Super Bowl Commercials Report Card: Ranking the Winners and Losers
The Super Bowl offers two things that draw millions of people to their television sets. The game is the highlight of the day, of course, but coming in a close second are the commercials.
This year had its fair share of hilarity as well as duds. Here are the commercials that kept you glued to your seats all game.
It would not be a sports article without a power ranking touch. Which spot warranted the coveted No. 1? Click ahead to find out the true winner of Super Bowl XLV.
51. Xperia Play: Thumbs
Thank you, Xperia. I can now look forward to a bevy of nightmares for the upcoming week. I don't need to see grafted thumbs in my commercial.
Not only do I not want an Xperia, I want to know whose thumbs those are.
50. Salesforce.com: Chatter
It is safe to say that the worst of the commercials were delivered at the half. That goes for Salesforce.com's yawn fest. There is no audio on the posted clip.
But trust me, you aren't missing a thing. This commercial almost made me forget to watch the remainder of the Super Bowl.
49. Hyundai: Spirit Animal
I found this commercial so boring that I almost yawned. Good thing that I passed out from lack of excitement beforehand.
48. Groupon.com: Tibet
I was excited to see that the good people at Groupon had a Super Bowl spot. I was expecting a very creative ad.
It turns out they made like their business model and saved a whole bunch of money. This could have been so much better. I understand that you want to keep costs down, but Timothy Hutton? Was Carl from Family Matters taken?
47. Chevy Volt: Discovery
I understand what Chevy was getting at. I know this is a huge moment in the company's history. But the commercial fell flat for me.
It didn't wow me like it was intended to do. In fact, it completely countered the revelation of a new line of eco-friendly cars. The cutting-edge technology managed to look drab in this one.
46. BMW: New X3
Please do not stray from the formula, advertisers. Do what you want in a commercial. Just make it funny.
45. Chevy Cruze: Facebook Status
Have we become that self-involved that we must know what our friends might be saying about us even while we drive?
Maybe we would be better liked if we just concentrated on not crashing our new Chevy Cruze.
44. Cars.com: Talking Cars
Someone should notify Cars.com that talking cars have been done before, ad nauseam. This would have been a dynamite commercial five years ago.
43. GoDaddy.com: Possibly Nude
GoDaddy.com promises the possibility of nudity in this ad. As if there isn't already a plethora of that on the Web already. But instead of the possibility, there is a bevy of surefire naked women everywhere.
42. Chevy: Tommy in Trouble
The only thing this commercial did was keep me from having kids anytime soon. I don't want a Chevy. I want to stay clear from that kid Tommy.
41. Mini: Cram It in the Boot
This could have been so much funnier.
I know where they were headed with the whole "cram it in the boot" mantra. But instead of edgy, it came across as flat. That equals lame in my book.
40. Audi: Breakout
A lengthy story filled with high jinks. Make sure if you breakout of a ritzy mansion you opt for the Audi and not that "other" car.
39. GoDaddy.com: Joan Rivers
I hardly believe those that flock to the Internet to ogle hot women hardly think of GoDaddy.com first. But if they do, they will be treated by a brand new Joan Rivers.
Something tells me those are fake.
38. Chevy: Two Dudes Talking
Here we have two men waxing imaginative about a Chevy Camaro and the exploits of the car. I think that if the only limits were their imagination, they could have come up with something better.
37. Bud Light: Product Placement
A commercial touting a product by basing the premise on product placement. I would be annoyed if I weren't already confused.
36. Verizon: iPhone Commercial
This ad works simply for the fact that AT&T has horrible service. Now all Verizon has to do is make a 30-second commercial boasting the iPhone on Verizon and millions of people are forced to smile.
35. Motorola: New Xoom Tablet
All through the beginning of the commercial, I exclaimed at how beautiful the iPad was. Then I realized I was looking at a completely different tablet. A job well done, Motorola.
34. BMW: Changes
There is nothing earth-shattering here. It was a nicely done commercial. I don't think I will be going diesel anytime soon, though.
33. E-Trade: Talking Baby
The country has not been this split over a subject since the Civil War. I am of the mind that all of these talking baby commercials are far from funny. In fact, they are creepy and a tad bit scary.
Infants that speak remind me too much of Gage in Pet Cemetery.
32. Bud Light: Hack Job
The first commercial of the Super Bowl fell flat for me. I wanted a big payoff; instead I was granted a fairly obvious joke.
Bud Light is always a star on this day. They have to do better than this.
31. Brisk Tea: Eminem
Brisk gets a little street cred in this spot. I already thought it was delicious. I didn't need the hip-hop treatment, but it was welcomed.
30. Kia: One Epic Ride
What a novel idea. A little creativity and imagination. Why can't all commercials be this epic?
29. Chevy: Bumblebee Transformer Spot
This commercial came at the end of the game. I was convinced that the barrage of clever commercials was over.
Then came Bumblebee throwing the denizens of this car lot around—lovely.
28. The Daily: A New Tablet Newspaper
The Daily is a new newspaper designed specifically for tablets. The commercial made me want to run out and buy an iPad.
27. Flowers.com: Faith Hill
Faith Hill may not like it, but dude is just saying what is on every man's mind when they send flowers.
26. Pepsi Max: Nerd Redemption
There is nothing I hate more than a popped collar. This commercial deals a swift and just retribution to those with annoyingly colored shirts.
25. Mercedes Benz: New Line and Puff Daddy Cameo
A ton of great-looking cars and a Puff Daddy (or Diddy-Dirty Money) cameo. There was a lot to like about this ad. Not all commercials need to be sidesplitting, but they need to be interesting.
This one kept my interest the whole way. That is saying a lot, because I lose focus constantly.
24. Bridgestone: Beaver Has Your Back
Beavers are a kind-hearted animal. If you throw them a bone, they will keep you from running head first into a biblical size flood.
23. Budweiser: Tiny Dancer
Right after I saw this commercial, I immediately wished I was drunk at a piano bar. I think it is safe to say their point was successfully delivered.
22. Coca-Cola: Coke-Breathing Dragon
Coca-Cola went the extra mile to make a small little movie in their time slot. I could have easily been convinced to watch a lengthened version.
21. Chrysler: 200
Eminem had a huge day today. So did the automobile industry. Here was a shining example of what instilling confidence in the consumer base can do.
It was a well-accomplished commercial. It must have cost a fortune with the run time as well.
20. Chevy: Old Folks Home
Proving once again that old people can make great comedic fodder, the good people at Chevy bring us to an old-folks home.
A normally boring visit is actually quite pleasant. Thank you for losing your hearing, old people—you are hilarious.
19. Stella Artois: Adrien Brody Croons
I love Stella Artois. So I may be a little biased here. But this is my power rankings and what I say goes. Brody is the man in this romantic take on chugging some beer.
18. Snickers: Richard Lewis Is a Little Whiny
Snickers delivers another genius commercial. They have found a great way to combine their product and a timely cameo from a celebrity.
17. Cars.com: You Go First
I was about to yawn until I saw the cowboy get lit up with arrows. This wasn't a great spot, but it did enough to not make me slam it.
16. Coca-Cola: Two Guards
It seems Coke is not only delicious, it is universally delicious. If you ever find yourself in a feud with your neighbor, just make sure you gift them a Coke.
15. Bud Light: Dogs Serve Up Party
Chimps and monkeys may be unequivocally hilarious, but a close second are dogs serving up a fiesta. Man's best friend learned a few new tricks. Now our lives are complete.
14. Volkswagen: Beetle
Fun, energetic and engaging, I liked this ad immensely. You have to consider that the only thing I hate worse than bugs is Raja Bell and most of the Boston Celtics.
13. CarMax: Kid In a Candy Store
Clever and inventive, this is what every commercial should strive to be.
12. Pepsi Max: Couple at Dinner
Pepsi Max was one of the more prolific sponsors on the day. Thank God. They consistently gave chuckle-worthy ads.
This is exactly what we guys are thinking during dinner.
11. NFL: American Family Montage
The NFL really didn't need to advertise. I mean, we were already sitting there with guacamole-drenched fingers watching the Super Bowl.
But this was a treat for the eyes. I almost forgot about Alf. Hello, childhood.
10. Pepsi Max: Feuding Couple
Dysfunctional homes can be funny as well. I feel for this man in the commercial. I have not had a guilt-free burger in years.
9. Doritos: Doggy
(This one starts at the 30-second mark.)
I saw this commercial coming a mile away. But I have a confession. I am a sucker for slapstick. Call it the kid in me, but the simple comic device always gets me busting.
8. Doritos: I Love Doritos
Gross? Yes. But funny too. Who can't use a whole bunch of weird in their commercials?
I have a hankering for some Doritos now.
7. CarMax.com: Service Station
This was hilarious. I have to say I would have been just as terrified at the convenience of past service stations.
I am too used to being ignored and left to my own devices.
6. Best Buy: Ozzy and Bieber
Anytime Ozzy finds himself lost and befuddled, it is hilarious. There is just something about his wandering that makes me giggle.
The greatest question of 2011 is now: "What is a Bieber?" A Bieber is a phenomena sweeping the nation at a viral speed. Watch out—you may be next.
5. Volkswagen: Tiny Vader
Beware of Tiny Vader—the Force is strong in him. This takes me back to the days when imagination ruled. How I miss 2007.
I think we should all dress up more. I may even bust out my Kermit the Frog Big Wheel I used to rock. I was quite the pimp even at the age of five.
4. Doritos: Ashes
Besides being tasty, Doritos have life-saving qualities as well. Maybe we can sprinkle some on Brett Favre's career.
3. Careerbuilder.com: Chimps Cause Havoc
There is nothing funnier than a gang of chimps. This commercial sold me before the punchline was even delivered.
This is my first piece of evidence in the argument that all would be better if chimps ruled the world.
2. Skechers: Kim Kardashian
This was easily the sexiest commercial I have seen in my life. All I can think of now is that I need a pair of Skechers. Nothing will stop me from getting them.
This must have been mighty awkward. No one warned you that you would be aroused as you grabbed for another handful of chips.
1. Bridgestone: Reply-All E-mail
We have all been there. We send a witty e-mail with a tinge of lurid detail. Then we quickly realize we sent it to the wrong people.
Here is how that scenario would go down if time and speed was no object. Priceless. This was laugh-out-loud hilarious.
With this, it seems the Super Bowl ads had their master. The commercial came in the first quarter, so it was all downhill after this.
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