Yesterday, I spent my entire day doing three things: Watching college football, tweeting, and keeping track of who the Bengals cut from their roster.
Since 91 percent of the people reading this are Bengals fans, I'll figure 69 percent of you knew that yesterday was cut day in the NFL. For the other 31 percent of you, cut day is where each team has to get their roster down to 53 players.
Anyway, nine seconds after I heard the news that sixth-round draft pick Dezmon Briscoe had been cut, I sent out this tweet making fun of the Bengals' favorite two and a half-year WR project, Jerome Simpson: "Dez Briscoe will be in the Hall-of-Fame before Jerome Simpson starts a game for the Bengals."
After sending the tweet, I took a bath, ate two waffles, watched the Miami Redhawks almost shock Florida, followed by the Reds pounding the Cardinals, before mowing my lawn.
What I'm trying to say here is that I didn't give the tweet a second thought.
But someone did give that tweet a second thought, none other than the Bengals two and a half-year WR project himself, Jerome Simpson.
Now, I didn't know that Simpson was more emotional than a teenage girl seeing "Twilight" star Taylor Lautner for the first time, but apparently he is.
At noon today, Simpson sent me a personal message on Twitter: "Why r u following me if wanna talk shit about me? O ya an you will never play an NFL snap.. So I got u!!
No, Jerome, I probably will never play an NFL snap, but you'll probably never write a grammatically correct sentence, so in that sense, we're even.
Mr. Simpson, I'll keep this short and sweet:
1. Stop Twitter-stalking your haters and learn the playbook. Terrell Owens learned it in two weeks, you're now going on 125 weeks. Unless he's 62.5 times smarter than you, this makes no sense.
2. Pray nightly that offensive coordinator Bob Bratkowski never gets fired because it would take you another three years to learn the new coordinator's playbook, which means you would be the first six-year veteran in the history of the NFL to never start a game. That would be an awesome record to hold.
3. Andre Smith sucks worse than you and at this point, is a bigger draft bust. The only difference, he actually answers questions and doesn't avoid the media. In everyday America, if you work at a job for two years and don't produce, you get fired. So don't be so touchy when Bengals fans want to see some new blood, as you've shown us nothing in two years.
Actually, you've shown us two yards, which is technically six feet more than nothing.
Oh, and in case anyone is wondering, here are Simpson's stats after two full seasons with the Bengals: Eight games played, one game started, one catch for two yards.