Does anyone besides me make the huge mistake of turning on ESPN while an actual sporting event is not being broadcast? Not that stuff the network pretends is a sport, like poker or competitive eating, but a sport where a participant actually breaks a sweat from physical activity while not sitting on their fat rear ends?
Turning on the boob tube one day, I saw ESPN oozing out a gabfest called "First Take." The show sprinkles a few active and retired athletes around three women who are the main characters of this pretend talk show.
The most dramatic of the three is named Skip Bayless. Bayless, who probably couldn't tell you who George Halas was even though he was born ahead of Papa Bear, has the memory of a fruit fly and thinks that everything at this moment is the 'greatest of all-time.' Bayless is known throughout ESPN as the former sports journalist who tries to get attention by besmirching athletes like Lebron James.
ESPN has been in mourning since Brett Favre retired finally a few months ago. Missing scrolling his name in huge letters constantly across the viewers screen, they still mention him several times a day even if Favre is no longer part of the sports landscape and was last seen being accused of molesting women younger than his own children.
They knew they had a replacement lined up. A guy who, compared to Favre, is akin to being near beer versus real beer. Yet, like Favre, his concocted image far outweighs his actual abilities or talents. In others words : all hype and no substance. Just like EPSN itself.
Bayless and his fellow paparazzi have spent the 2011 NFL season drooling to Tim Tebow's picturesque image. Tebow, who is a third-string quarterback who even has a former first-round draft pick bust named Brady Quinn ahead of him on the depth chart, has become a polarizing figure thanks to the constant attention he receives from stalkers who pose as sports media members.
Tebow is not even close to being an NFL quarterback in most experts eyes, but do not tell that to Bayless. The talking head spends every possible moment he can calling Tebow the best player the Denver Broncos have, because Bayless is a typical NFL puppet who believes the game revolves around the universe of this one position on the gridiron.
Ever since ESPN took over the Monday Night Football duties, they have tried to rival the NFL's own network in soft coverage they try to pawn off as news to viewers, carefully trying not to rattle the monster entity. They earned this by constant on-air fellatio on the likes of Favre and other questionable characters with personal lives just as shady as the Favre's is.
A few weeks ago, Denver was losing a game on Monday Night Football. Broncos starting quarterback Kyle Orton played admirably, despite having terrible blocking and a shoddy rushing attack that produced a paltry 25 yards from his running backs against one of the worst run defenses in the league.
While Orton threw for over 300 yards in a game Denver would lose by a field goal, ESPN spent their times using the cameras to scan the stands for anyone wearing a Tebow jersey or holding a sign professing their love for a player who has yet to do anything worth noting on a professional football field. The same fans who would later throw away $10 grand on a billboard showing support for Tebow instead of doing something for society like feeding homeless children.
Bayless showed the world once again he knows almost nothing about football. Bayless has basically called Orton a loser while proclaiming Tebow to be the next Favre. He continued his tirade even after Orton led Denver to a win after getting help from an effective rushing attack last Sunday.
It doesn't really seem it will matter if Tebow is a career reserve or a future Hall of Famer to ESPN, because the network has found their new deity to stand along Favre on the ESPN pedestal. They will continue to feed their sheep while dropping his and the Favre's name at every turn possible, while viewers are forced to watch people like Bayless drools incessantly at perverse dreams that will never come true.
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