
NFL Power Rankings Week 3: Comparing Teams To Hit Fall TV Shows
With Week 2 in the NFL officially in the books, it's time to turn attentions to two things: First, the excitement and enjoyability of Week 3, but also the new fall television lineup!
Many top TV shows are either premiering or returning to action this week—House, Hawaii Five-O, Modern Family, Boardwalk Empire, The Event, along with countless others are primed and ready to fill that hideous void between Monday night and Saturday morning.
From the drama of TNT, to the irreverent comedy of FOX, to the gritty uncensored content on HBO, combine the return of everyone's favorite TV shows to the ongoing college and pro football seasons, and it is a recipe for endless entertainment.
Fire up the DVRs, it's time for another Power Rankings...
32) Buffalo Bills—Jersey Shore
1 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #31
- Point Differential: -32
- Key Stat: 4.64 (yards/attempted pass...worst in the league. 13 NFL players have better yards/rush)
Trent Edwards is clearly not the answer, Chan Gailey doesn't think so either. He announced Monday that Ryan Fitzpatrick will start Week 3, and onward.
Yippe!
People like Jersey Shore. No one is quite sure who, but people do. If anyone you know or love enjoys Jersey Shore, urge them to seek medical attention immediately...
From a lobotomist.
Watching the Bills can be (almost) as maddening. With so few weapons and a team weak along the offensive and defensive fronts, it barely resembles what Americans know as football—good thing it's so close to Canada!
In the same way, Jersey Shore is (almost) TV entertainment, just like the "stars" of the program are almost Italian, almost from New Jersey, and almost people.
31) Carolina Panthers—The Vampire Diaries
2 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #20
- Point Differential: -26
- Key Stat: 6.2 (The increase in points/game allowed so far this year from last.)
Simply put...the Carolina Panthers suck.
Get it? Vampires....suck!
*ahem*
There is no joy in mudville this week as Mighty Matt Moore has struck out and second round draft pick Jimmy Clausen (who was considered by most NFL scouts to be a longterm project with high upside) will be taking over.
For now.
Matt Moore has a history (albeit a short one) of sticking around and winning games long after every one thinks his chances are dead and gone.
Carolina, for its part, has a similar history—being prognosticators' chic picks in the preseason but forgotten due to their location and lack of star power?
Will a loss to the Tampa Bay be the final nail in the coffin?
If the Panthers want to rise from the dead, they need Chris Gamble to be at 100 percent and to play fundamentally sound defense. Right now, it's looking as if the loss of Julius Peppers is a cold splash of holy water to the face of everyone in Charlotte.
30) St. Louis Rams—Glee
3 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #32
- Point Differential: -6
- Key Stat: 80 (pass attempts through two games by Sam Bradford...fourth most among all QBs)
Admit it!
Sam Bradford, for all his talents, looks like he belongs in a all-male a capella group far more than his baby face looks like it belongs on a football field.
One can only imagine what they might call themselves—"The Bare Tones," "The Treble Makers," or, assuming Sam is the lead, "The Bradford Files."
Surely, in some alternate dimension, that shoulder separation never heals and the world gets treated to such aural pleasures.
Thankfully, this dimension gets football Sam Bradford.
Sadly, Sam Bradford gets the St. Louis Rams.
It isn't that the Rams aren't a good football team, they could be. Bradford and Steven Jackson are legit playmakers. The offensive line is tremendously young and talented. The defense has promise.
Right now, the Rams just sound like a bunch of different voices—no rhythm, no harmony.
It's a bittersweet symphony...
29) Cleveland Browns—Raising Hope
4 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #29
- Point Differential: -5
- Key Stat: 18 (Total touches by Joshua Cribbs, the team's best playmaker.)
Mike Holmgren and Eric Mangini mean well, really they do.
They just don't seem to always make the right decisions.
Hope is definitely growing in Cleveland, but right now, everyone else is looking at that hope not knowing what it's going to look like when its all grown up.
Is it going to be missing limbs, never truly flourish, mature gracefully?
The best of intentions don't always lead to the best of results—and it looks like the powers that be need a little help raising the hope of Browns fans everywhere.
That help could be on the roster already, Joshua Cribbs has been (almost intentionally) absent from the gameplanning, and it looks as if Mangini is at least paying lipservice to using him more in single-wing packages.
28) Detroit Lions—Project Runway
5 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #28
- Point Differential: -8
- Key Stat: 75/150/3 (rushing, receiving, TDs...the only rookie RB to hit each of those benchmarks in a single game)
Not that anyone gives a flying crap what is actually happening in Detroit—more importantly, the Detroit Lions have made darn sure they look good doing it.
Shiny facilities at Ford Field and Allen Park that still have that new (American) car smell. (Mostly because attendance at Ford Field isn't exactly drawing the same type of ratings "Project" gets on Bravo.
In fact, the first thing this new regime did in Detroit was update the logo ("Bubbles") and the uniforms.
Fabulous!
For all the lack of substance (in terms of wins) the football has looked better in Detroit this season as Jahvid Best and Ndamukong Suh have added some flair to this outfit.
27) San Francisco 49ers—Bachelorette
6 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #19
- Point Differential: -28
- Key Stat: 82.2 (Alex Smith's QB Rating against the New Orleans Saints.)
Mike Singletary is looking for a very specific set of attributes for his football team.
Is he going to find them?
Who will get the rose?
Will Alex Smith be the long lost love of a franchise yearning for its former quarterback romances with the likes of Jeff Garcia, Steve Young, and Joe Montana?
Will Frank Gore get someone to complete him?
Will Mike Iupati eat any small children?
These questions and more have to be answered before happiness can truly be found.
26) Arizona Cardinals—Outlaw
7 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #27
- Point Differential: -30
- Key Stat: 9/0/0 (tackles, sacks, forced fumbles through two games for Darnell Docket, who recently signed a four-year, 48 million dollar contract.)
The new show, Outlaw, sets Jimmy Smits as a conservative supreme court justice who lives a somewhat double life as a philanderer and party animal before he decides to cash it all in and be a lowly personal defense attorney.
The Arizona Cardinals once had it all—a top notch future Hall-of-Fame quarterback, two top receivers, a decent running back in Tim Hightower, and an underrated defense. That combination got the Cardinals all the way to the pinnacle of success—the Super Bowl.
The hangover has been one heck of a ride.
No team has fallen farther.
25) Oakland Raiders—Bad Girls Club
8 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #21
- Point Differential: -23
- Key Stat: 9 (passes it took Bruce Gradkowski to match Jason Campbell's season TD total)
Once the bad boys of the NFL, losing has taken the wind out of the sails in Oakland—but not out of the lungs of Oakland coaches, players, fans or ownership who continue to crow as if anyone actually cared what was said.
When other teams give their tacit approval to ESPN (or other media outlets) to report rumors and "sources" the teams know are false, Oakland actually calls out the media—calling Adam Schefter a "liar" earlier this year.
When anyone dares question the legitimacy of players like Zach Miller or Nnamdi Asomugha, fans jump on the offender like a pack of drunken cougars on a piece of fresh meat.
That isn't mixing metaphors.
Still, talent certainly exists on this squad (although onlookers are quick to point out this "old gray mare just ain't what she used to be) especially on defense. Even Darren McFadden looks like he's had some "work done" on his career.
Now the quarterback position has gotten a face lift.
But it is clear this team needs more than a touchup—Dr. 90210 needs to stage a full on intervention for these bad girls before the life of this season is any further in shambles.
24) Jacksonville Jaguars—Two and a Half Men
9 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #25
- Point Differential: -18
- Key Stat: 18 (yards on the longest run of the year by Maurice Jones Drew)
This is one team that has just about everyone laughing—for a myriad of reasons.
Longtime fans chuckle knowingly as a coaching staff brings its own team down by sticking it with a quarterback (David Garrard) that can never help this team win games.
Rivals guffaw as that same quarterback seemingly loses his job and the backup (Josh McCown) tears his ACL.
The media snickers at ticket sales and talk of a franchise move (unwarranted talk at that).
It's all a big joke.
One big joker (Garrard), one straight man (Mike Sims-Walker) and one tiny talent (Maurice Jones Drew)—along with a supporting cast—keep everyone laughing.
23) Seattle Seahawks—Dexter
10 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #24
- Point Differential: +8
- Key Stat: 20-21 (touchdowns/interceptions for Matt Hasselbeck since the beginning of last season)
No one can put their finger on it...something just isn't right.
Is it Matt Hasselbeck, a one time almost-elite QB who looks to have fallen off the shelf? Is it the offensive line, still stinging from the losses of Walter Jones and Steve Hutchinson? Is it the defense, good-but-not-great at nearly every position?
Something is wrong. No one can tell what quite yet, but something just isn't right.
The Seahawks curbstomped their division rivals from San Francisco and then got gutted by Kyle Orton and the Denver Broncos.
If the Seahawks aren't careful and follow the "rules," it could turn from controlled chaos into a massacre.
22) Dallas Cowboys—Dancing With The Stars
11 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #6
- Point Differential: -13
- Key Stat: 99-42 (Pass attempts to rushing attempts by the Cowboys who have three good running backs)
Here you go Cowboys fans...really the only thing that could cheer you up right now is some of the patented jiggling skin that has made the Dallas Cheerleaders and Dancing With the Stars the hit they are.
This year, the talent looks a-list, but the results have been a flop.
The Cowboys need to recoup, get a second chance or two, and get acclimated to the bright lights, otherwise they'll be going home quicker than a chubby Palin daughter.
(Yes, I went there.)
21) Denver Broncos—Hawaii Five-0
12 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #22
- Point Differential: +10
- Key Stat: 1,033 (passing yards by Kyle Orton in his last three games.)
Quirky.
The old Hawaii Five-O epitomized the word, while the remake hopes to capture a fragment of what made Steve McGarrett and Dan-o a hit.
In Denver, things certainly haven't been by-the-book.
No one has been a bigger critic of Josh McDaniels and the Broncos "blueprint" than I. Frankly, no evidence has been brought forth to prove those blueprints are written with magic marker on the back of McDaniel's Happy Meal bag.
But, as long as it gets results, who cares about the methods?
20) Minnesota Vikings—$H*! My Dad Says
13 of 32
- Current Record: 0-2
- Previous Week's Ranking: #9
- Point Differential: -9
- Key Stat: 13 (week in which Favre threw his fourth INT in 2009, he has thrown four already in 2010)
Press conferences with Brad Childress are one of those simple pleasures in life that every sports journalist needs to experience.
By simple, understand that I meant the quality of Childress' intellect.
The things that come out of this man's mouth belong on Twitter and probably on CBS.
Just, not anywhere near an NFL sideline.
Oh, and Brett Favre's old!
19) New York Giants—Chase
14 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #15
- Point Differential: -11
- Key Stat: 4-6 (Giants' record against teams over .500 in 2009)
The sign (and the result on Sunday night) says it all....
18) Tennessee Titans—Running Wilde
15 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #19
- Point Differential: +17
- Key Stat: 12 (games in a row Chris Johnson has rushed 100+ yards, a streak stopped in Week 2)
Who's laughing now?
Running Wilde, is a new FOX comedy trying to steal some of the magic that once made Will Arnett and Arrested Development such a fan favorite.
Meanwhile, the Titans aren't even close to what the "Music City Miracle" makers once were, but with a gritty quarterback, a tough rushing attack, and hardnosed coaching, they're trying to re-capture some of the old stuff.
As of right now, it looks like its going to be wild, it looks like its going to be entertaining.
No one's sure if its going to be successful though.
17) Philadelphia Eagles—Survivor
16 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #17
- Point Differential: -4
- Key Stat: 0 (number of 100-yard rushers in 2009--two this season (McCoy and Vick)
Yes, the photo is cherry-picked to make Andy Reid look like he's spent a few too many minutes on the beach sipping mai tais without enough sunscreen.
No, no photoshopping was done to make him look like Milton from Office Space—that's natural.
It looks like the result of the most recent challenge isn't going to matter and the team isn't getting a chance to vote at tribal council. Mike Vick is getting voted off the island in favor of Kevin Kolb who apparently has a few immunity idols stashed away.
Will "Team Eagle" win enough challenges along the way?
They're in the NFC East—a tougher environ than any Survivor's producers could imagine. It is clear they have talent, savvy and the will to win.
Much like on the CBS hit, it's going to come down to strategy and gamesmanship—something no one believes "Milton" has anymore.
16) Cincinnati Bengals—True Blood
17 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #11
- Point Differential: -9
- Key Stat: 29 (Number of extra passing attempts in the first two games in 2010, from the first two games in 2009)
That group is certainly up to no good...
The Bengals have a fatal flaw. Much like vampires fear their many weaknesses—sunlight, holy water, crosses, garlic, etc. the Bengals fear a possible destruction from within that they have brought upon themselves.
Can the well-intentioned Bengals keep things synthetically afloat? Or, will the demons within come crashing out?
15) Tampa Bay Buccanneers—Curb Your Enthusiasm
18 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #26
- Point Differential: +16
- Key Stat: 2006 (The last time a Tampa Bay QB had 2 TDs in consecutive games—Chris Simms)
The header says it all.
Yes, the excitement is overwhelming. A crack in the NFC South as the Panthers are faulting means the Buccaneers have a shot at staying even with the Falcons and weaknesses in the NFC North, East and West make a Wild Card look possible.
Curb Your Enthusiasm.
While talented, this is still a young team, without the help and support of a steadying hand like Larry's friend and manager, Jeff. This team will be, at times, awkward and look foolish.
However, it is a recipe for wild success.
Even if this team goes away for a time, the rest of the league needs to be forewarned that it will be back and will make plenty of noise in the football world.
14) San Diego Chargers—Law and Order: Los Angeles
19 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #8
- Point Differential: +18
- Key Stat: 9.3 (yards/pass...the longest in Rivers' career)
It's a formula—a system that has been proven to work, somewhat.
Law and Order, in all its incarnations, has indented itself in the American consciousness so much that everyone seemed surprised they weren't the only ones not watching it when the flag ship of Dick Wolf's armada was canceled in the spring.
Now, it's been retooled again, new cast members, new surroundings.
Norv Turner and AJ Smith have a formula, a system.
Sure it hasn't won the big one, and "great, but not the best" isn't something most NFL teams aspire to. But, it's successful, it's always been successful, and nothing is going to change until that system stops working.
13) Kansas City Chiefs—Undercovers
20 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #30
- Point Differential: +9
- Key Stat: 374 (All-purpose yards from McCluster, Arenas, Moeaki, all rookies)
Is this thing really going to be good?
The Kansas City Chiefs and NBC's newest show both seem to have casual onlookers saying the same thing.
One thing is sure: even if fatal flaws doom longterm success, even if the stars can't carry the show, even if the award and accolades don't come flooding in...
This thing is going to be awfully exciting and fun to watch.
12) Washington Redskins—Modern Family
21 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #16
- Point Differential: +3
- Key Stat: 70:40 (pass to run ratio through two games)
Dysfunction, thy name is the Washington Redskins.
Not that dysfunction is necessarily a bad thing—it works for one of ABC's funniest shows in a long time.
It seems to work for the bulk of Americas families.
It seems to be working for the Redskins as well.
The "kids" can't keep their mouths shut (Clinton Portis, DeAngelo Hall) and the "parents" have a hard time disciplining anyone out of line (Haynesworth), but that doesn't mean when things get tough that everyone isn't going to pull together and make this a winner.
11) New England Patriots—CSI NY/Miami
22 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #7
- Point Differential: EVEN
- Key Stat: 20.9 (yards/reception for the Patriots' leading receiver, Aaron Hernandez)
This formula works.
CSI has all of the critical acclaim and massive ratings that Law and Order always wanted—with a similar system and "franchising" system that have many wondering if a time exists that neither a Law and Order or CSI is somewhere on the TV.
But, this formula works.
Bill Belichick doesn't care what others think. He doesn't care that he is supposed to keep Logan Mankins around (or Lawrence Maroney, or Mike Vrabel, or Deion Branch). This franchise rotates players and coaches like CSI rotates locales.
It doesn't matter, success follows whatever this team (or Anthony Zuiker) does.
10) New York Jets—Boardwalk Empire
23 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #5
- Point Differential: +13
- Key Stat: 138:70 (ratio of rushing yards of aging change of pace back, Tomlinson: back of the future, Greene)
Hype.
Whether it is training camp on HBO (via Hard Knocks) or a pilot directed by Martin Scorsese, a level of hype exists that is just difficult to live up to.
The pilot of Boardwalk Empire is creating quite a stir and the show looks to be finding its way onto lots of DVRs rather quickly.
For the Jets, it seemed as if the hype was undue, but a win over the rival Patriots, keeps the Jets in the running for the AFC East and on the minds of just about everyone in the sports world.
Are the Jets really as good as they would have all of us believe?
"Never let the truth get in the way of a good story."--Nucky Thompson
9) Miami Dolphins—Burn Notice
24 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #14
- Point Differential: +9
- Key Stat: 58% (The amount of Brandon Marshall's catches that have been for a first down)
For those who haven't seen USA's Burn Notice, what are you thinking?!
It has it all—excitement, humor, action, drama, eye candy (for both genders)—but the show seems to have more of a cult following (possibly based on its time, location, and lack of real star power) than the blistering fan bases of the lower quality network shows (many of which will be canceled faster than a beer in the hands of Sam Axe).
The Miami Dolphins are just as exciting, just as explosive, and just as (most importantly) solid than the more well-known contenders. With the possibility of two rushers going over the one thousand mark this season and a big play quarterback paired with a big play receiver, things seem like the Dolphins should be making a much bigger splash.
Like Michael Weston, perhaps behind-the-scenes is right where the Dolphins want to be.
8) Chicago Bears—The Event
25 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #23
- Point Differential: +12
- Key Stat: 5:1 (Jay Cutler's TD:INT ratio)
What WASN'T wrong about the Chicago Bears?
No one knew what was coming as the Bears' season approached. Clues seemed to point here and there, but nothing definitive could be ascertained about what in the world was actually going to happen.
Many just wrote them off.
Those who were treated to an advanced showing of The Event aren't trashing it as a "24 Knockoff." Rather, it seems like this could be the next big hit.
After two games, Jay Cutler seems to have finally found his stride and this could be more than just a "Greatest Show on Turf" knockoff, this could be the real thing.
7) Baltimore Ravens—Parenthood
26 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #3
- Point Differential: -4
- Key Stat: 77:1, 37 (Pass attempts:TD ratio, Ray Rice carries)
First off, John Harbaugh is probably a fine individual, but this has to be one of the jerkiest moments in the history of post-game interviews.
This Ravens team is starting to look like a well put together ensemble cast with the additions of Ray Rice and Joe Flacco (Draft) along with Anquan Boldin and TJ Houshmandzadeh (Free Agency). The cast in Baltimore just works.
No factions, no cliques, strong leadership, solid values.
Like a family.
Bumps will happen along the way, but families stick together and get through.
Now, hand Ray Rice the stupid ball!
6) Atlanta Falcons—Friday Night Lights
27 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #13
- Point Differential: +28
- Key Stat: 1000 and counting... (Career catches for Tony Gonzalez)
Simply put, this is a football team.
No, not stating the most extreme obvious statement possible. Rather, this isn't a quarterback with scrubs around him. This isn't a one-dimensional scheme/system.
The Falcons are a well-balanced, traditional, down-home, American as apple pie and Fourth of July, family values football team.
5) Indianapolis Colts—The Office
28 of 32
- Current Record: 1-1
- Previous Week's Ranking: #4
- Point Differential: +14
- Key Stat: 14, 15, 16 (Catches so far for Reggie Wayne, Austin Collie and Dallas Clark)
Much like The Office, the Indianapolis Colts are an ensemble cast that depends heavily on its leading man.
Peyton Manning might not be the bumbling idiot that Michael Scott is, but he makes people laugh (though SNL and his many endorsement deals) almost as much.
For The Office, buzz is building on who (if anyone) will replace Steve Carrell when he leaves at the end of this season. For Indianapolis, a QB change isn't going to happen anytime soon, and Curtis Painter hardly generates anything remotely resembling a buzz.
Yet, no matter how "down" critics ever think Indianapolis might be, it just wins football games.
After Week 1, the demise of Payton's place was a foregone conclusion. A beat up of little brother later, and it seems the Colts are right back on track.
4) Pittsburgh Steelers—Mad Men
29 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #12
- Point Differential: +14
- Key Stat: 2 (Quarterbacks who have won games for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Byron Leftwich will likely have the chance to make it 3, this Sunday)
3) Houston Texans—Chuck
30 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #10
- Point Differential: +13
- Key Stat: 5374 (Passing yards since the beginning of 2009—the most of any QB in that span)
Chuck is just an "average guy."
Does any other rallying cry work as well for the Houston Texans?
Matt Schaub was relegated to be a journeyman backup behind Michael Vick in Atlanta. Arian Foster was Montario Hardesty's backup in college at Tennessee and was an undrafted addition to the Texans' roster.
Even Mario Williams, a top draft pick was considered third best by many who wanted Reggie Bush or Vince Young.
What is most endearing about the Texans is the loyalty of their fans. Houston has been, consistently, one of the most successful (financially) teams because the fans have understood the rigors of building an expansion team and the speed bump of the David Carr era.
Fans of average guy Chuck have saved him from cancellation more than once, too.
2) Green Bay Packers—Community
31 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #2
- Point Differential: +34
- Key Stat: 3 (Rushing TDs this season, none by Ryan Grant)
As the only NFL team owned by its fans, this comparison (at least in name) just works.
To push the comparison further. Community is about college students (with a few old guys mixed in) while the Green Bay Packers are consistently the league's youngest team.
The Packers are dangerously close to being the best team in the NFL. They've outscored their opponents by 34 points and look able to endure an injury to their starting running back without missing much of a beat. (At least, they don't sound worried.)
A matchup this week at 2-0 Chicago will teach everyone a little bit more about each team.
1) New Orleans Saints—House
32 of 32
- Current Record: 2-0
- Previous Week's Ranking: #1
- Point Differential: +8
- Key Stat: 9 (Players who have caught a pass from Drew Brees so far this season.)
Simply the best at what they do, the New Orleans Saints, and Gregory House are literal masters of their domain.
The most recent series of House ended (for once) on a high note. After years of ending with loss, new shades of addiction, or some form of sadness. This past season, Dr. House found himself in the arms of his longtime love interest (and fellow University of Michigan grad) Cuddy.
This year, the storyline is going to be about whether or not the two of them can maintain that happiness and keep everything together.
For once, the Aints finished the year with a happiness. The league's most snakebitten franchise finally reached the promised land. Can they keep it all together?
Watch and see...
Michael Schottey is the Managing Editor of the College Writing Internship at Bleacher Report and is an NFL Featured Columnist. Mike is a credentialed member of the NFL media and part of the Pro Football Writers of America. Follow Mike on Twitter.
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