The World Super Bowl: How Can The Rays and Phillies Increase Their Ratings?

Peter TumbasCorrespondent IOctober 22, 2008

This is going to be a really entertaining World Super Bowl. The only thing that would make it better is if Spike was broadcasting and Joe Rogan was doing the play by play. Something along the lines of, "And Price is trying to pass Howard's guard again. I hate Carlos Mencia."

We've got small market teams built from scratch and maybe the occasional trade at the deadline thrown in like a dangerous hookup with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Maybe she has an STD maybe she doesn't but I still want to zoom to find out. Yeah that's a convoluted metaphor for Tampa acquiring Matt Garza.

Both teams are on the brink of their 15 minutes. Two things will occur. If Tampa wins they'll be the Marlins 2003 Version 2.0. Of course those of you who read my previous article "Why the NLCS Hates Me" understand why it pains me to even make that comparison. If they win it will be bad for baseball because the blowhards on HORN will determine that the little guy can compete against the Yankees and the Red Sox. False. Injuries prevented the Yankees from being a threat to the Rays in their own division. Jason Bay is a nice guy, probably does a lot of community service, but is a second class citizen in Canada for bailing on hockey and certainly isn't Man Ram. Beckett's soul patch also injured itself and cost the Red Sox a game in the series. On and on. Point being, dream season for the Rays win or lose the Series. They are in the same boat as the 2003 Marlins. Enjoy the ride its over as soon as free agency hits. You can't resign the talent you have until a salary cap is installed.

But what if Philadelphia wins? Remember when the White Sox won it in 1995? Wait they did? Who cares. Sports Illustrated didn't even bother advertising their magazine subscription featuring the White Sox scrap book as a bonus gift. Same thing happens if Philly wins. You can't boo Santa Claus and expect anyone to care for the hopes and dreams of your city. On the other hand, its not the Phillies fault all their fans are dirt bags, regardless of sport. Its not the Phillies fault the media desired a Boston versus Chicago final and your team was simply fodder in the way of Big Lou's Train. I would have been more furious if the Red Sox had beaten the Rays because than the universe would be missing out on Manny vs. the Red Sox. One argument after another and the general theme seems to be I don't really care that the Phillies are in the World Series. As a Pittsburgh native, I hope their draught of major sports championships continue but if they do win who cares? Who will be watching? Who will even be reading the next day?

If we spice up the World Series to ensure its as exciting as the final two innings of Game 7 of the ALCS, viewers will come and this series will be relevant. Fox hopes so, but Jamie Moyer is still wearing stirrups from '76 so we'll have to throw conventional thinking out of the door. What about...

Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are household names because they filmed and released something every animal does.

Could a sex tape possibly be what this series needs to generate momentum to boost ratings?

Broad St. Babes Volume 3

Rayhawk Does Tampa DP

All of a sudden, Rays and Phillies players are getting TV deals. Perez Hilton is concerned with the girth of Ryan Howard's ass not his strike out totals. Nine equals 8 is the new "That's Hot." Maybe the media circus surrounding a tape distracts everyone so much that Elijah Dukes good name is cleared. 

Hustler didn't make a Sarah Palin inspired porn until last weekend so I don't think you can expect video from either team anytime soon. Probably because they are busy answering the following question:

If a team wins the World Series but no one watches, does that team really win the World Series?