Can Someone Get This Guy a Purse? 10 Athletes Who Slap Like Girls
Slapping is a very underrated part of sports.
Think of how much slapping actually goes on in the pros, slaps on the rump, slaps on the head, slapping someone's hand, getting slapped with fines, slap-shots, slap-check and everyone's favorite: slapping someone else!
There are some who have perfected the art of slapping, like Bob Knight for example. He strikes with lightning-quick precision and does so with such fire that you'd think you actually deserved it.
As for the other offenders, well let's just say there are some athletes whose slaps look like they're more fit for a middle school cafeteria.
Here are the 10 athletes who should be given a free pair of high heels just for their sorry slapping displays.
10. Matt Barnes
Doug Benc/Getty Images
New Lakers signing Matt Barnes decided to get some gametime under his belt by participating in the Bay Area Pro-Am summer league this past month.
After complaining about a call that didn't go his way (yep, he's a Laker all right) Barnes confronted the referee, and the heated argument was interrupted by the opposing team's assistant coach who said something to the effect of "stop your whining."
Barnes deemed the best way to shut this guy up was to give him a little slap across the face. Spectators claimed that it was more of a "love tap" than a slap. The contact was so minimal that Barnes wasn't even ejected, and he played the rest of the game.
If you're going to slap someone, get ejected, Barnes, and hit him hard enough so that fans at a Pro-Am tournament describe it as a little more malicious than a "love tap."
9. Brandon Stokley
Clearly, Brandon Stokley wanted a flag for pass interference after he missed a pass that forced the Broncos to punt against the Eagles in a regular season game last year.
Stokley ran over to the official pleading his case but to no avail. As he turned in disgust he swung his arm and struck the official's hand. The blow was enough to get him ejected.
This slap was so weak I couldn't tell if he meant it or not.
Stokley shouldn't have been ejected, instead, the head umpire should have said something like "Unsportsmanlike conduct, No. 14, contacting an official. No. 14 is a pansy."
8. Rafer Alston
SKIP TO MY LOU, TAKING IT TO THE STREETS!
The ex-And 1 mixtape tour star let his chain-link hoops side get the better of him after Eddie "bringing down the" House stuck a crucial three-pointer during the Celtics-Magic series two years ago.
Alston made pretty good contact here, but the fact that House's back was turned and that the act was out of sheer frustration brings it way down on my patented "slap-o-tron" meter, which of course measures the necessity and badass-ness of said slap.
This play was actually a double technical, as House was T-ed up for taunting.
Ironic that Alston can't keep his cool in the face of some trash talking after playing for years on a street ball circuit. On another note, I've heard the Professor talks a mean game.
7. Ricardo Fuller
The Stoke City striker let his club captain know how he really felt after skipper Andy Davis put in a lazy challenge against West Ham's Carlton Cole, ultimately leading to a West Ham goal.
This slap was doomed since jump street. First he starts walking over all the way from the center circle on a dead ball, so you knew something was on.
Then once he gets to Davis and puts in his two cents, a teammate gets in the way, the result is a desperation skiff that's really just pathetic in terms of slaps.
You've got to love the in-depth analysis by the commentator, using the little circles and what not.
"See, he starts...here and the other guy is...yes, right here. Watch as they approach each other slowly now." Classic stuff.
6. Morris Peterson
Former teammates Vince Carter and Morris Peterson shared a buddy-buddy moment during a game in 2007, the childish humour was enough to get Peterson tossed however.
Carter just puts on an exhibition in slapping here: open palm, straight forearm, nice follow-through.
Carter's beautiful strike is weakly followed up here by Mo Pete, the fadeaway slap never does you any good, no power, he's lunging and it was backhanded.
The ejection sealed this slap was one of the wimpiest of all time.
5. Didier Drogba
The English Premier League is notorious for being a physical, brutal league that just eats players up and spits them out. A long, successful, and healthy career is really something to behold in the EPL.
Here's a tip for EPL Golden Boot winner Didier Drogba to make sure he stays fit and in top form: Don't go slapping Nemanja Vidic.
If it's not getting you sent off, it's getting your rump beaten in a parking lot in West London.
4. Kevin Garnett
For a nominally tough guy, Garnett's slap on Andrew Bogut in the waning minutes of a 2008 contest certainly isn't winning KG any fans from the biker bars.
Bogut got called for a technical for whatever reason here, and Garnett decides to retaliate with what appears to be a smother more than a slap.
Garnett had his eyes closed here and gave off more of a catfight impression in this altercation. He had his head back and he was just blind-firing.
At least KG could be sure Bogut wasn't going to rip out any of his hair.
3. Lukas Podolski
German superstars Lukas Podolski and Michael Ballack has a wee bit of a misunderstanding during a 2009 World Cup Qualifier match against Wales.
Podolski took a page out of Ricardo Fuller's book and decided to show his frustration by slapping his captain.
Poldi shows a nice quick approach and goes for the quick strike against the German skipper, but Ballack's reaction tells us just how powerful the blow was.
He shows an expression as if to say, "Seriously? Are you kidding, or were you actually trying to slap me?"
It's a good thing Podolski didn't opt to kick Ballack square in the chest instead or the new Leverkusen signing would have ended up in the upper deck. Dude has an absolute howitzer of a left foot.
2. Joe From the Jaguars
Ex-Jaguar John Henderson became famous for his twisted pre-game ritual where he had the otherwise obscure "Joe" of the Jaguars staff slap him across the face until Big John deemed himself ready to play.
The ritual is cool but Joe really doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, delivering slaps that can only really be described as pusillanimous (SAT vocab word drop).
Joe and John are a study in the classic psychological lesson of the brain's "fight or flight" reflex.
When John Henderson is screaming in your face to hit you as hard as you can, you're going to hit him or run.
Seeing as I wouldn't want to be run down on a concrete locker room floor by a 300-pound man, I'm most likely going to hit him.
As we see here, Joe also chooses to fight, but clearly, Joe slaps like a 13-year-old girl.
1. Alex Rodriguez
A-Rod completely outdoes everyone on this list with the infamous 2004 ALCS Game 6 ball slap.
Not only did you look like an idiot, you cost your team a shot at the World Series!
With the Sox up 4-2 during the bloody sock game, Jeter gets on base at first, bringing up A-Rod.
Rodriguez hit a weak grounder that's fielded by his nemesis Bronson Arroyo, who goes for the easy tag, only to get the ball slapped out of his mitt by Rodriguez.
The confusion allowed Jeter to come home on the play, but the umpires put a stop to that tomfoolery, declaring interference, calling A-Rod out and sending Jeter back to first.
The Yanks never tested the Red Sox again in the series, bowing out in Game 7.
Red Sox Nation feasted on the wimpy slap, the consensus favorite joke was the picture featured here only A-Rod was sporting a photoshopped in black hand bag.
Amazingly, there is no video of the slap on YouTube, no doubt a widespread media blackout launched by Joe Buck and Brian Cashman is to blame.
Rodriguez later told reporters that he should have tried to bowl over Arroyo like a runner knocking over a catcher in order to jar the ball loose.
Yeah, well whatever you wanted to do it sure as hell would have looked better than this.