"Foos ball is from the devil," so said Mama Boucher of The Waterboy.
Let me amend that, "Fantasy foos ball is from the devil!"
I am an old-school, support your favorite team kind of fan. I have never played fantasy football. I may never play fantasy football. I would rather play Madden until the cows come home before I play fantasy football.
I know guys that play fantasy football, and unfortunately, too many guys sound like nerds that have no real idea how football works when talking fantasy football. "How many yards did Matt Ryan throw for?" "How many yards did Chris Johnson get today?" "How many touchdowns did Santonio Holmes score?"
Rarely is there a mention of the results of the teams that these players play for brought up. Fantasy fans don't care, that is sacrilege to a real football fan like myself. These cats don't think about if a team, in a team sport, wins or loses; it's only about how "their guy" did. Goodness gracious sakes alive, who thought up this concept?
Why do I want to watch football just to see what my "guy" do if his team loses? It skews the whole viewing purpose of sports.
Let me try and explain it this way: When an athlete constantly talks about how he did, regardless of his team winning or losing, fans say, "he is selfish, he should be moved out of town," etc. But now, when fantasy football fans talk like that, it's just considered being a good owner. Please, give me a break! How hypocritical!
Fantasy football is clearly ruining the sports landscape when I cannot get a decent sports station on the first Saturday morning of the college football season to hear somebody, anybody, talk about college football because Joe Jockhead is talking about where the fantasy owners should draft friggin' Mario Manningham (no disrespect to Mario, go Giants!)
It's clear all of the nerds who talk about sabermetrics in baseball have poisoned the golden goose that is football with inane talking of late round drafting strategy, blah, blah, blah, regarding the value of the kickers for the Raiders and Buccaneers in your fantasy draft. Whatever.
It's time for the real men like Tim "The Toolman" Taylor, Al Bundy, Homer Simpson and myself to unite and form a Superfriends-like union to stop the anarchy of this growing problem. Men, it's not too late to regain your senses and real fan cards back. Put down the forms, get out of the leagues, and watch football for this one unique reason: To root for your team.
You know why? Because that's why they started the game. Word is bond.