Among other things, Michael Turner enjoys long walks on the beach, and gashing NFC South defenses.
Think there's enough parity in the NFL these days?
After three weeks, we have just three undefeated teams: the Steelers, Chiefs, and Bears.
The Cowboys, 49ers, and Chargers are all in last place.
Arian Foster leads the NFL in rushing.
Michael Vick and Jay Cutler rank second and third in the league in QB rating, respectively.
Austin Collie leads the league in receiving.
The Broncos lead the league in passing.
Got it? Good.
On to the rankings for week four.
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (3-0, Last Week: 3)
Week 4: vs. BAL
Many feared that the Steelers would be lucky to go 2-2 without Ben Roethlisberger.
Now, at 3-0, we can change that to "many fear the Steelers"...period.
2. Indianapolis Colts (2-1, Last Week: 6)
Week 4: at JAX
Indy has righted the ship following the week one debacle in Houston, and Indy appears primed to make yet another sprint right into the playoffs.
Yep, you read that correctly earlier. Austin Collie leads the league in receiving, having racked up 359 yards with four touchdowns through three games.
3. Atlanta Falcons (2-1, Last Week: 13)
Week 4: vs. SF
Atlanta was a Garrett Hartley missed chip-shot away from dropping to 2-1, but they've been incredibly impressive thus far.
They're stout on defense. They have a strong two-headed rushing attack. They have several weapons in the passing game.
The Saints will have some serious competition in the NFC South.
4. Chicago Bears (3-0, Last Week: 7)
Week 4: at NYG
Chicago needed lots of good fortune to eke out a narrow win over the Packers Monday night, but a win is a win.
They'll likely need to get their running game going if they want to have continued success, though.
Their leading rusher Monday night? Jay Cutler, who ran it three times for 37 yards.
5. Green Bay Packers (2-1, Last Week: 2)
Week 4: vs. DET
18 penalties, a blocked field goal, a punt return touchdown, and a flukey lost fumble along the sideline.
It clearly wasn't the Packers' night Monday against the Bears, but they were still in position to win the game at the end.
6. New York Jets (2-1, Last Week: 9)
Week 4: at BUF
Mark Sanchez is officially looking like a guy worthy of being selected fifth overall in last year's draft.
Since a forgettable opening night against Baltimore, he's thrown for 476 yards with six touchdowns.
Best number of all? Zero interceptions through three games.
7. Kansas City Chiefs (3-0, Last Week: 12)
Week 4: BYE
The unbeaten Chiefs played what was by far their best game of the young season against San Francisco, winning by a score of 31-10.
Matt Cassel threw for 250 yards with three touchdowns, and the dynamic duo of Thomas Jones and Jamaal Charles combined to rush for 192 yards.
8. New Orleans Saints (2-1, Last Week: 1)
Week 4: vs. CAR
Through three games, it's clear that these aren't quite the same Saints that we saw take home the Super Bowl title last season.
What better to cure what ills you than a game against those disgraceful Panthers?
9. Baltimore Ravens (2-1, Last Week: 8)
Week 4: at PIT
The Ravens' offense finally came to life against the Browns, riding three touchdowns from Anquan Boldin to a 24-17 victory.
The only problem? Allowing 304 yards and forcing no turnovers against lowly Cleveland.
10. Houston Texans (2-1, Last Week: 4)
Week 4: at OAK
The Texans were dominated in just about every phase of the game at home against the Cowboys, but all is not lost.
A win at Oakland would give the Texans' their first-ever 3-1 start.
11. Tennessee Titans (2-1, Last Week: 17)
Week 4: vs. DEN
Nobody is talking about the Titans, but they've been impressive (when they're not playing against Pittsburgh's league-best defense, that is).
As we know, great defense plus a great running game equals success in the NFL.
12. Philadelphia Eagles (2-1, Last Week: 12)
Week 4: vs. WAS
Michael Vick is quickly transforming the Eagles into the league's most exciting offensive team.
Combine Vick with explosive speedsters like DeSean Jackson, Jeremy Maclin, and LeSean McCoy, and you have yourself a matchup nightmare.
13. Miami Dolphins (2-1, Last Week: 5)
Week 3: vs. NE
Tough loss at home for the Dolphins, but they were right there at the end of the game.
The AFC East will clearly be one of the most hotly-contested divisions in the league this year.
14. New England Patriots (2-1, Last Week: 10)
Week 4: at MIA
Sure, the Patriots won on Sunday, but it was far from impressive.
What was impressive was the effort from BenJarvus Green-Ellis, who ran 16 times for 98 yards with a touchdown.
15. Dallas Cowboys (1-2, Last Week: 21)
Week 4: BYE
The Cowboys needed a win, and they got it in dominating fashion over the previously-undefeated Texans.
The three turnovers forced by the Dallas defense were the first three of the season.
16. Cincinnati Bengals (2-1, Last Week: 16)
Week 4: at CLE
The Bengals were carried by Cedric Benson against Carolina, when he ran for 81 yards with a touchdown and added another score through the air.
This team could easily be 3-1 next week after playing the Browns, despite their extreme struggles in the passing game.
17. Minnesota Vikings (1-2, Last Week: 15)
Week 4: BYE
Like the Cowboys, the Vikings were able to get a win that they absolutely had to have.
Brett Favre showed that he actually has a pulse, but Adrian Peterson was the key against Detroit, punishing the Lions for 160 yards and two touchdowns on the ground.
18. Seattle Seahawks (2-1, Last Week: 23)
Week 4: at STL
Seattle dominated in week one, struggled in week two, and narrowly picked off San Diego in week three.
I'm still not a believer in this team, but they're obviously better than I initially thought.
19. San Diego Chargers (1-2, Last Week: 14)
Week 4: vs. ARZ
We shouldn't at all be surprised that San Diego is 1-2, because they seem to start like this every season.
They're two games behind the impressive Chiefs, but can we really imagine the Chargers not coming back to take this division in the end?
20. Denver Broncos (1-2, Last Week: 22)
Week 4: at TEN
Brandon Lloyd has randomly emerged as a legitimate playmaker for the Broncos.
The former Illinois receiver has 14 catches for 339 yards with a touchdown so far through three games for the NFL's leading passing attack.
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (2-1, Last Week: 18)
Week 4: BYE
The Bucs were brought down to earth in violent fashion by the Steelers, getting smoked by a score of 38-13.
Tampa's leading rusher in Sunday's thrashing? Former "boxing" champion LeGarrette Blount, who ran six times for 27 yards with a touchdown.
22. Washington Redskins (1-2, Last Week: 19)
Week 4: at PHI
Following an extremely disappointing loss at the hands of the Rams, Donovan McNabb and co. will now travel to Philadelphia.
If not for the goat named Alex Barron, the Redskins would be staring 0-4 right in the face.
23. New York Giants (1-2, Last Week: 20)
Week 4: vs. CHI
This team looks really horrible...again.
That Eli Manning left-handed interception in the end zone was one of the worst plays I've ever seen.
24. Arizona Cardinals (2-1, Last Week: 28)
Week 4: at SD
Sure, the Cardinals are 2-1, but the two wins were narrow victories over St. Louis and Oakland.
Larry Fitzgerald, considered one of the league's top-two wide receivers back when Kurt Warner was playing quarterback, is going to waste with Derek Anderson in there.
A few players with more receiving yards than Fitz this season: Austin Collie, Brandon Lloyd, Mario Manningham, Louis Murphy, Mark Clayton, Aaron Hernandez, Lance Moore, and Danny Amendola.
25. Oakland Raiders (1-2, Last Week: 26)
Week 4: vs. HOU
An uncharacteristically bad game from the reliable Sebastian Janikowski dropped the Raiders to 1-2 on the young season.
Darren McFadden has finally started to look like the guy they thought they were getting when they drafted him in the first round in 2008.
He ranks third in the league with 345 yards on the ground so far.
26. St. Louis Rams (1-2, Last Week: 29)
Week 4: vs. SEA
With two straight very winnable games coming up against Seattle and Detroit, the Rams could quite feasibly be 3-2 headed into their week six showdown with the Chargers.
Sam Bradford looks like the real deal.
27. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2, Last Week: 25)
Week 4: vs. IND
Since racking up three touchdown passes in the win over Denver in week one, David Garrard has struggled mightily, having thrown just one touchdown with five interceptions combined in the past two games, both Jacksonville losses.
With Trent Edwards now in town, might Garrard's days as the starter be numbered?
Another question: Would Edwards actually be any sort of an upgrade?
28. Detroit Lions (0-3, Last Week: 27)
Week 4: at GB
Tough sledding for the Lions, who will have to face an angry Packers team just a week after facing a desperate Vikings team.
29. San Francisco 49ers (0-3, Last Week: 24)
Week 4: at ATL
It seemed as though the 49ers were making positive strides in the narrow Monday night loss to New Orleans, only to have everything completely fall apart in getting run over by the Chiefs.
Nobody saw this coming, and now they'll have to face a tough Atlanta team on the road to avoid a completely crippling 0-4 start.
30. Carolina Panthers (0-3, Last Week: 30)
Week 4: at NO
This team is awful.
John Fox is so fired.
31. Buffalo Bills (0-3, Last Week: 32)
Week 4: vs. NYJ
The Bills showed some fight against the Patriots, and will be rewarded with yet another tough divisional game, this time against the Jets.
But hey, at least their quarterback went to Harvard. Take that, Jets!
32. Cleveland Browns (0-3, Last Week: 31)
Week 4: vs. CIN
Think the Broncos regret trading Peyton Hillis for Brady Quinn yet?
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