NFL Trade Rumors: 5 Trades That Only Look Good on Paper

In the event that you may be confused about where all the trade rumors are coming from, I'll give you a hint: the NFL is back in business.

I know, I know. I'm still coming to grips with the idea myself. In fact, if the truth must be told, I kind of miss the lockout. I didn't like it at first, but the two of us eventually developed a kind of Stockholm syndrome-type relationship. It was fun while it lasted.

In any case, the immediate future is going to be fair-teeming with rumors about which players might be traded from this team to that team. And because the national football media has been knee-deep in lockout stories for the past four-plus months, you can rest assured that each and every rumor will be blown way out of proportion.

But don't let all of this fool you. There are going to be plenty of trades to go around in the next couple days, and not all of them are going to live up to the hype. They may look sexy on paper, but reality will suggest otherwise.

It is to those trades that this list is dedicated. I give unto you five NFL trades that will only look good on paper!

5. Carson Palmer to ?

We lead this list off with the never-ending and depressing quagmire that is Carson Palmer's vendetta against the Cincinnati Bengals.

First of all, I am well aware of the fact that Bengals owner Mike Brown came out today and insisted that Palmer will not be traded under any circumstances. And he means it, as ESPN's Adam Schefter found out that the Bengals don't even want to talk about the idea with other teams.

But what the heck. Let's say Palmer is traded. What then?

Well, it's going to be a hell of a story; no doubt about that. We are, after all, talking about a big-name player that will have sulked his way out of the only organization he's known during his pro career. Things like that do not go unnoticed.

Once things cool down, though, we'll be left with a trade that will be a little underwhelming. As big as his name is, Palmer just doesn't light up the stat sheet like he used to. And at this point, it's hard to imagine him doing so again.

So in a word: meh.

4. Kyle Orton to ?

Psh. Who needs a grizzled NFL veteran like Kyle Orton when you have a pigskin wunderkind like Tim Tebow?

The Denver Broncos don't. With the starting quarterback job seemingly Tebow's to lose, the word from Mike Klis of The Denver Post is that Orton is officially on the trading block. It won't be long now before Orton is on his way out of the Mile High City.

And he will exit the building with a bargain price tag on his head. Most trade rumors regarding quarterbacks are centered around Philadelphia Eagles backup Kevin Kolb (more on him in a moment), but those same rumors often mention Orton as a Plan B option.

That almost seems like an insult, seeing as how Orton's production as a pro far outweighs Kolb's, but oh well. That's how it crumbles cookie-wise.

So where might Orton be headed? Well, Klis mentions the Tennessee Titans, Arizona Cardinals, Washington Redskins, Cincinnati Bengals and Miami Dolphins as possibilities.

Basically, the end result here will be a middle-of-the-road quarterback heading to a bottom feeder. Kind of a letdown when you think about it.

3. Albert Haynesworth for a Ham Sandwich

Alas, poor Albert Haynesworth. Where be your gibes? Your gambols? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?

But more importantly, where be the skills that earned you a $100 million contract? Were they ever even there?

These are questions that don't have answers. What we do know, however, is that Haynesworth will not be a member of the Washington Redskins when the 2011 season gets underway. In all likelihood, they are going to release him. But before they do that, they'll at least try to trade him.

And from the sound of things, they're not asking for much in return. As one source told Clark Judge of CBS Sports, the Redskins would "give [Haynesworth] away for a ham sandwich" at this point.

Presumably, that source was kidding. Then again, how can we know?

Well, what the heck. If I was Dan Snyder, I might just trade Haynesworth for a ham sandwich if I was hungry enough. After all, even millionaires have to eat.

No matter who or what Haynesworth is traded for, I plan on clamping my hands over my ears and going "la la la la la la la." Frankly, any news regarding Haynesworth just isn't worth my attention, and it's not worth yours either.

2. Donovan McNabb to the Minnesota Vikings

In each of the past two seasons, the Minnesota Vikings placed their faith on an old, over-the-hill quarterback. It worked out pretty well the first time, but the second go-around was not one for the books. Maybe that's why he-who-shall-not-be-named is finally staying retired (fingers crossed).

Lesson learned? Apparently not. The word from Jason La Canfora of the NFL Network is that the Vikings and Washington Redskins have the "parameters of a deal" in place for veteran quarterback Donovan McNabb. All they need to do now is figure out the finances.

For now, the safe thing to do is consider this to be nothing more than a rumor. Even then, we are faced with nothing we haven't already seen before. For whatever reason, McNabb and rumors are quite fond of one another.

This is a complicated partnership, but it exists primarily because McNabb spent much of his career establishing himself as one of the most productive quarterbacks in NFL history. His name draws a lot of water, and it draws a lot of press.

Make no mistake, a lot of ink will be spilled about this trade if and when it is completed. But at the end of the day, what we will have is a rotten team placing its hopes on yet another old, over-the-hill quarterback.

If that's the kind of story we're getting, I'd much rather have it be about Brett Favre.

Crap. I said his name.

1. Kevin Kolb to the Arizona Cardinals

This is it. The trade we all want to see. The mother lode, if you will.

Seemingly from the very second the 2010 season came to a close, the Arizona Cardinals have been kicking the tires on Philadelphia Eagles backup quarterback Kevin Kolb. Star wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald made it public that he would love to play with Kolb, and the organization itself hasn't done a very good job of hiding its interest.

The good news for the Cardinals is that Kolb will probably be theirs sooner or later. They're going to have to give up Domonique Rodgers-Cromatie and a high draft pick, but at least they'll have themselves a capable quarterback.

I say again, a capable quarterback. Not a great quarterback. Heck, we don't even know if Kolb is a good quarterback. All we know is that he has the potential to be a good quarterback.

Think I'm selling Kolb short? Well, you're entitled. But the numbers simply don't support the notion that Kolb is a star waiting to be born. Kolb has been in the league for four years now, and he has thrown a grand total of 11 touchdown passes. Seven of those came in 2010, when Kolb began the year as the starter before getting hurt and being supplanted by Michael Vick.

Worth a trade? Yes.

Worth the fuss? Goodness gracious, no.