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5 Places J.D. Drew Should Be Besides the Boston Red Sox

Robert YeeCorrespondent IIJune 12, 2011

5 Places J.D. Drew Should Be Besides the Boston Red Sox

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    BOSTON - JULY 15:  J.D. Drew #7 of the Boston Red Sox rounds the bases after his solo home run in the fourth inning against the Texas Rangers on July 15, 2010 at Fenway Park in Boston, Massachusetts.  (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
    Elsa/Getty Images

    J.D. Drew, the starting right fielder for the Boston Red Sox, is making $14 million this season.

    There are plenty of ways to break down this salary:

    Drew's earning $3.5 million for each of his four home runs.

    He's cashing in $875,000 per RBI. (Adrian Gonzalez, the league leader in RBIs, is making $105,000 per RBI.) T

    The supposed five-tool player is earning infinity dollars per stolen base ($14 million / 0 stolen bases = error).

    No matter how you break it down, Drew is overpaid.

    It's a fantasy of mine that, somehow, another team will be stupid enough to take Drew off of the Red Sox payroll.

    I know it won't happen, but—hey look, he just struck out again—my dreams, it does, and here's where he goes.

The New York Yankees

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    NEW YORK, NY - JUNE 10: Nick Swisher #33 of the New York Yankees watches his RBI sacrifice fly in the bottom of the first inning against the Cleveland Indians on June 10, 2011 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City. (Photo by Christopher
    Christopher Pasatieri/Getty Images

    Believe it or not, J.D. Drew might actually be an upgrade for the New York Yankees in right field.

    Nick Swisher is hitting just .221 with five home runs and is making $9.1 million per year.

    One could argue that his contract is almost as indefensible as Drew's.

    Of course, the real reason I dream about Drew going to the Yankees isn't so that they'd improve, but rather that Drew would continue doing exactly what he's doing.

    Hey look at that, he just struck out, again! (I'm not making this up.)

The Houston Astros

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    NEW YORK, NY - MAY 13:  J.D. Drew #7 of the Boston Red Sox cannot catch a foul ball hit  by Curtis Granderson #14 of the New York Yankees during their game on May 13, 2011 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    There's no way the Houston Astros would ever take J.D. Drew's contract. But it's my dream, so it's okay.

    By the numbers, the Astros are the worst team in baseball. Maybe without the pressure of playing in a big market, Drew could put up some stats, double-digit home runs even! (I know, it's a stretch.)

    You'll never believe this—J.D. Drew just struck out, again, again, again.

The Garbage

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    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/Dumpster-non.JPG
    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/Dumpster-non.JPG

    This one's pretty self-explanatory.

The Yomiuri Giants

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    A few years back, Philadelphia's Brett Myers pulled off this excellent prank on fellow pitcher Kyle Kendrick.

    Myers fooled Kendrick into thinking he'd been traded to the Yomiuri Giants for Kobayashi Iwamura.

    Maybe the Boston Red Sox could pull off a prank like this. The joke would be on the Giants, though.

    "Hey, listen, we've got a five-tool right fielder for you guys. What's his name? Oh, it's... David Jonathan Drew. Never heard of him? Great, let's make a deal."

    If only.

Free Agency

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    Probably striking out
    Probably striking outElsa/Getty Images

    Seriously, there's something wrong with Theo Epstein if he re-signs J.D. Drew this winter.

    Drew's been the biggest disappointment to wear a Red Sox jersey that I can remember.

    He doesn't hit. He goes on the disabled list with mysterious injuries each year. More than anything, it just doesn't look like he wants to be out there.

    Someday he'll be gone.

    And while his replacement might not be as talented, at least he (probably) won't cost $3.5 million per home run.

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