NFL Fans Should Celebrate a Potential Lockout of 2011 Season

WesAnalyst IMarch 1, 2011

Look at the people who dressed up as empty seats to watch this clown.
Look at the people who dressed up as empty seats to watch this clown.Matt Sullivan/Getty Images

As the NFL desperately tries to avoid a lockout next season, fans are in complete panic mode thinking about what they will do without their weekend fix.

Get a grip people.

Maybe I'm too cynical. Or perhaps I'm too knowledgeable.

Take a step back, breathe deep, and think about the putrid pathetic product delivered by the NFL on a weekly basis.

The league gives you unwatchable games like Cleveland versus Tampa Bay every Sunday far more often than can't-miss matchups like Pittsburgh versus Baltimore.

I can hear Tampa and Cleveland fans crying right now, "It was such a great game last year and it was only decided by three points."


A close game does not equate to a great game.

If I want a close game, I can park my backside on the bleachers and watch a pee-wee football game, sweating out a barn-burner as little Timmy dives into the endzone with clock reading triple zero.

It's an absolute disgrace to watch teams like Cincinnati, Buffalo, Jacksonville, Miami, Oakland, Seattle, and about 10 other teams on my TV.

I won't allow shows like The Hills or people like Oprah Winfrey to infest my eyes, so I'm certainly not going to let teams like Houston, or players similar to John Skeletor or whatever his name is, to do the same thing.

Neither should you.

Are you honestly going to miss all of those embarrassing games? Even if your team is playing against the slop of the league, can you honestly stomach it?

I don't understand how people sit on a couch, at a bar or the stadium and watch stiffs like Skittles play.

In a league predicated on offense, the quarterback, who is the biggest star on the field, sucks more often than not.

Matt Moore, Jake Delhomme, Matt Hasselbeck, Kerry Collins and others trot their sorry posterior rumps onto the field and stink up the joint.

And I'm supposed to miss that?

Is it wildly entertaining to catch the doubleheader on CBS, and witness Mark Sanchez do everything possible to screw up a game against whatever garbage Miami pushes out there, only to have it followed up with Carson Palmer slinging picks all over God's green earth while while David Garrard makes it a disgrace to have Pro Bowl attached to his name?

I'll pass, and so should you.

And just when you thought stiffs like Jimmy Clausen and Alex Smith are close to playing their way out of the NFL, rookies like Blaine Gabbert and Jake Locker are waiting in the wings, dying to play even worse.

Fortunately for the NFL, the players are so mediocre and spread out amongst so many teams, we are blessed with parity, which is defined as "a lack of anyone or anything being good enough so everyone sort of wallows around in the cesspool of averageness."

I can't wait until next year when a random team opens up the season 1-5 and the announcers tell you they still have a shot to make the playoffs. There's nothing quite like being lied to every Sunday by some ex-player desperately trying to keep you glued to an awful matchup between Dallas and Minnesota.

But maybe you are like me, and can see the NFL what it's really worth.

To compensate for shockingly bad football, you decide to make things interesting by playing a little fantasy football.

The idea sounds great in your noggin, but doesn't work out so well when your star running back goes down in week one and you didn't have the foresight to add a backup you never knew existed.

Yes, I'm sure you are the lone exception and you know every player out there.

Too bad this knowledge is only attainable by tuning into incredibly painful shows like ESPN's Sponsor name Sunday Countdown Primetime Sponsor name Matchup. Or you cough up a few extra bucks and subscribe to a random fantasy website to catch the latest breaking news about a player's groin.

It's a total crapshoot, and you know it. Just ask  the guy in your fantasy league that landed Peyton Hillis or Michael Vick en route to a fantasy land championship.

Speaking of rolling the dice, people will actually miss the NFL because of the gambling angle.

Somehow, some way, people get roped into believing they can actually pick the outcomes of games based on the point spread.

How many knuckleheads laid points with New England on the road against Cleveland, only to get steamrolled? No one knew Cleveland was going to win that game. And if they say they did, they're a worse liar than gambler.

I know I won't miss the unbearable matchups, terrible players who pollute the league, and the gambling.

Will I miss the Eagles, who are my favorite team? Or will you miss your favorite team?

I'm sure there will be an occasional Sunday when you miss whatever team it is you support. But if you want to be honest with yourself, the team you so proudly stand behind partakes in its fair share of miserable games, pays some of the most overrated players in sports, and breaks your heart when it comes to any financial interests you have on the side.

Go ahead NFL, lock yourself. It's the best thing you could do for the fans.


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