Albert Pujols and Dana White are bald in part because they want to be, but in the end they really have no choice.
At some point, all of those precious hairs would have ended up clogging the drain.
Pujols and White are two of many dudes in sports who decided to be proactive about their male pattern baldness.
Others just keep hanging on to what little they still have on top of their head.
Before we get started, let's lay down some ground rules.
In order to be considered "cool," you don't have to be well-liked. You can even be an idiot.
You just can't be a blustery loudmouth like Dick Vitale or Tony Kornheiser. There has to be a little substance beyond the style.
Ultimately, to qualify you must do something to stand out from your peers, and everyone on this esteemed list fits that bill.
Here's a look at 25 of the coolest bald guys in sports.
You don't have to be liked to be cool, you just have to stand out.
That's exactly what Zidane did in the World Cup Final back in 2006, using his balding head as a battering ram against Italy's Marco Materazzi.
You don't have to play a major sport to be cool.
King makes his living playing in snooker tournaments all over the world.
Just take a look at that incredible focus.
Matt Hasselbeck seems to be a pretty cool guy, and he is clearly a really bald guy.
The best moment of his football career came when he helped the Seahawks make a Super Bowl.
The worst moment came before the start of overtime in a playoff game at Lambeau Field in 2004.
After the Seahawks won the toss, he brashly declared for the world to hear, "We want the ball, and we're gonna score."
He promptly threw an interception that was returned for the game-winning touchdown by Al Harris.
Hasselbeck would be ranked higher if his former NFL quarterbacking brother, Tim, wasn't one of those blustery loudmouths we want to stay away from on this list.
It was basically impossible not to notice the big Swede's shiny bald head.
Sundin spent the majority of his career with the Maple Leafs and is the franchise's all-time leading scorer.
Somehow Brian Cardinal tricked Jerry West into thinking he was good enough to deserve $45 million dollars.
Not bad for a bald guy who brings almost nothing to the table in the NBA.
Oh that's right, he is a deadly three-point shooter.
Brad Childress answers to no one, not even Vikings owner Zygi Wilf.
Sure, his entire team apparently hates him.
Does he care?
Not a chance.
Don't even think about changing that play, Brett.
Wayne Rooney isn't the most popular guy on the pitch, but you gotta love his feisty demeanor.
Needless to say, the heard is thinning.
He finally made the decision to buzz his head.
Van Gundy certainly has an opinion, but at least he usually knows what he is talking about.
He also is one spectacularly balding man.
The longtime NBA coach looks exactly like that annoying guy at the gym who fouls constantly and shoots with two hands.
Ginobili is one of the more entertaining athletes around.
When you're not watching him going to the basket with his left hand, take a look at that growing bald spot on the back of his head.
There was nothing worse than watching Jerry Rice leave the 49ers behind and head to the other side of the Bay to play for the Raiders.
There was also nothing worse than seeing that dreadful braided ensemble, complete with a receding hairline.
Some people just don't know when to let go.
You gotta love a guy who wears a mask as more of a fashion statement than anything else.
Like Jerry Rice, Rip held onto his braids for entirely too long.
It's nice to see he has finally seen the light.
Georges St. Pierre and Carlos Arroyo could have found a home on this top 25 list, but they hide their possible baldness better than Miles Austin.
Despite his close-crop look, Austin is basically bald at this point.
As for his qualifications for this list, he parlayed one good year into a huge contract and briefly dated Kim Kardashian.
Cassell shaved his head years ago, largely because he had almost no hair left.
During his NBA career, he made the most out of his skills to be among the better guards in the league.
And one of the best talkers.
How can you not have love for a dude who looks exactly like E.T.?
There's certainly room for a great surfer dude on this list.
Kelly Slater's lack of hair seems actually to have helped him find success with the ladies.
Clyde Drexler aged quickly, but in his prime with the Blazers he was an absolute beast on the wing.
By about his third year in the NBA, he was clearly headed down a road towards massive hair loss.
Plenty on the sides, just not much on top.
Holliday teamed with fellow baldy Clint Barmes for years in Denver before joining Albert Pujols in St. Louis.
Like Pujols, Holliday has been bald since his early 20s.
It might be a good idea to leave your cap on, Matt.
The Iron Man has secured his spot in baseball history.
He was one of the first shortstops who was both rangy and able to hit for power, and his streak of 2,632 straight games will never be broken.
Make no mistake, Cal will be remembered as one of the best bald guys to ever play in the bigs.
Tiger's little habit drops him down the list, at least until he starts winning golf tournaments again.
Although he is to blame for his current plight, there's nothing he can do to prevent his hair from falling out.
Cheer up, Tiger, you still have enough youth on your side.
And lots and lots of money.
Youkilis makes the most out of his talent and has become one of the most prominent faces of Red Sox Nation.
He is another one of those bald athletes who looks really scary.
Howard is a great goalkeeper and a fantastic overall athlete.
Don't look so surprised Tim, you made the list.
White has stayed cool despite sitting on top of the cash cow that is UFC.
There's just something very intimidating about angry-looking bald guys.
Not only a great hockey player who became the face of the Rangers, Messier was one of many athletes who got the chance to date Madonna.
That's another top 25 countdown waiting to happen.
The great Sampras-Agassi rivalry featured plenty of subplots, including the rapid loss of their hair.
Excessive sweating certainly didn't help Sampras pull off the bald look in style.
Those curly locks are all but a distant memory now.
One of the greatest sluggers who ever lived, Pujols has been bald since he came into the majors as a third baseman.
It's tough to believe he is only 28 years old.
There's nothing worse than a bald guy trying to hide it by wearing a wig.
At least Andre Agassi admitted it.
Now, he finds himself proudly atop this list of balding brethren.