With the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) between league owners and the NFL players association still in discussion, one can only hope for a miracle. Personally, as a young NFL fan, I never really thought I'd see the day where the NFL would cut the cord on one entire football season.
It's honestly as sad as the day Seinfeld went off the air for me.
For others, they have lost their usual excuse to combat a littany of household chores and tasks, which would be parked on the couch watching their favorite NFL teams every Sunday. Think about it, MEN will actually have to help their female counterparts on Sundays!
And you can forget about your wife's guacamole dip too Charlie.
I will let those of you gentleman who fear of moving a muscle on football day in on a little secret of mine...when you see any kind of situation coming your way that you don't want to be involved with, fake a phone call. Simply pull out your phone, pretend it's ringing, pick it up and start making a scene.
"Oh my gosh Harry are you alright? Don't move Harold I got just the thing for superglue!"
I've done it in real life, I've done it on stage. It's both funny, effective and borderline genius.
For those who are against an 18 game season, I'm with you. 16 is such an even number. It goes well with the word "sweet" in front of it, it divides the season into four distinct mini-seasons if you will, and it's symbolic of what the NFL is: Every game is just as important as the next.
Who cares about the number 18 unless you're the Olsen twins?
It's not like in baseball (and I love baseball) where you lose to the Brewers 4-3 on a Wednesday night and you get to tell yourself "Well we play them twenty-one more times this season, we'll let this one slide. Hey, it wasn't lose lose, everyone still got free Gatorade and sunflower seeds didn't they?"
No! Not in the NFL.
In the "League" you get the Raiders twice a year. Once in the black hole, and once at home even though the sea of black and silver around you doesn't make it seem like you're even at home (at least in San Diego). Chargers undefeated in 2011, get it?
As for right now, we've got a draft to look forward to! For starters, with the amount of defensive lineman set to go first round the odds for a "fat boy touchdown dance" have gone from a 50 to 1 chance, to a 15 to 1 chance. How do you like them apples?
As for my boy Cam Newton, I hope we get a chance to talk again about my 2-QB shotgun formation. As for the public, the Broncos never called me back. But, that doesn't mean they didn't get my voice-mail about taking Cam second overall and throwing him alongside Tim Tebow in a revolutionary shotgun formation called the "Duo" that makes the Wildcat look like the third place winner at a Senior prom. It's going to happen my friend, and in due time, a new innovative coach with some actual kahunas (like McDaniel's was Denver you idiots) is going to take a chance on Cam and Tebow in the same shotgun.
If it doesn't happen in the near future, I'll marry a 6'6 woman from a foreign country so that I can breed a set of half Adam Sandler (me) and half Serena Williams (her) twins to create the phenomena myself! That is almost a promise.
So sit back, cross your fingers, and just in case, have your cell phones ready because the year of 2011 for football fans right now is about as scary as walking in on my dad working out in his underwear.
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