What's the MLB's all-time me team? The team that's all about who else...ME!
This is a team of players that I personally enjoy watching for different reasons. All of which will be explained as I announce the team. There is one requirement when being considered for this prestigious honor.
You have to be cool in my book. So, Jack Cust, A.J. Pierzynski, the 1997 Florida Marlins team, and most recently, Rafael Betancourt, don't expect your phone to ring.
Catcher: Sal Fasano
Do you get any cooler than Sal Fasano? This might be more of a trendy pick because of how awesome he has been recently, but this guy is just overflowing with cool.
He has the mustache, an Italian name, an Italian body, and he talks like he's been with his current club for five years and will be there for another five.
One of my favorite Sal Fasano quotes was a pregame interview on the Indians' pregame show when he had been a member of the Tribe for no more than a week. Yet he was entirely optimistic that he'd not only be on the club, but they'd be back in contention.
He is a modern day Super Mario, without the mushroom growth capabilities or the fire power. But he has the mustache and the belly. Give that man a red hat and you don't need Bob Hoskins. Fasano will do it for free!
This is a man that spends his offseason working for a type of family company, be it landscaping or construction, I don't know.
Sal Fasano, you my friend, are cool.
First Base: Doug Mientkiewicz
The most impossible name to spell is the name of Doug Mientkiewicz. So brutally hard that I've been copy-pasting it rather than typing out each time.
I used to hate Mientkiewicz when he was a Twin, just because of his name. Then he became a Pittsburgh Pirate, and I've gotten a first-hand viewing of his crazy antics.
The best being a few weeks ago when he slammed a pie in Jason Michaels' face, while wearing Michaels' own ketchup-colored Pirates jersey. That was the same game that he got thrown out in, and the Pirates made an improbable comeback.
I've warmed up to Mientkiewicz so much that I wouldn't mind seeing us field a bench of Sal Fasano and Doug Mientkiewicz next year. You want veterans? Doug "Alphabets" Mientkiewicz is the man.
Why Alphabets? Why spell his last name? Typing out the entire 26 letter alphabet is quicker.
Second Base: Ronnie Belliard
You want to talk about a fun guy to watch?
Ronnie Belliard plays as far back as any second baseman I've ever seen. Why?
Because he can.
Well, he does it to get to more groundballs, but he still can.
Belliard has also made some of the more spectacular plays I've seen an Indians' player make. He was a pro at turning the double play as well.
He was also a jolly guy in the clubhouse, and he'd be the one guy to disrupt an Indian during a pregame interview. He'd constantly walk in front of the camera with his hot beverage and hold it up with a big smile.
He also wasn't afraid to bust out his afro on retro night.
Shortstop: Omar Vizquel
Like there would be any other choice? The greatest defensive shortstop I have ever seen. Considering I’m a guy that loves defense, he is the poster-child of the All-Time Me Team.
Omar would dazzle fans with his bare-handed grabs and twirling throws. He overcame the odds of being a guy that couldn’t hit, and turned into a guy that could hit and was good at it. His home runs were far and few between but were much celebrated when they did happen.
My greatest memory of Vizquel was standing outside the player’s parking lot and seeing him get into his detailed hummer. Flames and snakes were all over it; he was truly a rock star among a young Indians team.
This could be his final year in the big leagues, and I’m glad he made one last stop in Cleveland before so. Omar Vizquel gets a spot on my team any day of the week.
Third Base: Bill Mueller
First off, the way he spells the name is just, amazing.
All Mueller ever did was hit the ball. On both sides of the plate, he was a monster. He’s the only guy to hit two grand slams from both sides of the plate in a baseball game.
I remember the night that happened. That overshadowed the fact that he actually hit three home runs in that game.
Maybe that is the lone reason he is on the Me-Team. But I love guys that just hit the baseball at will. Bill Mueller is that type of player, and that is why he is on my team.
Outfield: Ryan Ludwick
Ryan Ludwick is just another trendy player doing well for me to jump on. Ludwick is a former Indian that is now hitting it big with the St. Louis Cardinals.
Ludwick is a part of the tandem that is responsible for generating the nickname of “Pronk” to Travis Hafner. Selby coined the term, but Ludwick called him the donkey part of the name.
For that, he will live forever. Oh, and the year he is having isn’t that bad of an endorsement.
Outfield: Nate McLouth
Not only does Nate McLouth look like a small child, he has 20-home run power. Who would have thought that?
It doesn’t hurt McLouth’s case that he is a fan of the Michigan Wolverines. You know I support anyone who can get behind the Maize and Blue.
McLouth not only can hit rocket home runs in the body of a 15-year-old teenager, he patrols the Me-Team centerfield, because someone has to make up for Ryan Ludwick.
Outfield: Jody Gerut
This wouldn’t be an All-Time Me Team without on of my favorite mediocre, unknown players around the majors.
The resurgence of Jody Gerut is fun to watch for me. He doesn’t do any thing great, but he does everything well. He has some pop in his bat to go along with his above-average hitting and ability to get on via the walk.
Gerut has a good arm in the outfield and plays solid defense, despite his knee problems. With that, he still has the speed to steal bases if need be.
So what exactly is there not to love about Jody Gerut?
That’s right; there is no reason to not love Jody Gerut and the way he plays the game. He is by far is the superstar of my team, despite the fact he isn’t really a superstar.
Staring Pitcher: Rich Harden
As we know by now, I really like to watch Rich Harden throw a baseball. Harden has stuff that could be unrivaled by any pitcher in the majors.
Yet, we all know the issue with Harden is injuries. But, that doesn't stop me from putting him on my team. In my world, Harden is always healthy and striking out 15 hitters a game.
Also in a perfect world, Rich Harden's slider would start eye level at the outside of the plate and the hitter would swing through it as it broke towards the hitters ankle.
Starting Pitcher: Greg Maddux
Of course if I have a strikeout artist in my rotation; I need to complement him with someone like Greg Maddux.
Not only does Greg Maddux throw softer than my grandmother, he makes hitters look silly doing it.
Maddux also put out one of the greatest Nike commercials ever. Not only did he participate in it, he displayed some ultra cool glasses.
I'm going to go onto a defense rant again. How can you argue with what Greg Maddux has done? He's one of the greatest defensive pitchers in the game. At his old age, he still pounces off the mound like a cat to snag any ball he can.
Does Greg Maddux look like an athlete? Not in the least bit, if you ask me. But he sure as hell is one.
Closer: Joe Borowski
You may think I'm rather insane.
Well, you'd be correct. I'm indeed one insane individual. This is why Joe Borowski is on the All-Time Me Team.
Why? Simply put, it's an easy way to crack some "Cigarette Joe" jokes while I have the chance.
Fans are lying when they say their closer is more nerve-wracking than any other. Unless you are a Marlins, Cubs, or Indians fan, you have no clue what nerve-wracking is until you've seen Joe Borowski.
But, you know what? That's the fun in it all for me. Joe Borowski makes it interesting. It's sort of a welcomed pain that I have. I believe Bob Wickman will help you grow that type of thick skin.
So, my hats are off to you Joe Borowski, for not only for making me crazy, but for now providing the possibility of blowing some games for another team.
Manager: Phil Wellman
Why not? I mean, is there any other direction I could go in to manage this messed up group of players?
Ozzie Guillen maybe? He doesn't meet the cool requirement, considering he is a Chicago White Sox, but he is a close second.
You're probably wondering who exactly Phil Wellman is anyway. In case you forgot, here is a refresher.
I don't really think I have to explain it any further.
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