I’ve been thinking a lot about these guarantees, and I have to say that I’m very confident in about 75 of them.
There are a few that came out of nowhere and I just threw in there just for kicks, but there about 60 to 70 of these that I promise you I will be right about.
I can’t wait to get all the comments and hate mail from you people. I seriously better be getting a bunch of comments too.
I GUARANTEE THIS...
1. The New York Jets will not make it to Super Bowl XLV.
2. The Buffalo Bills will not make the playoffs.
3. The New England Patriots will not finish the 2010 season lower than second place in the AFC East.
4. The Dolphins will get not more than nine wins this season.
5. The Cincinnati Bengals will make the playoffs this season.
6. The Baltimore Ravens will finish the season giving up the least amount of points out of any team in the AFC North Division.
7. The Pittsburgh Steelers will not make the playoffs.
8. The Cleveland Browns will finish the season with either four or five wins.
9. The Houston Texans will win the AFC South.
10. The Indianapolis Colts will still be fighting for a playoff berth over the final two weeks of the season.
11. The Jacksonville Jaguars will finish in last place in the AFC South.
12. The Tennessee Titans will be fighting to a playoff spot during the last two weeks of the regular season.
13. The San Diego Chargers will win the AFC West Division.
14. The Denver Broncos will not make the playoffs.
15. The Oakland Raiders will win no more than five games.
16. The Kansas City Chiefs be completely eliminated from playoff contention by the Week 13.
17. The Dallas Cowboys will make it to the NFC Championship Game.
18. The New York Giants will finish in third place in the NFC East Division and miss the playoffs.
19. The Philadelphia Eagles will finish in last place in the NFC East.
20. The Washington Redskins will finish in second in the NFC East and will make the playoffs as a Wild Card team.
21. Lovie Smith will not be the Chicago Bears head coach by January 2011.
22. The Detroit Lions will win more than one game and still finish in last place in the NFC North.
23. The Green Bay Packers will win the NFC North.
24. If Brett Favre doesn’t play this season, the Minnesota Vikings will miss the playoffs.
25. The Atlanta Falcons will finish in the top two in the NFC South and will make the playoffs.
26. John Fox will not be the Panthers head coach by January 2011 if the Panthers do not make the playoffs.
27. The New Orleans Saints will make the playoffs.
28. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers will finish the season with no more than five wins.
29. The Arizona Cardinals will not make the playoffs and will finish the season around .500.
30. The San Francisco 49ers will finish the season in the top seven in least total number of points against.
31. The St. Louis Rams will win at least five games this season.
32. The Seattle Seahawks will win the NFC West division.
33. Sam Bradford will win the Offensive Rookie of the Year Award.
34. Brandon Marshall will be in the top five in receiving yards this season if he plays all 16 games.
35. Drew Brees and Peyton Manning will once again be in the top five in passing yards.
36. Chris Johnson will not finish as the NFL’s leading rusher, but will finish in the top five if he stays healthy throughout the year.
37. Adrian Peterson will finish as the NFL’s leading rusher if he plays all 16 games.
38. Wes Welker will finish in the top eight in receiving yards if he plays all 16 games.
39. Randy Moss will not finish in the top five in receiving yards or TD passes.
40. The New York Jets will finish in the top three in least points allowed this season.
41. Jared Allen will lead the NFC in sacks.
42. Terrell Owens will have more touchdown catches than Chad Ochocinco.
43. Patrick Willis will finish in the top three in tackles.
44. Tony Romo will finish the season with the highest completion percentage.
45. Sam Bradford will have more touchdown passes than Josh Freeman.
46. Garrett Hartley and David Buehler will both be in the top five in total number of points scored by kickers.
47. Ray Rice will score at least 10 rushing touchdowns AND will be in the top five in rushing yards.
48. Ryan Grant will finish in the top eight in rushing yards.
49. Michael Turner will finish in the top ten in rushing yards.
50. Felix Jones will have more rushing yards than Marion Barber.
51. LaDainian Tomlinson will have at least six combined touchdowns this season.
52. Justin Forsett will be at least a 900-yard rusher.
53. Matt Hasselbeck will have more than 17 touchdown passes and less than 17 interceptions.
54. C.J. Spiller will not lead the NFL in total return yards.
55. Patrick Crayton will have at least three return touchdowns this season.
56. DeSean Jackson will lead the NFL in punt return yards.
57. Michael Clayton will be the Buccaneers’ leading receiver.
58. The Giants’ Steve Smith will have more receiving yards and touchdowns than the Panthers’ Steve Smith.
59. Tim Tebow will score at least two rushing touchdowns this season.
60. Antonio Gates will lead all tight ends in receiving yards.
61. Either Brent Celek or Visanthe Shiancoe will lead all NFC tight ends in touchdown receptions.
62. Donovan McNabb will have more passing yards, a higher completion percentage, higher QB rating, and more touchdown passes than Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick combined.
63. One of the 32 starting quarterbacks to start in Week One will go down with a season-ending injury within the first three weeks of the season.
64. DeMarcus Ware will finish in the top three in sacks.
65. The Buffalo Bills will not lead the NFL in sacks allowed.
66. Brandon Jones will have the second-most receiving yards for the 49ers.
67. Matt Moore will not be the Panthers’ starting quarterback by December.
68. Jairus Byrd will not lead the Bills in interceptions.
69. Darrelle Revis will play at least half of the season for the New York Jets.
70. Bobby Engram will lead the Browns in receiving yards.
71. Andre Davis will be the second-leading receiver for the Texans.
72. Arian Foster will not be the Texans leading rusher.
73. Pete Carroll will win the NFL Coach of the Year Award.
74. No running back will reach the 1,800 yard mark this season.
75. Adrian Peterson will lead the league in rushing attempts.
76. Drew Brees will lead the NFL in passing yards and touchdown passes.
77. Josh Freeman will lead the NFL in interceptions thrown.
78. Mark Sanchez will lead the AFC in interceptions.
79. Reggie Wayne will have at least 96 receptions this season.
80. Peyton Manning will not win the MVP Award.
81. Terrell Owens will not cause a locker room disturbance this season.
82. Dallas Clark will lead all tight ends in receptions and touchdowns.
83. Garrett Hartley will make the Pro Bowl.
84. Jason Campbell will throw for more than 3,000 yards this season but will also throw less than 20 touchdown passes.
85. If Brett Favre doesn’t play this season, Tarvaris Jackson will throw more than 15 touchdown passes.
86. Vince Young will have at least 20 total touchdowns this season.
87. Chris Wells will not finish in the top 10 in rushing yards.
88. Clinton Portis will not finish in the top 20 in rushing yards.
89. Cadillac Williams will not finish in the top 30 in rushing yards.
90. DeSean Jackson will not finish in the top 10 in receiving yards.
91. Dwayne Bowe will not finish in the top 20 in receiving yards.
92. Steve Breaston will not finish in the top 30 in receiving yards.
93. David Harris will be the Jets leading tackler and will finish in the league’s top ten in total tackles.
94. The AFC’s leader in sacks will be a Pittsburgh Steeler.
95. Aaron Schobel will be on a team by October.
96. Julius Peppers will record at least eight sacks this season.
97. The NFL’s interception leader will either be Asante Samuel, Darren Sharper, Charles Woodson, Nick Collins, Johnathan Joseph, Leon Hall, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie or Sheldon Brown.
98. The AFC Champions will either be the Bengals, Ravens or Chargers.
99. The NFC Champions will either be the Cowboys, Packers, or Seahawks.
100. Super Bowl XLV will be decided on a field goal in the final 30 seconds of the game.
And you can take pretty much all of these to the bank.