MLB Trade Deadline: Every MLB Team's Non-Player Trade They Need to Make

Anthony LifrieriContributor IJuly 27, 2011

MLB Trade Deadline: Every MLB Team's Non-Player Trade They Need to Make

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    This time of year, it's great to talk about the players about to change teams thanks to the MLB Trade Deadline.

    More trades happen during this time of year than at any other time in any other sport.

    But maybe we should stop and think about other things that should be traded.

    These can include an owner, manager or other aspect of a club realistic or unrealistic.

    Here is a list of a non-player trades every team should make.

Anaheim/California/Los Angeles Angels (of Anaheim): Trade for One City Name

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    Seriously Arte Moreno, pick one city name for your team.

    Since you bought the Angels, they’ve gone from the California to the Anaheim to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. 

    You don’t need two cities in your team name, and you don’t need to change it every five years. 

    Just pick one and settle on it, and don’t use Los Angeles—that’s Dodger territory.

Arizona Diamondbacks: Trade for Humidor Room

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    It became apparent from this year’s Home Run Derby and All-Star Game that Chase Field is a major hitter’s park. 

    In fact, it is the second highest elevated Major League ballpark in the country. 

    Perhaps they need Coors’ Humidor Room to help keep balls in the ballpark? 

    Besides, the prospect of an actual humidor room in a ballpark is just awesome.

Atlanta Braves: Trade for Ted Turner

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    Nothing against current ownership, but when Ted Turner controlled the Braves in the '90s, their payroll seemed to be limitless and so was their ability to win the pennant. 

    Turner was one of the few owners in sports who understood that it takes spending money to win, and that winning puts fans in the seats and on his channel.

    If more owners thought like him, baseball would be a much better product.

Baltimore Orioles: Trade Divisions

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    If you put the Orioles in any other division but the AL East or NL East, they’d be a perpetual playoff team. 

    Unfortunately, they’re stuck fighting a losing battle with the Rays, Red Sox and Yankees on a yearly basis. 

    The Blue Jays are really good too. 

    If you put them in the AL West, playing with the AL West schedule, they’d win 95 games.

Boston Red Sox: Trade the Triangle

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    You know the weird triangle at Fenway between Pesky’s Pole and dead center? 

    It makes absolutely no sense that it’s there, and is by far one of the silliest features of any ballpark. 

    Either move the Pesky Pole back, or move the fences up. 

    Better yet, move the fences up and make one giant Green Monster all across the outfield.

Chicago Cubs: Trade the Billy Goat

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    The Billy Goat is that ancient curse that supposedly keeps the Cubs from winning the World Series. 

    As a Yankee fan, I believe in curses. 

    Maybe by trading the goat, it will allow them to actually win a Pennant or World Series.

    Maybe MLB should just let Mark Cuban buy the Cubs and pour a ton of money into them…

Chicago White Sox: Trade the Black Sox Scandal

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    It’s tough to have your team history be responsible for the almost destruction of Major League Baseball. 

    Take the Black Sox Scandal away, and the White Sox are one of baseball’s proudest and most prestigious franchises.

Cincinnati Reds: Trade for Taller Fences

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    They don’t call it the Great American Launching Pad for nothing. 

    If the fences were taller, or the ballpark was bigger, perhaps it could be a a more pitcher-friendly park.

Cleveland Indians: Trade for the Yankees Payroll

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    This will be a recurring theme in this slideshow, but think about it. 

    If the Indians spent money like the Yankees, CC Sabathia, Cliff Lee and Victor Martinez would still be on the team. 

    That would be a huge boost to a team fighting for the AL Central title.

Colorado Rockies: Trade the Bad Ballpark Rep

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    Ever since the Rockies installed the aforementioned humidor, Coors Field has become a much more neutral ballpark. 

    It’s even allowed pitchers like Ubaldo Jimenez to thrive. 

    Why won’t the rest of baseball fandom catch on?

Detroit Tigers: Trade for a Better Pitching Coach

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    Hey, the Tigers are in first, but can you name me a pitcher on that staff you’d feel comfortable starting not named Justin Verlander? 

    Max Scherzer is an elite talent and so is Rick Porcello. 

    Someone should do something about unlocking their potential.

Florida Marlins: Trade for Some Paying Fans

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    Well, I don’t blame the good people of Miami for not showing up to Marlins games, because they usually stink. 

    Still, they won a couple of World Series and didn’t exactly draw gangbusters in those years. 

    Maybe it would increase revenue which the owners would put back into a team. 

    Yeah, I couldn't write that with a straight face…

Houston Astros: Trade for the Old Colt .45 Uniforms

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    The Colt .45 uniforms are awesome. 

    They are simply the coolest retired uniform in sports. 

    They can even still be the Astros, just bring the uniform back.

Kansas CIty Royals: Trade Ownership

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    At Wal-Mart and Royals games, ownership focuses on slashing prices and putting the cheapest product on the field as possible. 

    Did you know that Wal-Mart is worth billions, and Royals’ owner David Glass used to own it? 

    Why can’t he put some of that money into his team?

    With such a talented farm system, the Steinbrenners and Henrys of the world would have a never-ending dynasty. 

    With Glass, you just get never-ending trades for prospects.

Los Angeles Dodgers: Trade for Stable Ownership

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    No one knows who will control the Dodgers this time next year. 

    The McCourt divorce has ruined the stability of what was once one of baseball’s proudest and most stable franchises. 

    Now MLB could take over control and Frank McCourt could be forced to sell the team to someone else. 

    Again, another shout out to Mark Cuban, who would fix the Dodgers, lickity-split.

Minnesota Twins: Trade for the Metrodome

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    The Metrodome provided a better advantage to the Twins than Target Field does. 

    Sure, it’s a nice stadium, but who wants to sit in an open-air stadium in Minnesota in March, April, September or October?   

    The Twins ownership should have shown some consideration for their fans and their players.

Milwaukee Brewers: Trade for More Sausages

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    There's no such thing as too much of a good thing.The Sausage Race at Miller Park is epic, so adding more of them to the race can only make it better. 

    It could be like having the Kentucky Derby every night. 

    It may even help Prince Fielder stay with the Brewers after the season.

New York Yankees: Trade Joe Girardi

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    Late-game double steals?  Check. 

    Sticking with starters too long?  Check. 

    Reacting to questionable calls by simply puffing and folding your arms? Check. 

    Allowing your team to be intimidated by opposing pitchers?  Check. 

    Yep, that’s pretty much the laundry list of reasons why Joe Girardi is a terrible manager. 

    If they had a competent field manager, perhaps they could beat the Red Sox.

New York Mets: Trade for the Cardinals Medical Staff

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    Albert Pujols got back from injury weeks before he should have, and Chris Carpenter has dodged a few injury bullets this year too. 

    Meanwhile, the Mets have lost Jose Reyes, Johan Santana and David Wright for significant portions of the season. 

    While the Mets have played above expectations for most of the year, the injuries mounted and they came back down to Earth. 

    If they had the Cards’ staff, they’d still be in the NL East race.

Oakland Athletics: Trade for the Yankees Payroll

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    Could you imagine the magic Billy Beane could work with a Yankee-sized budget? 

    The A’s would be unstoppable. 

    Unfortunately, we live in the real world, where the A’s are cheap and a system that is no longer unique because it has been adapted by other teams.

Philadelphia Phillies: Trade for Some Fans

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    The heat seems to be the only thing that can stop Roy Halladay. 

    By getting some fans, he may be able to stay cooler, and therefore pitch with comfort the rest of the way. 

    Roy deserves it.  The heatwave had some nerve, interrupting his start last week.

Pittsburgh Pirates: Trade for the Will to Spend

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    If the Pirates spend some dough, they’ll have a great shot to win the AL Central. 

    They need to have the guts to pull the trigger on a deal for Carlos Beltran or B.J. Upton. 

    It may cost them money for this and next year, but if they win they’ll make the money back and then some from ticket sales.

St. Louis Cardinals: Trade Albert Pujols' Current Contract

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    If Pujols was still arbitration-eligible, the Red Birds could still control what the Machine makes. 

    They would only have to pay him $20-25 million per year instead of the $28-30 he’ll probably get at the end of the season. 

    Most importantly, it would ensure that Pujols stays in St. Louis, which is obviously where he belongs.

San Diego Padres: Trade for a Smaller Ballpark

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    PETCO is far too big of a ballpark for anyone’s liking. 

    Heck, I can keep the ball in the park it’s so cavernous. 

    The Padres need a smaller field with lower fences so that the good people of San Diego can see some home runs.

San Francisco Giants: Trade for the Tardis

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    If the Giants had a Tardis, they could go back in time and stop Buster Posey from getting hurt. 

    If they had Posey, their chances to repeat would greatly increase. 

    Come to think of it, they could also use it to get Barry Bonds back circa 1996 when he was in his pre-roid prime to really give them a boost.

Seattle Mariners: Trade for the Last 17 Games Back

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    Seventeen games ago, the Mariners were in the thick of the AL West race, and everyone’s favorite dark horse. 

    Over the last couple of weeks, the Mariners managed to lose every single game, causing their record to free-fall. 

    Today, the Mariners are out of it, and the new dark horse is the Pirates.

    If the M’s could re-do the last 16 games, maybe they could have won four or five of them, and would still be in it.   

    That could be wishful thinking.

Tampa Bay Rays: Trade the Trop

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    The Trop is a dump.  Sure, the Ray tank is cool, but the rest of it is atrocious. 

    Why would a baseball stadium be built with a white ceiling? 

    What’s with the weird scaffolds? 

    It’s a wonder nobody shows up to Rays games in Tampa. 

    They need a new state-of-the-art ballpark to lure fans to see a now consistently good team.

Texas Rangers: Trade for the Fountain of Youth

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    If the Rangers could trade for the fountain of youth, they could use it on Nolan Ryan to make him young again. 

    If the Ryan Express was back in his prime, he would obviously be the best pitcher in baseball, and the perfect ace to lead the defending AL Champs back to the World Series.

Toronto Blue Jays: Trade Division

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    The Jays, like the O’s, are stuck in a division where it’s impossible to contend because the Yankees, Red Sox and Rays are so good. 

    The Jays finish around .500 every year, despite a tough schedule that sees a big chunk of it facing the tough AL East teams. 

    If they went to the AL Central, they’d contend for the division title every year because they’d get an easier schedule, and less competition from division rivals.

Washington Nationals: Trade for the DeLorean

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    The Nationals need a time machine for the exact opposite reason the Giants do. 

    They need to go Back to the Future. 

    If they can fast forward to mid-2012, they can have Stephen Strasburg back as well as Bryce Harper. 

    With Strasburg anchoring the rotation, and Harper inserted into a lineup including Ryan Zimmerman, Jayson Werth and possibly B.J. Upton, the Nats should finally have something.