Welcome to ESPN’s NBA Free Agency Summit 2010 featuring Mike Wilbon, Tony Kornheiser, Dan Le Batard, and Bill Simmons. It went something like this:
Tony: Let’s get our round table discussion started. So, where does everyone think LeBron is going?
Mike: Chicago is a done deal. I’ve been saying this–
Dan: (interrupting) Please, stop talking. Everyone knows that Miami is the place to be. LeBron, Wade, Bosh–
Bill: (lisping away) Wait, but what about Dirk? Dirk going to Miami would crush the city of Dallas. It brings back bad memories of the 2006 NBA Finals. It’s just like how Johnny Damon left the Red Sox for the Yankees.
Mike: (goes into angry black mode) Why do you have to bring Boston into everything? It’s really starting to get on my nerves.
Dan: Why are we even talking about Dirk? No one is talking about Dirk, no one is talking to Dirk. He’s in Germany speaking German right now.
Bill: If Dan gets to talk about Miami, then I get to talk about Boston.
Tony: Ladies, ladies…
For 30 minutes, the poor viewers of ESPN had to listen to the inane speculations of four gossipmongers who all wanted the most popular boy in the country to move to their city.
Whatever happened to real journalism, quotes, and sources? And did ESPN actually pay these guys to sit there, spout off, and toot their own horns? I thought the cameras were going to shatter from egos blowing up and banging against each other.
Watching The NBA Free Agency Summit was like watching an episode of MTV’s The Hills with Lauren and Jen both fighting for Brody, Heidi on the side backstabbing Lauren while hating on Audrina, and Spencer creating havoc for everyone.
Round table discussions are meant for people to bounce ideas off of each other. Instead, Wilbon, Kornheiser, Le Batard, and Simmons were more annoying than the vuvuzelas with their loud, cacophonous voices progressively raising in order to be heard over each other. No one cared what anyone else said. The 30-minute show consisted entirely of a bunch of old women fighting to be the center of attention.
For the record, I only sat through the torture so that I could objectively write a blog about it. In case you missed it and feel compelled to experience the pain for yourself, you can watch it here.
At this point, I can only pray that LeBron and his colleagues get tired of the courting process (not likely) and put an end to the soap opera nonsense (really, not likely because some people actually love attention, see: Wilbon, Kornheiser, Le Batard, Simmons).
Until then, it’s The Young and the Restless on the move as the July 1 NBA free agency date approaches. God help us all.