5 Places J.D. Drew Should Be Besides the Boston Red Sox

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J.D. Drew, the starting right fielder for the Boston Red Sox, is making $14 million this season.

There are plenty of ways to break down this salary:

Drew's earning $3.5 million for each of his four home runs.

He's cashing in $875,000 per RBI. (Adrian Gonzalez, the league leader in RBIs, is making $105,000 per RBI.) T

The supposed five-tool player is earning infinity dollars per stolen base ($14 million / 0 stolen bases = error).

No matter how you break it down, Drew is overpaid.

It's a fantasy of mine that, somehow, another team will be stupid enough to take Drew off of the Red Sox payroll.

I know it won't happen, but—hey look, he just struck out again—my dreams, it does, and here's where he goes.

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The New York Yankees

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Believe it or not, J.D. Drew might actually be an upgrade for the New York Yankees in right field.

Nick Swisher is hitting just .221 with five home runs and is making $9.1 million per year.

One could argue that his contract is almost as indefensible as Drew's.

Of course, the real reason I dream about Drew going to the Yankees isn't so that they'd improve, but rather that Drew would continue doing exactly what he's doing.

Hey look at that, he just struck out, again! (I'm not making this up.)

The Houston Astros

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There's no way the Houston Astros would ever take J.D. Drew's contract. But it's my dream, so it's okay.

By the numbers, the Astros are the worst team in baseball. Maybe without the pressure of playing in a big market, Drew could put up some stats, double-digit home runs even! (I know, it's a stretch.)

You'll never believe this—J.D. Drew just struck out, again, again, again.

The Garbage

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This one's pretty self-explanatory.

The Yomiuri Giants

A few years back, Philadelphia's Brett Myers pulled off this excellent prank on fellow pitcher Kyle Kendrick.

Myers fooled Kendrick into thinking he'd been traded to the Yomiuri Giants for Kobayashi Iwamura.

Maybe the Boston Red Sox could pull off a prank like this. The joke would be on the Giants, though.

"Hey, listen, we've got a five-tool right fielder for you guys. What's his name? Oh, it's... David Jonathan Drew. Never heard of him? Great, let's make a deal."

If only.

Free Agency

Probably striking out
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Seriously, there's something wrong with Theo Epstein if he re-signs J.D. Drew this winter.

Drew's been the biggest disappointment to wear a Red Sox jersey that I can remember.

He doesn't hit. He goes on the disabled list with mysterious injuries each year. More than anything, it just doesn't look like he wants to be out there.

Someday he'll be gone.

And while his replacement might not be as talented, at least he (probably) won't cost $3.5 million per home run.