He's 33 years old, and the most movement you see out of him is when he's staring at home runs Wrigley Field's wind and baskets provide him.
He has a strut that occasionally turns a double into a single.
He's been pegged as a guy who only starts hitting when his team needs him the least (yes, people, he can hit walk-offs, but hitting two home runs combined in April and May to dig your team an impossible hole and then hitting 15 home runs the next two months is not "clutch" in the least bit).
He is Aramis Ramirez.
A bat that can be huge, but comes on the shoulders of a guy who is on the other side of the hill, can be doggish, seems to drag injuries and has no range at third base.
So why bring him to the Chicago White Sox? Because the White Sox have Brent Morel.
As of now, Morel simply doesn't have it. He's hitting .243 with a .259 OBP, one home run, 16 RBI and 18 runs. His UZR/150 is plus-7.5, which is good enough for seventh in baseball at third base.
Does Morel's glove outweigh the bat of Ramirez?
Ramirez is hitting .300 with a .373 OBP, 17 home runs, 58 RBI and 46 runs. His UZR/150 is plus-1.7, good enough for ninth in baseball at third base in over 200 more innings at the hot corner than Morel.
Ramirez has a $16-million option for 2012, and if the Cubs keep him the entire season and don't pick it up, they have to pay $2 million for a buyout. If he's traded, they are free.
The Cubs need to rebuild, and the White Sox could perhaps use a rental third baseman.
First and foremost, the White Sox have to decide whether they are buyers or sellers, which is largely dependent on Adam Dunn and Alex Rios showing up in the next few days.
So far, the White Sox have won three-out-of-four since the All-Star break and are four-and-a-half games behind the Cleveland Indians, who just put Grady Sizemore on the disabled list. The White Sox have a 4-1 record against the Indians (the only AL Central team against whom they own a winning record).
The AL Central is completely up for grabs, thanks in large part to the White Sox stars not showing up this season.
It's a winnable division, but is it a winnable World Series for a team like the White Sox?
Before the season, everything was winnable for the White Sox. But with 2011 versions of Dunn, Rios, John Danks, Jake Peavy and Edwin Jackson—and with the long overdue fall of Phil Humber seemingly coming in the near future—the White Sox would have no chance in the playoffs.
Should the Chicago White Sox go after Aramis Ramirez?
Are a couple youngsters for Ramirez worth the possibility of winning a division only to be demoralized in the playoffs, with not even making the playoffs in a terrible division being completely viable?
The White Sox may have learned their lesson last year with the Ramirez of the Manny variety.
Manny only cost the White Sox some money. Aramis would cost the White Sox players.
There is always the argument that all you need to do is get to the playoffs. From there, anything is possible. That may be true for the National League, but not the American League.
You aren't going to fake your way by the Boston Red Sox, New York Yankees or Texas Rangers the way the 2006 St. Louis Cardinals, the 2007 Colorado Rockies or the offense-less 2010 San Francisco Giants were able to do in the NL.
Once you get to the World Series, anything can happen. But unless you're in the NL, where far more parity exists, you aren't faking your way to a pennant.
Let's say the White Sox do happen to squeak their way by two series to the World Series. What happens when they run into a Philadelphia Phillies team that probably cruised through the NL?
The Cubs are rebuilding and, as of now, the White Sox are trying to squeak into the playoffs, but is getting to the playoffs worth trading a couple of future players?
You don't build a team to get to the playoffs. You build a team to win the World Series.
Unfortunately for GM Kenny Williams, he built a team to get to the World Series, but it never showed up.
Does he make a move like getting Ramirez, praying the team he put together squeaks into the playoffs and then shows up?
It's that type of decisions that make him the big bucks.
With deadline moves for Ken Griffey, Jr., Manny Ramirez, Edwin Jackson, Jake Peavy and Alex Rios getting the White Sox just one playoff victory since 2005, Williams' itchy trigger finger may not quite be earning those big bucks.