3:52 PM Pacific time. My official mourning period for this football season began. I wish I could say I was surprised. I wish I could say I was outraged. However, on this particular Sunday afternoon as I sit on my couch in my River's jersey, the only emotion I am overcome with is disappointment.
Being a lifetime Chargers fan, this emotion is not new to me. I have witnessed season after season of the Chargers being beaten consistently by one foe. No matter who we draft, who our coach is, or how awesome we play in December, the one thing that holds us back each season is ourselves.
Special teams, contract negotiations, injuries, and rookie mistakes led to our rocky start and our heartbreaking finish.
As a Charger fan I can try and explain all of this away, make excuses. I love my team. I bleed blue and gold and every loss breaks my heart. I heatedly debate with other fans, defend Turner and Rivers until I am blue in the face.
I come from a long line of Charger fans. The Sundays I spent with my grandparents as a little girl, watching the Chargers play meant the world to me. I was destined to love this team.
At the beginning of the season, when we were hitting wall after wall and the Chiefs were 3-0, I had a weird feeling about this season. Where did the Chiefs come off winning? I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone of football. As a Charger fan, I was confused.
Luckily for me, I found solace in the fact that in more recent years I have become a fan of football as well. If you ask my best friend, this means I "do not love the Chargers enough." To me, it means that the heartache of disappointment does not have to sting as much.
We were outplayed. Plain and simple. We were not hungry enough this season and moreover, we just couldn't get it done. Rivers went 18-2 for December games and our 6 year hold on the Raiders was blown to pieces as well.
Yet each loss, I could find positives because I just enjoy watching football. I despise the Raiders yet when we faced them for the second time this season, there defense came to play and as a fan of the game, I could not ignore it.
Being a fan of a team is amazing but being a fan of the game is what keeps my chin up as a Charger's fan. While I am still a little down that my guys are not play-off bound, I can look forward to watching the play-offs and Superbowl with no allegiance, no emotional investments just the enjoyment of seeing the best game in the world being played.