Spring training is still many weeks away, but it is never too soon to begin thinking about the upcoming baseball season. For Phillies fans, the promise of the new quartet of ace starting pitchers and a ballclub full of rested, healthy players breeds excitement.
But before one becomes overwhelmed with anticipation, all fans should sit down and make a practical list of important New Year Resolutions. Here are a few to get you started.
1. Do not grumble every time Ryan Howard strikes out. You should expect this by now.
2. Do not succumb to peer pressure by participating in The Wave. Sit on your hands if you have to. I hereby declare The Wave to be officially silly.
3. Stop tweeting the game play by play. If someone owns a computer and is reading your tweets, you are likely safe in assuming that they also own a TV or a radio for which to see or hear the game.
4. To show the compassion and understanding of all great Phillies fans, offer free hugs to Mets fans. After all, they are human beings too.
5. Unglue yourself from the computer and swear off fantasy baseball. You can in fact have a life.
6. On Dollar Dog Night, limit yourself to a five dog maximum. Take the other $15 dollars you saved and donate it to Phillies Charities. Your stomach will thank you.
7. For the men: Please wear a shirt to ballgames. You are not as sexy as you think.
8. For the women: Has your mother never told you that crack kills? Please wear pants that fit. Some men may disagree, but all the small children and their parents at the game will be eternally grateful.
9. For the parents: Please buy the super-cool foam finger for your kid after the game is over. If all I see during a Chase Utley home run is a red foam finger, I will be forced to sit in front of you and break resolution #8.
10. Do not yell at the umpires for being blind. The Americans With Disabilities Act says that blindness is a handicap and therefore, it is politically incorrect to poke fun at blind people.
I wish you all a safe and happy New Year!