Houston, we have a problem.
What happened to our wonderful uniforms? We used to win quite a lot with them. In fact, if you tighten the focus on your lens to cover only a limited amount of time, you will find that, once upon a time, they won every one of them!
Anyway, they were very cool. They worked. Sometimes they were all white. Sometimes they were white with aqua jerseys. This worked very well. Why the present-day white shirts with aqua pants DON'T look as good, I am not sure. It might be the peculiar shade of blue that they use, which I believe I will refer to as "plastigoop blue."
[Back in the seventies, when I was a kid, we had a game where we would heat a hot-plate which had particular designs molded into them [very halloween-ish designs]. We would pour the goop in, and they would become rubbery "thingies." [This was before cable TV.] Getting back to the point, this liquid, I recall, was called plastigoop. That's the color of the Dolphin pants now.]
That is the new uniforms, but, getting back to the old ones, what was it exactly that made the old ones look good? Certainly the aqua jerseys looked very fine. Was it the material on the old jersey that made the blue look okay? I'm not sure, but, if you google pics of Larry Csonka and Bob Griese, you will see pictures of these beautiful Jerseys. They had ONE big white stripe, with TWO little orange stripes INSIDE the white stripe. [This is a real throwback jersey, not the 1980's one which would be the beginning of the cancer which apparently overtook the Moe, Larry and Curly fashion design industry which we have today.]
While I think of it, if you want to see a team design which seems to hold on to their own original color and design and make it work with the current material and player physique, take a look at a Pittsburgh Steeler game [and pray that they are not wearing their throwbacks, but I digress]. Holding on to their original design seems to work for them, BTW.
The Dolphin all white uniforms looked great as well, but I should really talk about the logo. There were several different Dolphin logo variations in the seventies. For some unknown reason, they ALL looked better then the current version. In an independent survey, I asked 100 times which logo looked better, and 100 out of 100 times [I was asking myself] the old dolphin looked better. How did I conduct this experiment? It's very easy, I asked the question: "Real dolphin / cartoon dolphin, real dolphin / cartoon dolphin, which looks better"?
You see where I am going?
In addition, the classic look reminds us of Shula, the undefeated season, the Zonk, Marino [when he was fab]. The cartoon Dolphin reminds us of Cam [ironically, I think the cartoon Dolphin is NAMED Cam] And it reminds us of Nick Saban and Dave Wannstadt, and Jimmy Johnson [when he was NOT fab] uuuhhhhhh-
And could someone please- PULLLEASE- invent a NEW way to write out our team name logo? The wavey script is way to..... feminine. [I want to say another word but that would be politically incorrect.] Please get back to me, and let's start a GO BACK TO THE THROW BACK campaign. This would be very correct.
So I'm just waking up from a time capsule kind of a thing, a Rip Van Winkle of a slumber that had me under since 19 seventy-something, and I really wanted to talk to you about these Dolphin uniforms. [Where's my coffee] I'm not talking about the ungodly orange neon atrocities they wore on Sunday night [they factor in too, but I am talking about the uniforms in general].
Are you feeling me?
I thank you for your time,
Kevin Anthony Ryan