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NFL Picks Week 1: Predictions For Opening Week Games—In Limericks

Rory BrownSenior Writer IOctober 3, 2016

NFL Picks Week 1: Predictions For Opening Week Games—In Limericks

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    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    NFL Picks and Predictions for Week 1 are here.

    That means another glorious NFL season is upon us.

    So what better way to get the season started than with a round of picks and predictions for each Week 1 game....in limericks.

    Before we're inevitably disappointed by our favorite players and coaches, outraged by various officials, and depressed by our underperforming fantasy rosters, give these picks and limericks a read, and don't hesitate to contribute your own limericks in the comments below.

    Go to the next slide to get started on the picks.

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints

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    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    These teams had a dumb Twitter war

    It made headlines, but the tiff was a bore

    For Shiancoe's sake,

    Favre's ankle best not ache

    (Shiancoe's been caught with his pants down before)

     

    Saints: 38

    Vikings: 28

Carolina Panthers @ New York Giants

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    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    The Giants' new stadium is big and bold.

    Let's hope it brings back their defense of old.

    Matt Moore's skill is all myth,

    Although he still has Steve Smith.

    No way Eli lets his team fold.

     

    Giants: 31

    Panthers: 13

Atlanta Falcons @ Pittsburgh Steelers

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    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    Matt Ryan hit a sophomore slump.

    But he's not some suspended chump.

    Dennis Dixon has it tough,

    His O-line looks rough.

    The Steelers will get a week 1 thump.

     

    Falcons: 23

    Steelers: 10

Cleveland Browns @ Tampa Bay Bucs

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    Matt Sullivan/Getty Images

    Many fans can watch this on DirecTV.

    But this is not the game they want to see.

    The Browns feature Harrison, Jerome

    Plus overpaid Jake Delhomme.

    And they'll still win 21-3.

     

    Browns: 21

    Bucs: 3

Indianapolis Colts @ Houston Texans

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    Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

    Get ready, because coverage will be blown.

    That means scores for Wayne, Clark and Garcon.

    Peyton's bulletproof,

    Except for the Super Bowl goof.

    Look for No. 18 to be back in the zone.

     

    Colts: 42

    Texans: 27

Cincinnati Bengals @ New England Patriots

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    Elsa/Getty Images

    A big question facing the Pats' attack

    Is "Who is their lead running back?"

    Plus Moss is upset,

    (Not that he's in debt)

    The home crowd gets this team back on track.

     

    Patriots: 20

    Bengals: 17

Miami Dolphins @ Buffalo Bills

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    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    The Bills have lacked an offensive pillar.

    But now they have much-hyped C.J. Spiller.

    Fans will have their eyes peeled,

    When he's in the backfield.

    But Miami wins in a game that's not much of a thriller.

     

    Dolphins: 16

    Bills: 9

Oakland Raiders @ Tennessee Titans

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    Mary Ann Chastain/Getty Images

    Chris Johnson won't have the game you'd expect.

    Since the Raiders' defense is far from suspect.

    Oakland now has Jason Campbell,

    And he knows how to scramble.

    So the Raiders have a chance? Incorrect.

     

    Titans: 23

    Raiders: 14

Denver Broncos @ Jacksonville Jaguars

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    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    Tim Tebow? Fans can't get enough.

    Although Orton's proved he's pretty darn tough.

    The Jags' offense really stinks,

    Their fans should consume a lot of drinks.

    Especially given MJD's bad rotator cuff.

     

    Broncos: 27

    Jaguars: 6

Arizona Cardinals @ St. Louis Rams

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    Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

    Bradford is starting, the Rams have revealed.

    Steven Jackson should be fully healed.

    Anderson will have bad spells,

    But he can count on Beanie Wells.

    And Arizona wins on the Rams' field.

     

    Cardinals: 21

    Rams: 17

San Francisco 49ers @ Seattle Seahawks

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    Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images

    Niner fans will give it to you straight.

    They're not scared of Carroll, Forsett or Tate.

    The NFC West is weak,

    A loss would be bleak.

    Plus Singletary would be absolutely irate.

     

    49ers: 35

    Seahawks: 14

Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears

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    Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

    Folks tie the Detroit Lions to losing.

    But the Bears' D is no longer bruising.

    With a kick from Jahvid Best,

    Stafford can handle the rest.

    And Jay Cutler picks? Always amusing.

     

    Lions: 27

    Bears: 26

Green Bay Packers @ Philadelphia Eagles

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    Jeff Gross/Getty Images

    Kevin Kolb's stomach must be in knots

    Replacing McNabb is one of many subplots

    Green Bay's already been crowned,

    As Super Bowl bound.

    Expect lots of yards -- lots and lots.

     

    Packers: 45

    Eagles: 27

Dallas Cowboys @ Washington Redskins

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    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    A new era officially begins.

    McNabb now leads the Redskins.

    The Dallas offense: a mess

    But they do have weapons in excess.

    And Jerry Jones' Super Bowl patience still thins.

     

    Cowboys: 24

    Redskins: 21

Baltimore Ravens @ New York Jets

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    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    The Jets are getting hit with a lot of smack.

    And the Ravens will be on the attack.

    If the Jets stop Ray Rice,

    A few scores should suffice.

    And they'll deserve that "Hard Knocks" snack.

     

    Jets: 16

    Ravens: 13

San Diego Chargers @ Kansas City Chiefs

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    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    No matter what year, what time, or what day

    Arrowhead is a very tough place to play.

    KC's backs have luster

    With Charles, Jones and McCluster

    But Rivers is a great QB who's here to stay.

     

    Chargers: 21

    Chiefs: 17

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