the last few years, there is a lot more insight into the music side of the NFL's brain. Lot's of popular groups, lots of country and just enough old superstars to keep the older and less hip audience around.
With that, we've compiled a list of future Super Bowl halftime performers, from the mind of Roger Goodell.
1. Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber (with Usher and Special Guests)
Taylor Swift with Usher (left) and Biebs (hat)
Taylor Swift is the biggest star in about six different music genres right now. Justin Bieber is the biggest star on the planet. They're both completely safe and sanitized, and there's a 100 percent chance Usher would end up on stage at some point and a 83.7 percent chance that Kanye West would show up as well.
2. Jay-Z and Beyonce
New York Super Bowl? This is too obvious.
A Super Bowl in New York (or New York Adjacent) has to have a performer from New York. There is nobody bigger than Jay-Z and it would be a great concert if he showed up with his Beyonce in tow, who's no slouch herself.
Book this now. I can't see any other option for a New York Super Bowl, unless Jay-Z hosts the event and brings in dozens of other New York performers, which would be awesome.
3. Lady Antebellum
Lady Antebellum has already cracked into the NFL rotation
I don't know if Lady Antebellum is big enough just yet to perform at halftime of the Super Bowl just yet, but they are getting there. Maybe they can do a national anthem before they'd get halftime. Still, the NFL seems to love country and they are about as country as it gets right now.
4. The Black Eyed Peas
Peas Peas and More Peas Please
I'm convinced this band will somehow be involved in the next collective bargaining agreement.
5. James Taylor
An acoustic halftime show? Perhaps.
Clearly not the sexiest pick, but James Taylor would fall in line of recent SB halftime logic. Plus, how great would it be to see an entire football stadium hushed while listening to one guy playing a guitar for 20 minutes.
Mock - YEAH. Ing - YEAH. Bird - YEAH. Yeah - YEAH.
6. Lady Gaga
Hey, a football is shaped like an egg.
Why not, honestly? Lady Gaga is huge (and from New York if Jay-Z says no.) She'd certainly be entertaining and she'd certainly bring a different audience to the halftime show than the NFL is used to.
The NFL does care about ratings, right?
7. The Cast of Glee
Fox! Synergy! Exclamation Points!
This is going to happen. Seven seasons, a movie, a live tour and performing at halftime of the Super Bowl.
It's Glee's destiny...only on FOX!
Here's lookin' at you, Red.
Rihanna makes a lot of sense. She's done major events before, including NFL kickoff events and huge NBA events. She's a big crossover star, easy on the eyes and can bring a host of other performers with her.
In fact, she could easily be part of Jay-Z's New York Super Bowl Cavalcade of Stars.
9. Eric Clapton
He probably wouldn't play Cocaine. The rest is fine.
I'm actually surprised Eric Clapton hasn't already done the Super Bowl. He's clearly in the same category as all the other old rockers who have done halftime. Maybe he turned it down? I probably should have looked that up.
Let's just hope—if he does ever do it—he doesn't do the long version of Layla. That goes to a really weird place I don't think the NFL ever wants to go.
10. Pearl Jam
Hear my name...take a good look.
Admit it: I'm not the only one who wants to see a cutaway of Roger Goodell mouthing the words to "Porch."
Pearl Jam clearly has the cache and the set list to pull off maybe the greatest halftime show ever. Unless they perform "Spin The Black Circle." That song is and always was terrible.
11. Bon Jovi
"...it's now or never..."
How has this not happened yet? Bon Jovi is the only band left standing from an entire decade of glam bands and, somehow, they managed to become one of the biggest and most respected acts around the world.
Tie in Jon Bon Jovi's obvious connections to the NFL, ownership and football in general, and it's a surprise this hasn't happened yet. Unless...he is from the Garden State and the New York Super Bowl is being played someone in the swamps of Jersey. Maybe Bon Jovi trumps Jay-Z in a few years.
12. The Black Eyed Peas
Must. Include. More. Peas.
You knew it had to end this way. The world will probably end this way.