I once had a girlfriend—that's right—who couldn't wrap her head around my obsession with football.
Every Sunday morning it was the same thing.
To which I'd reply: "Yes, every Sunday. And unless you're on fire, don't bother me today. Oh, and tomorrow too between 5 and 8. Also, drinking this early is acceptable today."
But what's worse, it wasn't just her.
My parents stared at me funny, I assumed because of it, and friends thought I was crazy for being so upset that the Patriots lost Super Bowl XLII, and again when my Cowboys were destroyed by the Vikings in the 2009 playoffs.
They posit: Why don't you care about something that's important? You know, something that affects your life in a real way. Like politics.
Like politics? That sickens me, and I'll tell you why.
Here are five reasons why football—and sports in general—is superior to politics.
Except in the BCS to a certain extent, but my doctor advised me not to talk about the BCS because it upsets me too much.
Here's the thing about politics (and human beings in general): We're set in our ways. And the older we get, the more the cement dries around our feet. And when that happens, we're left to argue with each other over our unmoving positions.
But in sports your opinion only goes so far; in time it'll either be validated or disproved. Think this years NBA Finals will be between the Celtics and Lakers?
Ultimately, everything is settled on the field, court, rink, etc. And that's why sports are awesome; everything is earned. As with math, there's a definitive answer.
Well at least most the time anyway.
We can always argue who the better QB is, or who's the best running back of all time. But even then, there are statistics to support our arguments. Peyton Manning has thrown for more yards in his career than Tom Brady, and Brady has won more Super Bowls—that's a fact.
As I said—a definitive answer.
Sports is the closest one can get to being in a gang without actually being in one.
We wear our teams colors, claim them in public, physically and verbally fight over their honor, shoot guns in the air in excitement when they win, and even land in jail at times.
It doesn't matter where I'm at; when I see another Cowboys fan, there's a bond. We have a common desire—seeing our team reach the Super Bowl.
Sports offers a sense of camaraderie on a large scale that is unmatched in other arenas. And, for the most part, we all remain fairly controlled and reasonable throughout.
Politics, on the other hand, offers very little agreement, even amongst those of the same political party. People are demeaned, belittled and, unfortunately, sometimes even killed, as we recently witnessed in Arizona.
Political "fans" take things too far sometimes sadly, which in turn can create high-tensions in society. You certainly won't see a Steelers fan shoot someone up because they lost the Super Bowl—I certainly hope so anyway.
Put it this way: there's a reason that it's widely agreed upon that there's two things in life you just don't talk about—religion and politics.
Good, then we have more time to talk about sports.
In sports, when a team wins the championship, it's only for that year.
Don't care for the Packers? Just wait till next season; there's a good chance they don't repeat, considering most don't.
It's a perfect system.
In essence, politics consists of two political parties—Democrats and Republicans.
That's just two teams to root for, so you have a 50-50 chance of winning. If your team wins, great, if not, sucks for you.
That's because each president's term—or season—lasts four years. How would you feel if a team you didn't care for was the champion for four years after they won the Super Bowl?
Just think of it, having to look at someone you can't stand for four years without any chance for change. Especially someone who's stupid and dumb, and probably smelly too.
I'm looking at you Eli.
There's nothing more exciting than a game-winning drive.
When that last minute comes in a close game, no matter the sport, my heart is racing. What's great, is that no matter how many times you've seen a team in that position, there's still no knowing how the game will end.
Maybe they turn the ball over. Maybe the shot is blocked. Maybe Chris Webber calls a timeout when he has none.
The possibilities are endless!
No so in politics.
Ever watched a house vote in its entirety on TV? Then you, my friend, have accomplished more than I. For those of you actually considering it, I'll save you the suspense.
Whatever political party has more seats in the House or Senate will win.
I know, that's anticlimactic. Probably shouldn't have bothered taking out the chips and dip. Don't let that stop you from chugging that beer though.
Who doesn't love a good rivalry?
It can make an otherwise boring game worth watching, and already great match-ups epic. I know that when the Patriots play the Colts I'm glued to the couch. Same for Celtics-Lakers, Yankees-Red Sox, and any divisional Cowboys game.
What's truly great is that sports rivalries heat-up, cool-down, develop and diminish over time, are renewed and sometimes forgotten.
However, rivalries in politics comes incidentally. Obama and McCain didn't like one another because they had no choice. They're simply faces representing their respective parties, both of which don't like each other.
And it's not like we'll ever get to see them going physically head-to-head. I don't recall ever being able to say, "Dude here comes Clinton! And he's got the bat! Man, Dole's in for it now!"
Now, if only politics was like in the movie Idiocracy, then I might be interested.
Break it down, Camacho!