Al Davis needs to be banned from his own press conferences.
Someone needs to take away the keys; it's all becoming a warped remake from something out of the Wizard of Oz.
There's Al Davis, the Great and Terrible.
There's Al Davis, the older brother of the Crypt Keeper.
There's Al Davis, ranting, raving, firing, hiring and dropping an F-bomb on live television.
Yep, there's good old Al, with a major emphasis on "old."
It's simply surreal how this guy has taken hundreds of thousands of live hostages otherwise known as Raider Nation.
Who the heck is "Lance" Kiffin and who is "Kim" Newton? Davis brought those names up recently, and you'd figure he must have been talking about Lane and Cam.
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They could be characters from a day in the life of Al, but there's been no end to the entertainment factor going on out there at Raider headquarters, and the lead character is the guy with the huge band-aid on his head, the managing general partner, as he's been known over the years.
Society tells us it's not nice to make fun of the elderly, but you can't help it with Davis. Watching him on video is like playing that train wreck over and over. Perhaps it's simply because it's that hard to believe.
If you thought Davis was ornery 20 years ago, he's re-written the book on ornery. By now, he's on the 32nd edition, Ornery Part 700, cut the Cable, brighten the Hue.
Do not touch the controls. He controls the horizontal, he controls the vertical; Al Davis is simply in his own version of the Outer Limits.
30 years ago, he sat in a well-known Tampa restaurant, wearing a ridiculous jumpsuit, something that looked stolen from Elvis Presley. A passerby wanted to shake his hand, and he offered a limp, left-handed wrist. The patron insisted that he shake hands like a man, and Davis begrudgingly offered a normal handshake.
Fast forward to 2011, and if looked bad back then, how's he doing now?
He had hired someone to help him out, but the person lasted only eight months. That's long-term in Davis-speak.
Don't look for Davis to do anything but stay in charge. The only way he's out is when they tote the carcass.
He's the only guy who's 82 and looks 102, but don't worry, he's still large and in charge.
The way things are going, Davis will be in the front office for at least another 20 years.
As one follower of Raider Nation recently put it: "Al Davis is living proof that only the good die young!"