All I Want for Christmas: A Boston Fan's Perspective

Boston sports fans have been spoiled since 2001. 

The turn of the century saw multiple championship trophies hoisted by the Red Sox and Patriots. Beantown fans were also witness to title number 17 from the Celtics, as they graced the Boston streets with parade number six in seven years.  

The phrase “cue the duckboats” just slid off the tongue.  

The Bruins are on deck, but no one—except die hard hockey fans—is complaining.

 True to form for fans from this region, too much is never enough. So what does this Boston fan want (speaking in third person a la Ricky Henderson third person)? 

Here goes: 

For the Sox 

I want a team devoid of common baseball sense and fiscal responsibility to offer up a young catcher and lefty bullpen arm in exchange for enigmatic starting pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka.   

Crazier things have happened—like Seattle giving away Jason Varitek and Derek Lowe in exchange for relief pitcher Heathcliff Slocumb. This trade won’t happen, although the Yankees could use a starting pitcher or two (not like the Sox and Yanks would ever dance together).  

For the Bruins 

This one was tough.  

Claude Julien’s tenure as coach is on thin ice based on the air wave babble. A return to the bench by former player and coach Mike Milbury would provide the leadership this team needs, as he guided the 1989-1990 squad to the Cup. 

It’s unlikely that Milbury will leave his multiple cushy on-air gigs for coaching, but old friend and team president Cam Neely might be able to talk him into it.   

A pure sniper off the wing might be the more attainable piece.

Chances are slim, like Dexter Morgan’s sister Deb, and they’ll probably acquire a nice third-line winger around the trade deadline if last year’s moves serve as an indicator.  

But Christmas is all about begging Santa for stuff you’ll never get. Like when I was 11-years old and got a two-tone brown Good Buddy cruiser-style bike after I specifically asked for a Bob Haro BMX. 

For the Patriots 

I want a pure pass rusher.

This organization boasts talent galore and the staff manages to coach up cast-offs and late-round drafted players into solid contributors (see Mike Vrabel, David Givens, and some Brady fella).  

The one piece that has eluded them is a consistent double-digit-sack pass rusher that invokes Clay Matthews Jr.-esque fear.  They could have drafted Matthews, and Belichick coached his father for a stretch in Cleveland, but traded the pick to Green Bay.  

Santa, can you do that Super Man move where he changed the rotation of the Earth to save Lois Lane and turn back time so the Pats can get this deal done?  

For the Celtics 

I want the fountain of youth. Check that. I’m not asking for Ponce de León’s supposed age-defying fountain. All I’m asking is that we keep Paul, KG, Ray and Shaq right where they are in terms of years (roughly a dozen or so before they’re eligible for their AARP cards).  

This team is a broken hip or two away from a .500 run, but as presently constituted, they’re a fun group to watch.   

As Dave Chappelle once said as Rick James said, “it’s a celebration…enjoy yourselves.”