In Major League Baseball, there are many great and legendary players. However, for every Hank Aaron, there are at least three Dontrelle Willises. We included overpaid players, inept general managers, no-show fans and senile executives.
Neither Dontrelle Willis nor the Montreal Expos made the list, but here are 10 of the biggest jokes in the sport today.
Yes, Derek Jeter was an elite shortstop. Yes, he also has five rings. However, that was 10 years ago.
Wake up, Jeter. You hit .270 with 10 home runs. Congratulations, only 71 qualifying players hit better than you, yet you will be making more than all but one shortstop. When you got a salary of $15 million for each of the next three years, you whined about how the negotiations were handled. Really?
Twenty-nine teams wouldn't take you for a salary of half that. If you can get that much, you should just keep your mouth shut about the negotiations not going just as you would have liked. Everyone's not here to cater to you.
You're a mediocre shortstop at best, and an above-average team leader. If you can make $15 million, you should be happy with that.
The pitching is not the joke here. Lincecum and Wilson are great pitchers, but there is something about them worthy of joking. During the Giants' World Series celebration, Tim Lincecum showed the world plain goofiness.
Starting at 1:40 in the video, Chris Rose and Lincy have this exchange:
Rose: How's that look?
Lincecum: Shiny... (Awkward smile/laugh, silence by both when they realize how awkward this will be).
Rose: (Asks a few questions, Lincecum giving blank, stoned-out-of-his mind stare to ground), (mumbles barely-understandable answer).
Chone Figgins had the 2nd-best batting average on the Mariners last season- .259
The M's had the worst offense in the league last year. Despite having the AL Cy Young Award winner, they lost 101 games. Even with Ichiro Suzuki, with 10 seasons on 200+ hits, they still only scored 513 runs.
Besides Ichiro, Chone Figgins had the best average on the team last season: .259. Imagine Seattle without Ichiro. Yikes. Most little league teams would have a shot at outscoring the M's.
I am not making fun of Roy Halladay's ability here. In fact, I am making fun of everyone else compared to Halladay. This guy dominates like no other. He comes to the Phillies, and is on a three-ace staff.
He's easily the best on the team, not to mention in the whole MLB. He throws a perfect game in May, and then throws a no-hitter in his first playoff appearance that same season. That's right. Just to show how B.A. he is, he doesn't give the other team a hit.
Halladay's so good, it's funny. I live just a few miles from Arvada West High, where Halladay attended school. In his senior year, he allowed two hits in the regular season. Two hits, with a .67 ERA. Both are still state records today.
Roy Halladay's face in the photo says it all: "Do I ever need a coach?"
Anyway, National League hitters better work on their game this winter, or Halladay may move up higher on this list next year.
He has the 26th-largest contract in baseball history. After screwing the Rockies out of $120 million, he is still trying to make a comeback. He has a minor league contract with Arizona, trying to make it to the big leagues.
My message to Hampton: Give it up, Mike. It's been six years since you've had a respectable season. No one cares if you make it to the bigs. Seriously, does the guy have any fans? Have you ever met a guy whose a "lifelong Mike Hampton fan?"
The Florida Marlins play in the largest stadium in baseball—and they have the third-lowest attendance. Have you ever seen the upper deck during a game? It's embarrassing. On any given night, the fans fill about 28 percent of the capacity. I'm pretty sure The Wiggles filled more seats on their last visit to Miami.
Just look at the picture. Can you even tell there's a game going on?
"Hello, Julio Lugo? Yes, 5 years, $90 million sounds good to us."
Every general manager makes his fair share of mistakes. Jim Hendry, however, has made about three times his fair share. Hendry is the master of signing expensive flops. First, he gave Carlos Zambrano over $18 million per year. He was moved to the bullpen for a short period, and he has also brought down the team with his bad attitude.
Hendry then went after Alfonso Soriano to an eight-year, $136 million deal. He has performed more like a beer league softball player since signing that deal, losing his once-elite speed because of calf injuries. In 2010, he stole five bases (he had 41 swipes in his last year with Washington) and hit 24 home runs (he had 46 just four years ago).
Completing the trifecta of expensive duds, Hendry signed hyped outfielder Kosuke Fukudome. He brought in the Japanese import for the 2008 season, but what he didn't know was $14 million only got you a .257 average and 10 homers.
Not to worry, though, Fukudome was only figuring out Major League pitchers. This assesment turned out to be "correct," as Fukudome reached outstanding heights just two years later: a .006 increase in average and three more home runs. Good job, Hendry.
This photo shows Hendry talking to his latest free-agent target. He's saying, "Hello, Julio Lugo? Yes, five-years, $90 million sounds good to us."
It was acceptable when Manny was good. But now, Manny's antics are just embarrassing. I was sitting two rows above the Dodgers dugout the day he took his last plate appearance for LA.
He was announced as a pinch-hitter, and immediately got thrown out for arguing a called strike one. Joe Torre didn't even bother to defend his player, nor did he say a word to Manny as he walked through the dugout.
Torre knew Manny was a joke, and the outfielder wasn't even worth his breath. This is a guy who stuck by all of his players for over 10 years, no matter what, and on that afternoon, he didn't even want to look at Manny.
The next day, he was shipped off to the White Sox. Manny Ramirez will need to learn that no one cares about his selfish actions, at least when he costs $18 million and can only hit 10 home runs a season.
For a summary of Manny's performance in 2010, just look at the picture. In this one, he's definitely in top form.
Bud Selig is older than the Hall-of-Fame itself, and, as expected, is completely out-of-date with the game. He thinks the commissioner should let the game be. Well, I've got news for you, Bud: This isn't the malt shop back in the '50s. Not everyone plays by the rules, and there are actually times when people are out of line.
Despite Barry Bonds' obvious steroid use, the game still has a home run champion (Bonds), and a REAL home run champion (Hank Aaron).
Maybe we could get Selig up from his afternoon nap, out of his bunny slippers and show him there are some problems he needs to address.
The object of Major League Baseball is to win the World Series. Apparently, someone forgot to deliver this message to the Pirates. For whatever reason, Pittsburgh tries to lose as many games as possible. They trade away their budding stars for prospects that will later be traded away.
While most teams' minor leaguers say, "I hope I can be good for my organization once I get to the big leagues," Pirates players in Single-A say to each other, "Gee, I hope I get traded once I make it to AAA." A coach then assures them, "If you work hard, you might be good enough for the big-league club to trade someday. But the bad players actually have to play for the Pirates. Don't be one of them."